The Flower Shop

Hockey Therapy?:

2010-10-14T22:01:00.000-04:00

I was originally waiting for the Pens to christen their new home with a win, or at least win one for the Flower.... But it looks like that might take a while. I try not to fall into the usual Pittsburgh sports-fan mold. (I'm not from here! I'm immune!) You know who you are. The over-the-top/6 feet under fan. The fan that's certain The ~~Stanley~~ Pittsburgh Cup belongs here (you mean it doesn't?) with every win... Equally certain that the worst of the Pre-Mario (owner or player take your pick) days are back and will never leave. I'm sure you know the type.... clean cut, pleasant, tax-paying citizens by day. Foaming-at-the-mouth, rabid PensAddicts by night. Perhaps you've seen one in the mirror?

Anyway, I know for a fact that the Pens are notorious slow starters. They've had some key injuries (Staal, Asham, Orpik, Michalek) and the team or the team/goalie combination just doesn't seem to be in sync. I know there are 80 or so games left in the season and that there are a lot of points out there to be won. For some reason knowing all this doesn't really help all that much. Oh well, maybe there's some sort of 12 step program.... Not that I need it, or anything. I'm not addicted... or crazy or anything... Really! I can handle it.....

I have some good shots of The Tower of Flower Power, but currently Blogger seems to be having a meltdown and is unwilling to let me post any pic I haven't posted before..... So as soon as I smack it around of a while (2 out of 3 falls, no holds barred, cagematch rules) they'll be on this post. Until then... LETS GO PENS!!!!

Game On... Sort of:

2010-09-19T12:33:00.009-04:00

Open practice at the brand spanking new Consol Energy Center (Destiny's new home, evidently) is the semi-serious start of the new season. And speaking as a bonified Pens-Addict I can say that it calmed the withdrawals a bit. But like any true addict, now I want more! The arena itself is bright, shiny, new, and pretty awesome. There are going to be problems with the strange 3 entry access (none of which are on the main concourse level), but the views are stunning and I couldn't see a bad place to sit in the whole house. There was a pretty big crowd of people at the two main entrances, but we barely filled the two parts of the lower bowl when we were all allowed to thunder in. Some (strange) fans were evidently trying out their seats in the upper section, and they must have approved, cause they stayed there the whole practice.

The players are broken up into three groups: A, B, and C. The Tower of Flower Power was relegated along with Geno and Le-Tank to group C. Groups A and B each ran drills and then had a scrimmage. The Goalies for A were Johnson and Theisen, and for B were Curry and Modig. A scrimmage is supposed to be like a full speed practice, but some players seemed to forget this occasionally. Brooksie is a defensive machine. If you put someone between him and the boards there is going to be a loud bang. I'd like to tell you who it was, but I couldn't identify him after the hit. Michalek snowplowed Talbot (who scored the only goal of the scrimmage on Johnson) into the corner drawing one of only two penalties during the scrimmage. Sid jumped up and took the shot for the penalty that Orpik drew.

After the scrimmage Group C took the ice. There was a really large cheering section for Marc Andre, as you might imagine. Also there was a mass exodus to the end he was defending. During one of the drills MAF went behind the net to play the puck. Someone (who shall remain nameless for his protection) bumped into the Flower and knocked him to the ice. You'd have thought someone knifed him. It was a small bump, really. Everyone froze for a moment exept for Fleury, who jumped up without his stick and dove in front of the net to stop the puck from getting in. There was much rejoicing.

Here's some Flower pics to get you going.....

And Oh yes... there will be more.... GO PENS!!!

An Interlude:

2010-04-25T22:07:00.005-04:00

Sid's not on, so I have to do this one myself.

Firstly something you don't know: I bashed the nail completely off my left middle finger and haven't been able to type for the last week. So that explains the current lack of updatage.

Secondly, something you do know: (and if you don't... what the hell are you doing here anyway?) The Pens advanced to the second round of the SCF with a 4-3 OT game 6 win.

Thirdly, something you might know: That win means that the Sens haven't beaten the Pens on home ice in the SCF since '07.

Fourthly, something nobody knows.... Who the hell are the Pens going to play later this week in round two? The only certain thing is, it won't be the New Jersey Debbils. They took another quick bow out of the SCP to our town's favorite Phylthy Phlyers (The Crapitals are climbing in the polls, but we've hated Phylthy for longer). Unless the Canadiens pull something out of somebody's ass and beat the Crapitals (Wa. leads 3-2) it's likely that we'll play the winner of the Buffaslugs and the Broons. (Boston leads 3-2)

Fifthly Something everybody should know. After allowing 3 goals in the first 30 minutes of the game, Marc-Andre found his Tower of Flower Power cape and slammed the door on the Sens not seeing many shots, but making some great saves. Starting with this flurry (sorry) of shots in the first when the Sens really looked like they were going to be unstoppable.
I know two more goals were allowed after this series of saves, but this is Flower Power at its best. Keeping the Pens as close as he can while waiting for the guys to wake up. Also, here's the English translation of Flower's RDS (whatever that is) blog before the series started. This was found (by me) over at PensBurgh, and rushed to you as soon as my finger stopped being an 'owie'.

As to Video Review, sometimes called the War Room, but what I like to call the Flip a Coin Room. 6 reviews were made of possible goals in the series. Most were obviously correctly called. I'll even go so far as to say that they weren't completely stoned on a couple that didn't go our way. Then there's Rupp's shot at 12:40 in the first. At that point the only 'video review' I'm interested in is the one I've just concluded on the replays. I know they'll say when one angle is 'inconclusive', but another angle seems to show just what they're looking for (ie: white ice between the puck and the line) that doesn't necessarily provide 'incontrovertible proof'. What I say is, 'There's the puck over the line you morons'. And I don't even want to get started on calling Geno on some strange 'not allowing the goalie to make a save' call on Poni's shot in the Third. What kind of crap is that? If that's a real call we're going to see a lot more offensemen thrown on top of goalies by D-lines when the other team shoots anywhere towards the net. I know we won the game and the series, but screw 'letting it go'. Crap is crap, wherever you find it.

More to come at seemingly random intervals.... GO PENS!!!!

Sid's Bucking for Everyone's Job:

2010-04-17T12:44:00.005-04:00

The Tower of Flower Power after a shaky start that had me reaching for the antacids and vodka again, stopped the next 19 shots to help the Pens drag the series back to even. All respect to the Flower but one of the best saves of the night was made by El Capitan when a Volchenkov shot dribbled through and Sid dove across to knock it away. Isn't it weird that 'interesting saves' are the ones that during the game gave you the biggest spike in blood pressure? The only (?) thing I'll say about Sutton's hit on Leopold is that if the League doesn't do something about a guy leaving his feet and leading with an elbow to the head, then the whole 'protect the player' pose is a joke and they obviously didn't hear me screaming for 10 solid minutes when it happened. I did like the way the guys stepped up afterwards (Maximus and Rupp you know who you are) to put the Sens back on their heels physically. I have officially forgiven Mike Rupp his birthplace after he bulldogged one Sen to the ice and sent another through the Zamboni door. (that was sweet) Now on to Ottoway and game 3. GO PENS!!!

Flower's take on Sid's save is about 1:33 in

Ok, let's put things in perspective: Penguins 1 Senators 1. Some have tried to put blame and shame on the players for the first loss, but true Pennsaddicts know where the fault lies. The fans just didn't have their proper Play-Off juju going for the first game. Y'all were wearing the wrong shirts (jerseys), haven't found the right good-luck spot on the couch, didn't find the right bar to watch the game, or were watching on Mario's TV when you should have been home, or vice versa. This kind of thing can not be allowed to continue. Great talent and skill can only take the team so far, and then it's our responsibility to take it the rest of the way. If you need to review, here's Mackenzie Carpenter's PPG article from after the SCF last year detailing some of the many PensAddicts did to help the guys to the Cup. From Coach Dan's daily burrito routine, to unwashed Primanti shirts, to what to do when things don't work. C'mon addicts! You know what you have to do, now get out there and do it.

The Good, the Bad, and the... Huh?:

2010-04-10T21:53:00.002-04:00

The Flower teaches Geno the Goalie Dance

The Pens gave the Igloo a proper regular-season sendoff Thursday night against the Isles, (Oil-cans? Where the hell did I get that?) winning in stunning fashion 7-3. But I bet they wish they'd kept at least one of those goals for Sat. when they lost 1-0 to the Thrashed.

The Tower of Flower Power stopped 21-22 with some acrobatics and more than a little help from his goal-post friends. Eric God-ly had a marathon fight with some Atlanta goon (Eric Boulton) that lasted well past curfew. Wow, I was waiting for the ring-girl to come out between rounds. It was nice to finally see God-like out there, getting a roughing call putting E. Kane in his place after Kane was taking a few liberties with El-Capitan.

What wasn't funny was the earlier scrap between Evander Kane and the Cookie Monster. From the replay it looked as if Kane got a good shot on Cookie and then punched him again as he went down and cracked the back of his head against the ice. Cooke skated off on his own, but didn't return and so far there's no word on his condition. Once again the Moose came back to bite the Pens in the butt, (moose-bite, that's got to hurt) stopping all 33 shots sent his way, and several that weren't. I know it was cute when he was here, but I'm getting really tired of Moooooose! ringing through the rafters after yet another save.

So, with the Debbles basically crushing the Isles (and let's face it, it was fun when we were doing it) for the third time in four seasons the Pens will face the O Sens in the Play-Offs. So really the only reason to hold the second smIsles game this Sunday is to give the Croz another chance to break the 50 goal mark after it was robbed from him Thursday by Guerin's butt. Unless he just has a monster game it doesn't look like he's got much of a chance at the Art Ross (most points). He's 4 points behind The Grape Ape, and with O'retchkin and Stay-most both with 50 goals and also playing tomorrow, the Rocket Richard (most goals) is not a sure thing either. We shall see what we shall see

In other strange news, the Beantown Bears scored three shorthanded goals in about 2 1/2 seconds (1:06) against the Hurricanes. Just smashing whatever the old record was by about an hour and a half.

Like the Corners of My Mind... in the Round:

2010-04-08T18:00:00.000-04:00

Tonight is the night we say our regular-season 'goodbye' to the Igloo. (I don't care what bank sponsors it. It's the Igloo, damnit) They're planning on having about 50 former players attend a pre-game ceremony. Some of which living people might actually recognize. 'Cause except for that guy who's been a season ticket holder since '67, I'm thinking there's going to be a lot of intros that're going to make me go 'huh?'. I'm sure I'm not alone there.

105.9 the X was doing a series of player interviews today, and the first was (of course) The Tower of Flower Power himself. He retold a couple of pranks played on Ryan Whitney, his first game, and about how it's going to be weird not having to duck water, or wrestle mice for his equipment.

The X ran interviews of Sidney Crosby and Maximus as well, here's the page for all the podcasts.

If we're going to talk Flower Pranks, my favorite is still when he hid out in Army's bag in the locker room

It's going to be strange for some of the fans in the new arena, no roof supports in the way, no strange smells coming from the stairwell, (for a while anyway) no shoes velcro-ed to the floor in one step and flying out from underneath you in the next. Ahhh the memories!

My personal best TV memory of the Igloo is watching that 66 banner come down Dec. 27, 2000, and watching Austin's face as he watched his Dad's No. slowly fall from the roof. Let's hope the guys add one more good memory to the 'old barn' by crushing the Oil Cans tonight.

The 300:

2010-04-06T17:35:00.001-04:00

The Flower will be playing his 300th game tonight against the Washing Crapitals and I think he thinks it's cool. He didn't say much about it, so it's hard to tell. During a Game-Day interview with Caitlin Kasunich at PP.com, all he would say is "It's a little weird, I have played so much. I'm pretty proud of it". Let's review: 7 years 299 games (so far), 17,020 minutes played, a record of 147-105-2, a GAA of 282, and a Save Percentage of .907. Yeah, you could probably find something in there to be proud of.... if you looked hard enough.I'm pretty sure that doesn't even count the 49 play-off games, where his GAA is down and his S% is up. Oh, and let's not forget 2 finals apperances and a Stanley Cup ring. Yeah, I don't think you need to hide your face in shame at the family reunions Marc.

This guy has played 20,000 minutes of NHL hockey (20,005 actually). I don't think I've done twenty thousand minutes of anything. Well, not anything I want anyone to know about anyway.
Here he is, 299 games ago, just getting his Fighting Flightless Fowl Jersey (couldn't find an 'F' that would fit). More to come after the game.....

I hate those guys.....

Long Time No.... :

2010-04-03T00:21:00.000-04:00

It's been quite some time since I've been here, and there's no excuse for my lack of actions (bull, I've got a whole book of them) Let's just say that after an ongoing battle over insurance issues and a trip to a funeral I got out of the habbit of writing here. I profusely apologise and thank you for your patience (even if you didn't have that much). If such an occurance were to happen again I will gladly turn the keys to the Shop over to someone else. But until then I will endevor to regularly post for the entertainment (hopefully) of any Pennsaddict that happens to stumble into the Shop.

Happy Birthday Flowers:

2009-11-28T15:36:00.005-05:00

For those of you that don't know (and if you don't, where have you been?) today is Marc Andre Fleury's 25th birthday. And what do you get the goaltender on your list who has almost everything a goaltender could want? Kris Le-tank and Alex Go-Go Gadget Goal for his defenders. That's right, tonight against the NY Raggers two of the much beleaguered FPL are back in the line-up. Which, I think tips the scales in the Penguin's favor.

I took a look back at some of the stories I've accumulated over the last year and PPG writer Dejan Kovacevic said just about everything you need to know about Marc-Andre's personality back in 2003, and I thought I'd dig that back up for ya. And for you stat-mongers out there, here's about every stat you could ever want on the Tower of Flower Power.

I'd like to take this opprotunity to thank Andre and France for getting together in a biblical way 25 years and 9 months ago (give or take a few days either way)
BTW... thank you Ginette Bibeau for being Flower's first goalie coach and shooting pucks at him up against your garage.

Thanks to Craig Patrick who drafted him and Mario Lemieux who let him stay at the Les Magnifique Inn for the first couple of years. (he already got you guys something nice last year)

More to come after the game:

Slashed and Thrashed:

2009-11-20T21:46:00.005-05:00

2 steps forward, one step back. Get Sarge and Maximus back in the line-up and loose our Super-Secret second goalie, Mc-keester. Guys were out of sinc, Flower run out of the net Eaton was out of Doan's Pills, it was just a slow-motion nightmare train wreck of a game and I'm just going to act like an ostrich until this kind of thing stops happening.

Thrashed on Sat. The Moose and Colby and Kovalchuk and Kozlov. They're on a winning jag and we're..... well, we're not. Something's got to kick that power play in the ass. I've got it! Someone get me Il Poppa's number and we'll have him bless El Sid's stick again. Gotta do something, I'm running out of MOM and the liquor store's all out of Stoli.

Thank you, Your Holiness... There are no Pagans in Penalty Boxes.

Ouch! That Hurts! Ahhh, That's Better:

2009-11-14T16:33:00.000-05:00

It's getting to be especially difficult tuning in to Penguins games recently. Not just because they've lost four in a row, and not just because it seems like somewhen around the last Ice Age since the Pens scored 2 goals in the same game. It's just that it seems like every time the guys take the ice, someone leaves early and we don't see them again for 2-3 weeks. Maximus, Sarge, Geno, Kennedy, Orpik, Le-tank, and now Kunitz. You could add a couple of boozed up Parking attendants, 2 Giant Iggle bag-boys and a third grade class from any local grade school and field a team that has a good shot to make the play-offs. Geno will play tonight and Max and Sarge are skating with the team and should be back in the next couple of weeks, but I don't have a large enough supply of antacids to go through the same kind of slump that the team went through last Dec-Feb. There's been a run on them for some strange reason. Oh, and to add to the fun-ness the Pens are playing the Broons tonight, a team that shut them out not 4 days ago. (Where's that MOM and break out the Stoli) I think we've all noticed the weakness of an offensively minded system. It's tough to 'plug-in' substitutions when this many of your major weapons are sidelined. There's no 'system' in the world that can stand up to having basically a line and a half of your top players sitting in Mario's box during the game. Flower told NHL.com's Sam Kasan, "I think we have the players in here that can turn this thing around and get some wins. Last year we had a tough stretch and we made it through and went all the way. It's a long season. We've got to make sure we deal with it well. We come to the rink. We practice hard." That, and getting some of these guys back should do it, I think. Now on to Other Things:

Other Things: Last week CTV's Olympic page was reporting that Stevie Y is seriously considering adding a Tower of Flower Power to his Oly line-up. It seems as though Yserman considers Flower's 'stock' to be on the rise especially with Luongo having his ribs BBQ'ed a couple of weeks ago and then Flu on top of that, limiting his playing time and with Mason and Ward both having their problems this season. Steve was busy with that Hall of Fame thing and a meeting with his Oly committee, but that didn't keep him from reminding everyone at least twice that he doesn't really have to say anything until late December.... Thanks Steve, we were hoping you'd forget that one.

Kunitz' replacement tonight will be Mark Letestu, and for those of you who don't remember (or can't pronounce) his name I've combed Faceoff Factor's Player Bio section to give you some insight. Basically he's touted as a Kuni-like player without the same disregard for his own personal safety. Although how a guy could wear Scary Gary's old number and not automatically be considered tough is beyond me. Also here's a YouTube of him scoring a goal playing for the Baby Pens.

So, I've asked the priesthood if they would say a few words about tonight's game and what I got was.....

I'm sure the Scotch had nothing to do with that...... LET'S GO PENS!!!!!! See? I did it and I can't even stand scotch. lol

I'm going to put the 'Let's go Pens!' pic up on every post from now until the next ice age.

0.4 SECONDS LEFT BILLY GUERIN YOU ARE A HERO!!!!!!!!! And Jordan Staal is one sneaky Canadian. Sliding up the boards and swiping the puck that Thomas left like a used hamburger behind the net. Oh wow what a game.... I'm completely out of Milk of Magnesia and Stoli.... wow what a win....

The Nameless Post:

2009-11-06T20:32:00.003-05:00

I know they can't win every one, but damn, I hate when they lose. I REALLY hate when they lose like that. If ever y'all wondered how all those other teams' fans felt when the Pens blew them out of the water in the third period.... now you know. It was like watching a Pens game through some alternative-universe space/time vortex. I'm going to bed and hoping this all is a bad dream that the team will wake up from Saturday night when they face the Sharks.... mmmmmm seafood.

O Canadia!:

2009-10-28T22:15:00.006-04:00

The Tower of Flower Power was just that tonight helping the Pens to a 6-1 win against the Habs, saving 23 of 24 shots. Keeping the Pens atop the Eastern Conference and MAF atop the board with a 9-1 record. (I don't care what the NHL says, 9-1 is better than the 9-1-2 that Anderson dude has) I hate to say it, but the only reason Flower didn't add to his shut-out total tonight was his own errant clearing attempt that cleared the glass and caused the 5 on 3 that led to the only Canadien goal. Other than that Flower made some tremendous saves including one that actually hit him in the back in the first period. Marc-Andre did his best imitation of a board, laying down on top of the puck. Crisis averted.

Crosby scored his 3rd hat trick evidently on the anniversary of his first hat-trick I'm really not sure, Bob and Paul started to sound like the adults on Peanuts cartoons after a while, but I did hear them say that El Capitan was picked to jog with the Olympic Torch through his hometown, which is cool. Rupp scored his third and Go-Go scored his fourth, but the real story of the night was Chris Kunitz' first goal/four point night. Now the people that watch but don't understand hockey can stop asking silly questions about when Kuni is going to score a goal, and 'what good is he out on the ice?'. I have an answer for them. "HEY! Shut up and start watching the game and you won't have to ask stupid questions!!" (DANGER! Venting in progress). Another cool thing that happened tonight was that we could watch the Human Sequoia and say, "Damn, is he slow." and not be disloyal to the FPL. Speaking of which, evidently someone asked Bill Guerin, (who scored 3 points tonight) if he thought the Habs became faster this year due to the total revamping of the team. Bill replied, "Oh yeah, they're a much faster team.... except for Gill." You gotta love the guy.

Contrary to earlier belief the world did not come to an end due to Tyler Kennedy's absence from the game tonight. Is it just me, or is the Penguin's season really in jeopardy every time someone misses a game or two? Some boo-boo in the line-up and some yo-yo with a local/state/national/international audience is predicting doom and gloom for the 'Guins. Talbot has shoulder surgery. The hockey hopes of the Pens end. Sarge is out for 4-6 weeks and once again the season is over. Dupuis misses two games and The Pens are in trouble. Kennedy misses a game and the outlook is dire.... C'mon, there's got to be some reason they've got all those extra players hanging around. Could it be that sometimes they're expected to play? Possibly even win a game or two through some freak of chance? There are worse things than being able to occasionally see some of the other guys play a couple of games.... and one of them is Bob Errey's imitation of Hannible Lechter's 'fava bean' speech. I'm gonna need some serious therapy after that one....

Sad Penguins and Flower Stuff:

2009-10-24T22:24:00.007-04:00

When the Pens play the Debbils one of two things usually happens. It's either a blowout or a shut-out. Well this time, we didn't get either one, although it was a close run until Go-Go Gadget goal marked one up in the 3rd period (finally).

The first flukey goal of the game seemed to set the tone for the rest of the Penguin's night. Flower blocked the original shot, then miss played the rebound above his head and behind him knocking it into the net. Need I say more about the rest of the game? The only high note about the whole night was that Uncle-Daddy didn't tie Terry Sawchuck for most shut-outs against the Pens. Although we did hear an interesting (?) story about TS from Error about how Terry played the game since its invention and the fact that TV's were invented, but not popular for the beginning of his career. Actually my favorite part was Error's dig at Stogie about his age.

So U-D has to go somewhere else for his slice of Hockey Immortality pie and the Pens played a frustrating game against the trap. But that's enough said about that, so now it's on to Other Stuff.

Other Stuff: TSN is currently running a poll on who has the best mask in the NHL . (care to guess who I voted for?) They've also got a gallery that give some good views of all the current masks. The Poll runs until Wed. the 28th and they'll announce the results during the Stars/Laffs game. Of course I'll be watching the Pens/Habs game, so I'll probably remain completely ignorant of the results. Somewhere in the article they also mention that the goalie mask is 50 years old in the NHL, and then they give a rambling account of Andy Bathgate and his battle to get to wear one. It was almost like the guy was channelling Bob Error when he wrote it.

F-SPN: The Tower of Flower Power seems to have made a fan out of ESPN's John Buccigross. First he did a 'couch blog' during the Sens game, saying some nice things about the Flower. He also encouraged Shero to extend TK's contract for three more years, which I think is an excellent idea. Of course he also said that Stogie was 'knowledgeable and clearly in love with the Penguins' and Error was 'one of the best color analysts in the game' and 'has that Darren Pang enthusiasm for the game that I'm just a sucker for'. I like the 'Dingbat Duo' too, but don't gush over them, please.

And when I'm just about ready to throw Bucci to the side of the road I caught one of his 'mailbag' answer thingies and he suddenly started sounding like a genius again. As of the article he was picking Fleury, Luongo, and Ward as the three goalies for Team Canada in this Olympics and mentioned that MAF is sitting at #3 in ESPN's Player Power Rankings (fantasy hoopla), so he's once again risen in my estimation.

Speaking of Fantasy hoopla: Tim Kavanagh in ESPN's Fantasy Hoopla Department has Flower ranked #4 in the top 40 goalies and has some idea that Marc Andre might even manage to 'stay hot' for the rest of the season (and I thought ESPN didn't know anything about hockey). He also mentions that the Pens are 4th best in the League at limiting shots on goal (they're down 4 SOG per game from last year) and he finishes up by saying that MAF's stats might dip, but his wins should keep him in the top echelon of goaltenders (we already knew that). Could it be that the notoriously Hockey shy ESPN is finally learning a bit about hockey?

And yes, I'm pretty much ignoring the Florida Kitties game. As far as I'm concerned other than Johnson's stellar goaltending exhibition, the Pens didn't much show up for that game. Although his best save of the night didn't even count as a save. Despite being bowled over in the crease he dove across the net and flashed the glove to deny a Kitty goal. What is it about playing in front of Johnnie that makes the Pens fall asleep? Dude deserved better and is the only reason the Pens got even one point out of the game. I think El Capitan showed his agreement with a 'Special Teams Hat-Trick', scoring on the PP, short-handed, and in the Shoot-Out. Don't give up on them yet, Brent. One of these days the team will actually play an entire game in front of you.

The Boys Are Back in Town:

2009-10-18T21:23:00.007-04:00

Yes, the boys ARE back in town. and will be for the next four games. Marc Andre Fleury wasn't very busy against the Lightning Bugs, but he did take the time to smack former Penguin Bugsy Malone a couple of times and completely shut down the Bug attack except for that one weird bouncy thing Stamkos swatted in that shouldn't even count anyway. (The NHL has never listened to me about stats before, so they'll probably count it anyway) Speaking of stats (in a really low voice for the superstitious) in most categories MAF is middle of the road but the only stat that Flower seems to be concerned with is the one that puts him top of the NHL. He's a perfect 7-0-0 so far this season. Way to go Flower!

FPL: Jay McKee has more than earned his commission as a card-carrying member of the FPL. He leads the League in blocked shots with about 7862.... or 22 I forget. There were a lot of people (me included) that were worried about Rob Scuderi leaving the team without its Super-Secret Second Goalie on the ice. No one can replace everything that Scuds brought to the line-up, but when it comes to putting your body in the line of fire like a GSS (Goalie Secret Service) agent, I think we've found a keeper in the 'Kee-ster'.

Nice to see you again: I don't know about you, but I tend to think about upcoming games by who the ex-Penguins on the squad are. For instance, Tues. the Pens play Ty Conklin and Daryl Sydor, and of course we'll all get an earfull from Stogie and Error about Alex Pietrangelo being the 2nd cousin twice removed of the room mate of Frank Pietrangelo's dog, or something like that. (I tend to tune Error out when he starts that stuff) It's tough keeping up with who went where and when and all that, but the next interesting one would be when Big Georges Laraque slides in with Montreal on the 28th or when RJ Umburger comes in on the 30th with the Blue Jackets and then again on Halloween when Syko comes back to town with the Wild. BTW I've seen the Wild's new third jerseys, and they actually don't look like Christmas trees. A definite step up. I know RJ never played for the Pens, but he's from here so it amounts to the same thing.

Twins? or some sick genetic experiment?: One other thing I've been constructively (sorta) spending my time on is finding out what Sean (IFHSA) Avery of the NY Raggers does when he's not insulting fellow players and ex-girlfriends. (I know, things have been really slow) What I found was that IFHSA is actually leading a double life as San Diego Chargers quarterback Philip Rivers. (which explains a lot about Rivers) I'm not kidding. I was watching the Stiller's game a couple of weeks ago and something bothered me every time they showed Phil's face. Like I was seeing someone that I knew, but not as the person they were saying the were. ( I know, I had a whole Stoli induced Twilight Zone thing happening) Then Rivers threw a fit on the sidelines and it hit me... he's a dead ringer for IFHSA! Don't just take my word for it... check it out for yourselves. That's Avery on the left and Rivers on the right. These photos have not been retouched just so I could win my own argument with myself. Do I hear Rod Serling in the background? Is that creepy or what?

We Didn't Elect You:

2009-10-12T22:50:00.007-04:00

Here's the Tower of Flower Power making one of 30 saves tonight to help the Pens basically crush the hopes and dreams of the Ottawa Senators.

Flower makes 30 saves, TK gets two goals, Guerin and Staal have the bookend goals to lift the Pens to a 4-1 victory over the Sens. Flower got some help from the FPL, the posts (his bff's) a stick and some pretty poor shooting by the Elected Ones, but when the great saves were needed he Gumbied his way in front of the puck and made the stop. PP's traded back and forth with no result, but the hard workers on the Pens got the points.

Some other things we learned tonight: Old guys CAN score goals (Guerin), TK loves scoring on the Sens (8 games, 7 goals), Staal doesn't know where the visitors penalty box is, Bob Errey secretly has a crush on Jason Spezza, (I was asking the TV if they needed to get a room), if you're a Pen you can take a penalty for ending up on the bottom of a pile (Sarge), and that Marc Andre Fleury can make saves on pucks that no one else can see. Oh, and we also learned that the Pens can win a game when Crosby and Malkin don't score a goal.

In the fine tradition of TFS I saw this on another site, thought it was cool and stole.... uh brought it over to the Shop. (The Sidney Crosby Show) It's the Hockey Night in Canada intro teaser for Saturdays game against the Maple Laffs. And check the 'issue number' on the comic. (it's Issue #66)

Letting Biting Dogs Lie:

2009-10-11T04:01:00.004-04:00

Other than that poor, poor showing on Longish Island, (sorry Johnson, sometimes it happens) the Pens have been playing very sexy hockey. They've had an answer for every other opponent so far. (knock on wood) Marc Andre Fleury was asked after squeaking a 5-4 win against the Philthy Phlyers if he felt bad for his stats by allowing 4 goals in one game. I don't have the quote, but he basically smoked the reporter with a glance and informed that stalwart bastion of the media, that wins were what he was after, not stats. That's my kind of goalie. BTW, in the wins column he's managed to remain undefeated up to this point. That's got to be good for the stats, don't ya think?

I've always called Marc Andre a kind of Gumby in Goalie Gear but in the first period of Fridays game he became something of a Jack-in-the-Box in goalie gear, jumping out of the way of a puck flipped up from behind the net. The kid's got mad skills. All right, I know that The Tower of Flower Power is a Goalie Legend, and has powers beyond that of mere mortal men (or women presumably) but how the hell did he see this shot by Beaugemin through about 687 guys legs? Oh yeah, the Kid's got mad skills..... I heard that somewhere before.

After the game Max Talbot, BTW does anyone know how many days with the Stanley Cup this guy schmoozed his way into? I've heard of 4. Anyway Maximus was acting as unofficial translator during MAF's post-game interview. It's absolutely hilarious.

If there's a camera around 'Superstar' is going to find it and do something silly to get it pointed in his direction....

Other Stuff: Whoever painted the target on Kris Le-tank's back must be hunted down and executed immediately! Kris, being one of the smaller defenseman on the Pens roster has always been something of a target, but during the last three games it's gotten a bit ridiculous. I've always thought of Hartnell as something of a dog but biting Le-tank during an end of game scrum just proves it. (do you think he's had his shots?) Letang says he's basically over the whole thing, but I kinda doubt it. You want to bet Brooks Orpik ain't over it either? Watch out Josh, they know your number. The League is sitting on its collective ass citing 'a lack of evidence'. I don't know, the guy comes out of a scrum with a guy and is bleeding with Hart's teethmarks on his finger...... hmmm what do you think officer? Let's get CSI on the case and maybe we can get something done. Either that, or we can get him a copy of this book by Elizabeth Verdick. I'm sure he can get someone to read it to him.

I was going to say something pithy about hoping the Senators didn't have any biters on their roster, and then I remembered Yarkko Ruutu and his two game suspension for biting Andrew Peters. So I guess all we can do is hope Yark's had his shots....

Well, This Sucks:

2009-10-07T23:04:00.003-04:00

No offense no power play, too many penalties, the defense looked pretty good, but there was too damn much of it. Johnson might just be a solid Flower Backup... time will tell Flower-Children, time will tell. Damn New Jersey for making the neutral zone trap look so doable..... Oh well, more after the Phylthy game....

Oh yeah, and here's the Tower of Flower Power doling out pizzas to the hordes of students waiting on line for Student Rush tickets on Wed. night. If that goalie thing hadn't worked out so well, he might have made an easy living as a Pizza Dude. Just imagine the tips he'd get.....

Penguins are Go!:

2009-10-03T23:13:00.004-04:00

It might (?) be a little early in the year to start touting the numbers, but with Saturdays win against the hard to beat NY Long-Islanders Mark-Andre Fleury and the Penguins seem to be off to a good start. Flower's save percentage (.909) for the first two games puts him right in the middle of the pack, but his winning percentage (100%) puts him right at the top of the list. Ok, I don't much believe in stats, but the winning thing is a stat you can't argue with. In my humble, but all knowing, opinion at least 4 out of the 5 goals that the Flower allowed can be attributed to defensive breakdowns and shouldn't be held against the Tower of Flower Power. I wonder if we can get the League to adjust the stats accordingly. There were times in both games where the newly revamped Flower Protection League looked a little rusty out there, but that goes for the whole team as there were times when the rust was showing on the shininess that should be the Pens attack.I suppose it's a bit much to expect late season flash and cohesion from the team during the first two games of the season. But I don't care, I want it, and I want it now! Is my addiction showing?

Flower was showing no rust at all with this save Fri. against Vinny Prospal though...

Flower was pulling some amazing saves in both games, including a diving poke-check on Tambellini in the Isles game, and I'll be posting more of them as soon as NHL.com pulls out of their coma and starts posting them on their site. For the most part MAF is still showing everyone the same form that helped the Pens to back to back SCF runs. Basically he's Gumby in goalie gear and he's certainly got the split/flash the gove save thing going. I'd swear there was a save in each game that was a mirror of the one he pulled on O'Retchkin in the Play-Offs last season. Flower was perfection in the Shoot-out shutting out Tavares and Tambillini, and Le-Tank and El Sid buried both of theirs sealing the game.

Other Stuff: Couple of milestones, El Sid scored his 400th point in the second game of his fourth season in the League (don't listen to Error, he can't count) making him the 6th fastest to reach that mark. John Tavares scored his first point and then goal in the NHL which drove everyone in the arena nuts. Who knows how many more he's going to get. And the entire hockey world was subjected to the entire FSN broadcast team for the opener as the NHL Channel was taking a direct feed from FSN and showing everyone the kind of Goofball you have to be to broadcast hockey in Pittsburgh. (sorry guys, we didn't pick them, we just have to watch em) I missed the guys for some reason, but I've already found that I'm already saying 'Shut up Bob' without even knowing that I've done it.

On a Side Note: One interesting trend is that Eric Godard is getting more action during the first periods of the first two games than he got all during the Cup run last season. I believe I counted at least 5 fights during the first periods of the 2 games, and Godard was involved in 2 of them. Although the Isles seem to just want to get into a big hugging match when they fight, so I'm not sure they should count. Also, I'm wondering where Jay McKee got his 'Get out of Game Misconduct Free' card, and can we get a couple dozen of those for the rest of the season. It seems that on the Island the refs have ADD and Alzheimer's because all Jay seemingly had to do was duck out of the game for ten or fifteen minutes and then he was allowed to jump back on the ice. Let me set the scene: Feds was zipping toward the offensive blueline, looking for Geno to pass the puck to when he was levelled cleanly by Witt of the Isles. Geno, who's normally Witt's favorite Penguin target, took exception and bashed the Wittster into the boards. Arm goes up, penalty coming on Malk. Dupuis also doesn't seem like much of a Witt fan because he grabbed the defenseman and as he was dropping the gloves to show some hockey-love, McKee jumps in, pushes Duper out of the way and starts wailing on Witt. Ref, doesn't have enough arms for all the penalties, but a flock of Pens are going to the box. McKee and Feds go to the locker room, Malkin goes to the box, and Guerin goes in for McKee, joining Godard who's still serving his penalty. So, 5 of the 18 guys that are supposed to be out on the ice are now unavailable, and McKee is supposed to be out for the game......bad news, right? One PP goal scored, Geno comes out, then Guerin and Godard get out, Feds comes back at the start of the second and halfway through the next period the Kee-ster sneaks back in and starts playing as if nothing happened. 19 penalty minutes in the first period launches Jay into first in that category, but that's all that happened. Wild.

Not the Champs:

2009-10-01T21:03:00.006-04:00

As of Thursday the Penguins are no longer the champs of the National Hockey League. Don't get in a tizzy, or start hocking your SC Champs merch. The guys are going to get no love from the other teams and can't expect any. They're just one of 30 teams vying for the Stanley Cup and it's going to be another 82 game battle just to get a chance to get back to the Big Dance. Although if you listen to EA Sports you might think the Cup already belongs to the Pens. (that's ok guys, at least they'll know how to spell most of the names already) Evidently, the Pens will defeat the Chicago Blackhawks in 6 games. (wow, that's a load of my mind) Using some 'state of the art' something or another the computer (HAL?) at EAS determined by some sort of Vulcan Logic Program (would I lie?) based on real-life player data... yadda yadda yadda. Who cares? They had me with 'The Penguins Win the Cup', who cares how they came up with that answer. It has to be true, right? Good enough for me.

The Pens start their season about 17,062 miles closer to home than last season. Which makes the raising of the SC Champion Banner for the start of the Igloo's final season all that much easier. Facing Sean (IFHSA) and the rest of the NY Rump-Rangers at home. The last I heard 3 different stations will be carrying at least parts of the game although I think I get only two of them due to some Comcast/Direct TV feud thing happening. Oh well, I'm already tired of the VS announcers anyway and I can't even get that channel. Who cares? Not only do I finally get to watch real Penguins hockey again, I get to bitch at and about Bob Error and Stogie for at least the next 6 months. This is a win-win situation as far as I'm concerned.

On an almost completely un-hockey related note. I'm sitting here blogging wearing a shirt with a Penguins' logo (nothing unusual there) that says 'Hockey*Blood*Life. The Penguins and the Central Blood Bank had their annual blood drive Monday, and just to prove how far a Pensaddict will go to get anything with the fighting Penguin on it(especially for free) I went down to let them tap a pint of the red stuff. Potash, Iceberg and Bourque were all long gone by the time I got there, but they still had enough Vampyres there to get the job done. I donate very quickly (6 minutes, I have 'monster veins') so I really have to watch those people to make sure they only take a pint! I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank the nice phlebotomists and the building staff for being so pleasant even though I almost showed up late. Thanks, and put that Sangre' to good use.

As usual I'll be posting at random intervals in basically a psychotic manner, so saddle up and for the first time this season let me just say...

Habs, and Hab-nots:

2009-09-21T22:13:00.004-04:00

Pre-season games = Pre-season Blogging.... Another quick shot.

The Penguins (or most of them) strolled into..... wherever the hell the Hab-nots play (rumored to be somewhere in Canadia) here's the line-up for those of us who had problems keeping track of who was what. (raises hand) Is it just me, or did Curry change his number? I thought he had the #1 at some point. Anyway, the Pens lose 4-3 in what the TSN announcers were calling a 'Canadien's Big (little) 3 must show something Game'. Well, I'm here to tell you, that the Habs did everything they could to make that happen, including shoving their first line against the mostly-rookie 4th line of the Pens not just for one goal, but for two. Despite this, Curry had a pretty good game and some very good saves, considering the sometimes choppy play by his defensemen. I hear a lot of Blah-Blah about how hockey is different in Canadia and how the Fans expect... yadda yadda yadda. Whatev. Padding the stats in pre-season is still pretty lame.

It's hard for the Guys to look too polished but we did see some flashes of a pretty good game with Caputi, Lovejoy and Tangradi having the best showing of the rooks. The important thing is we actually got to SEE the guys playing, and once again got to see Croz try to score a goal from his butt. It just wets the addiction. Two more televised games this week and then a week until the season starts! I can hardly wait!

Flower Stuff: Sam Kasan over at PP.com had a nice article about something we already know. It seems that he is of the opinion that the Tower of Flower Power has proven himself a 'clutch' goalie. Where he came up with this, I have no idea. Unless of course, he watched the last 6 seconds of game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. (Hmmm, could be.) Gilles Miloche, the Pens goalie coach finished up with this, "His attitude and his work ethic and everything coming to the rink hasn't changed at all. I'm confident that it should be another good year." I think he's got a point.

As usual, more to come at random intervals....

Quick Shot:

2009-09-16T22:30:00.004-04:00

For those of you who've been missing seeing the Tower of Flower Power half-naked and sweaty, this here's a pre-game vid for ya. And for everyone who didn't find the highlights of the game (and why didn't ya? it was easy) here you go.. There's also the written version and evidently Tangradi might make choosing Crosby's line-mate a bit more difficult.

Joe Starkey over at the Trib has some flattering things to say about Flower. I can't argue with his reasoning and frankly, don't really want to. Any time someone mentions MAF and MVP in the same sentence I always think it's a good idea.

Also, the Pens reduced the roster to 43. This still includes Fleury (natch), Johnson, Theisen, and (don't get too excited Puck Huffers) Curry as the goaltenders. 2 of these guys are going to WBS or elsewhere before the 30th. Shero likes having a veteran back-up somewhere in the system, but if I had to guess, I would almost bet on Flower/Curry for the regular season combo. Have to get more footage on the other netminders before I put any money down though.

New Seasons:

2009-09-14T20:49:00.003-04:00

Pre-season has started its wackiness... why it seems like only yesterday that camp started.... ok day before the day before yesterday then. Now begins the mad scramble to find somewhere ANYWHERE that a Pensaddict can catch a glimpse of their hockey-fix. And like every other season it's the same answer.... no dice. I've swept up and down the interwaves hoping for a hockey bone and the best I can do is.... NHL network is broadcasting the games on the 21st, 22nd and the 27th against the Habs, Leafs, and the Red-rags, amongst the 10 PS games they're broadcasting this year. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY is talking about Pens pre-season.... it's weird, but typical. I know that the Pens are playing Columbus Tues, but not even the perennial Blue Jacket fans The Puck Huffers have anything to say about the game. Have I entered the Hockey Twilight Zone? Oh yeah, it is pre-season, isn't it.

Well, the boys are playing the traditional Black and Gold Game on Thursday the 17th. There are no tickets left for this game that benifits the United Way. I got that news from a WBS paper because that's where the game is.

If rookie Brian Strait is impressed with 3,500 fans watching a practice, what's he going to do when (and if) he gets into a real NHL game? Brian, who's been playing for Boston University, had never played in front of that many people before in his life. He was especially impressed by the greeting given The Tower of Flower Power.

The Guys delivered season tickets again this year, but there's only a couple of vids. One of all the Guys (10 of them anyway), one with The Incredible Malk delivering to a family more undeserving than mine, and Croz delivering to the same lady that predicted the winning of the cup 2 years ago, I think. Of course once the Cup came in and the reporters started hovering she was shuttled off to the side until it came time to talk about Sid... Speaking of the Cup, the Champs are starting the season with the right kind of attitude, I think. They've hidden the thing until after training camp/pre-season, and aren't talking about it much at all. Not resting on their laurels, just getting back to business. I like that.

Happy Birthday to Me: September 19th will mark the 1 year anniversary of my first post on TFS. (you can look it up) I can't believe it's been a year already. I don't want to brag or anything, but the year I started blogging marks the first time in 17 years or so that the Penguins won the big shiny Jello-Mold. Coincidence? I think not.... Been working on some changes for the Banner and updating the widgets, but other than that it'll be the same nonsense I've been babbling so far. Thanks for reading (and commenting) even the ones that busted the Blogger... lol

Busy Summer:

2009-09-06T19:14:00.010-04:00

I normally don't say much about my personal life on this Blog, but as a way of explanation let's re-cap my off-season, but let's skip everything up to the last three weeks. Car rolled, Girlfriend OK, GF's Mom in Hospital, Car Search, Car purchase, School begins, Job evaluation. Ok, now that you're up to speed as to why there haven't even been the usual low number of Summer posts we can move on.

For those of you living in the Sudan, or who've just returned from an extended UFO abduction (how is the home planet BTW?) I can inform you that The Tower of Flower Power has taken his Stanley Cup winning ways to attempt to make the Canadian Olympic Team. And if you just take the word of Scott Burnside and Pierre LeBrun over at ESPN.com's NHL Blog he's a shoe-in. They've both posted him as one of the three goalies the Canadians get to take to the Oly's. Don't get excited though, the actual roster isn't set until the middle of Dec., and there's a lot of Goalie talent to choose from once you get to Muy Norte' (Very North). Brodeur, Luongo, Ward, and Mason are not slouches. And then there's the realization that they don't even have to chose ANY of the five goalies invited to Orientation Camp. (Yserman, why must you be so cruel?) So we've got several months of speculation and here's one of mine...

Brodeur is a perennial favorite to star in any Canadians Olympic hockey fantasy. He's been there, done that, and he's won the shiniest medal before, but if he doesn't make this team he'll never make another. Uncle Daddy's on the cusp of being too old and with last year's injury he's starting to show it. If he goes down during the season he's not making the Olympic trip. Luongo is Uncle-Daddy's heir-apperent and he already plays in Vancouver so there's no commute. Ward had something of a Kryptonite moment in the Conference Finals Series so he'll have to show something, and Mason is going to have to fight his Sophamore slump issues and continue to impress (not easy) Marc-Andre is coming off Back to Back Stanley Cup Final appearances and he's just won the damned thing, so a good showing during the season could get him a trip to the Interlocking Ring Games.

Now that things have started to settle in a bit around here, I'll be coming up with a bit more in the regular posting department. In a manner of atonement, here are some Olympic Flower Pics for ya. Bonus Flower/Uncle-Daddy pic

I have no idea who that guy is....... lol

Silver Anniversary

2009-08-17T16:43:00.003-04:00

No one seems to be making a big deal about the fact that this season marks a special 25th Anniversary. In nineteen hundred and eighty four a young French Canadian player began his first season in the NHL with the then struggling Pittsburgh Penguins. It wasn't like no one noticed him show up. His arrival was the one thing that kept the franchise going. It allowed the management to corral and draft some special players to put around this young phenom, and just by donning the uniform he began to fill their nearly empty bank accounts. Then when the team was beginning to slide yet again, he allowed them to defer part of his hefty salary so that other players could be paid. After his retirement he used that deferment to purchase the franchise and drag it out of bankruptcy. Then donning the Flightless Bird yet again when that wasn't enough. Bringing in young superstars to build the team and even threatening to move it to get a bigger new arena to pay for them. (if you're counting, by my estimation that's 6 times he saved the team) Add to the fact that he didn't have to stay here at all. As a player he could have went to any team and been accepted with open arms and bank accounts. After retiring.... pretty much the same thing. He's been the linchpin of the franchise for two and a half decades. Try to tell someone he's not a native and you'll start an argument. His name (of course) is Mario Lemieux, also known as Le Magnifique, Super Mario, or just Boss.

No one seems to be making a big deal over it, but since the 25th Anniversary is the Silver Anniversary the guys went out and got him a Big Shiny Jello Mold, even though he'd already had the same gift twice before. (some presents just never go out of style) Well, I don't have any Big Shiny Jello Molds (I only have a small one holding my Stanley Cup Champion puck) so I'll just have to say Thank You, Mr. Lemieux. I can't tell you what your efforts have meant to me.

You Mean That's It?:

2009-08-11T18:24:00.002-04:00

The Stanley Cup Journal at HHOF.com has exactly one more picture of Flower with the Cup than PP.com's SCJ article. Folks, I think we just got hosed. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice article with some humorous little anecdotes about Marc-Andre's day with the cup. (the boat story is about the best) but........ c'mon! 2 months I've been waiting to hear about Fleury's day with the cup and steal... uh...... I mean catch some pictures of him and the Big Shiny Jello-Mold, and this is all I get? Nothing against El Capitan, but I had to wade through 6 articles, 3 videos, 73 pictures of Sid's day with the Cup and wait 5 extra days to get to 3 pics and four paragraphs. Pardon me if I'm a bit miffed.

Canadians, Cups, Curries and Comas:

2009-08-02T20:32:00.005-04:00

Few things can draw me out of my mid-Summer hibernation, but mention MAF, the Cup or Curry and any one would waken me, let alone all three. NHL.com staff writer Mike G. Morreale was sitting there at his keyboard one day wondering to himself, 'I wonder who I think the 10 best Canadian players are in the League right now?'. Well, himself must have had a pretty good answer (or was really worried about the rent check) because he came up with enough of a list to write a whole article. El Capitan came in #1 on the list (natch) due to his looks, his charm, and pretty much because he's the youngest captain to lead his team to a Dance with Lord Stanley's Shiny Jello-mold. After a couple of old stand-by's like Uncle Daddy (Brodeur) and Jerome Arthur-Leigh Adakunle Tig Junior Elvis Iginla (that's his name, I swear!) your favorite Flower and mine stomped into the #4 spot with his stunning game 6&7 performances. There are some other names you might recognize on that list, but what I thought was more interesting than those also-rans was an 'unofficial' statistic earlier in the article. It's quite possible that he made the whole thing up, but he states that 52.8% of the League is made up of guys from the Great White North. That's a lot of guys dodging Canadian taxes by working in the States, ya know?

Cup Stuff: Stephanie over at the Steel City Sports Fan has a list of who gets the big Shiny Thing on what date. I have no idea where she gets her info, but I'm waaaaaay too lazy to dig this info up on my own and I have the added bonus of having no problem stealing the fruits of other people's labors. Everyone pretty much knows that El Sid is taking de la Coupe Stanley home for his birthday this Friday (8-7, 87, get it?) but what is not so well known is that apparently Marc Andre Fleury is going to have it in Sorrel-Tracy the day before. Hopefully this makes it to the Stanley Cup Journal and then I can steal the pics and story from them and post it here.

Curry anyone?: John Curry, Baby Pens star, hopeful Flower back-up, and Puck Huffer bedroom fantasy guy has been signed to a 2 year contract. The official word is pretty sparse but PF (in the name of Curry, his Glove, and the Holy Posts) is saying that it's a 2 year, 2 way 1 million dollar contract.

Ok, other than a story about how a schizophrenic bipolar homeless dude passed helpful hints to Super Mario over his fence to help the Pens win the Cup, that's about all I've got for now. Guess I'll slip back into my Hockey-jones Coma again.... Someone be sure to wake me by Oct 2, ok? All this sun is bad for a Rat's complexion.

Excuses, Excuses:

2009-07-25T21:06:00.006-04:00

Ok, the real 'World Penguin Day' will be.... oh man, I don't know. (April 25th) But for Penguin Fans, WPD will be Oct. 2, 2009 when the regular season opens and the Stanley Cup Banner is unfurled in the rafters at the Igloo. I'd like to come up with some great excuse as to why there haven't been many posts lately. Like, I've been helping with medical research, I was lost during an expedition to the Himalayas, I was temporarily blinded by a vision of the Stanley Cup, and couldn't find my computer.... you know, the usual.

The truth is... there just isn't that much going on. Once we got through Scuds and Gill on their way out, Syko leaving but not pissed at Coach Dan, the 'Malkin Minneapolis Park Scam' was uncovered,the Pens strange compulsion to hire sons and grandsons of former players(Johnson, Samuelson, Bathgate et al), Guerin coming back for another year, Mad Max's surgery, and the other things that mostly happened the one week that I was out of town, there's just not much that's happened during the second half of the month.

The weeks have been cut down to the odd story on NHL.com about any of the Pens players. (nice write-up on Adams, btw) and the 2 days when there are new posts on the Stanley Cup Journal, (is it just me, or does that little girl look awfully uncomfortable in Brooksie's arms?) There are only so many times you can ho-hum through replays of SC Playoffs on the NHL Channel before it's starts feeling like looking at old Hockey-porn. You kind of remember that it excited you, but it's hard to figure out why. G'nesh alone knows how we all got through the 2 extra months of non-hockey during the no playoff years. So all I can promise is that when I find something that draws me out of my hockey-coma, I'll pass it on.

Actual Goalie Stuff: Earlier this week the Penguins signed former Crapital (let's not hold that against him) Brent Johnson to a one year deal. It's kind of muddled whether he was pulled in to be Flower's back-up or a 'just-in-case' back-up if Fleury goes down and the back-up needs... well, backing-up. I find it difficult to believe that the Pens won't try to bring up Curry this year, and use Johnson somewhat the same way that Ty Conklin was used last year. The fact that Conk swiped the starting gig right out of Sabourin's hands might let you forget that he was actually Sabu's back up, but that's why he was hired. The Pens have more than a bit of talent in the goalie pool again this year, Curry, Johnson, Johnson, Theisen, Darling, Ehlechner, Kileen, Pechurski, and even though you'll likely only see the first 4-5 on that list at camp it's going to be tough to say until pre-season is actually sorted out who's going to be doing what.

BTW: My E-mail is now on the disclaimer at the bottom of the page and in my profile. Feel free to drop me a line if you've found something interesting, seen anything I've missed, found a photo that you'd like posted, or if you just randomly e-mail bloggers. This, as in all else will be checked more frequently during the season, but, at the very least, I'll respond to anything polite. Is it October yet? Man, I hate waiting.

FPL and Marilyn Monroe:

2009-07-10T21:08:00.009-04:00

Change this picture slightly, put Flower in the background instead of Chris Mason, put a flightless fighting fowl on the sweater of #77 and you'll have some idea of what might happen next season. The Penguins have just picked up defenseman Jay McKee from the St. Louis Blues (ok, I'll take back the hockey wasteland crack) for an absolute steal 1 year $800,000 salary. The Blues are paying him 4
times that (2.63 mil) just to not be on their team. The bought him out of the last year of his contract to avoid the cap hit, which explains how the Pens can afford such a good defenseman at what basically amounts to a Dollar General Store price. He's had some injury issues the last couple of years, but we've dealt with that sort of thing before (Eaton). He's a shot-blocking defensive-defenseman and can help plug up some of the gap left by Scuds heading for Tinseltown. The Puckhuffers duo are already drooling over this 32 year old blue-liner's .... uh... attributes? As well as his physical prowess.... on the ice, of course. (Last I heard they were talking about eating Cupcake? I don't get it) One thing I want to know in all this is.... Who is it that hovers over Wiki with all news tabs firing? I swear during free-agency the player pages change faster than the ink dries on the new contracts. McKee was listed as a Pittsburgh Penguin before even Shero knew about it, I think. Oh, and by the way..... Greg over at PuckDaddy has a slightly different view on our newest FPL member. It seems that some incriminating photos from Dan Hinote's wedding have resurfaced, and Jay-bird is a HUGE Marilyn Monroe fan.... That's ok, Jay. I'm sure you're not the first hockey player to succumb to the allure of ... ok you're not the first to have too much Champagne and put on a dress, wig and falsies..... No wait. I can't think of anyone else that's done it, maybe you are the first. Oh well, welcome to the Pens. And remember, what happens in Vegas.... should have never happened. And if it DID happen, there never should have been a picture. But if there WAS a picture then.... you're screwed buddy, with the Internet this thing's going to be around forever....

Winter Classic?: The League is making a 'Major announcement about a special event' at Fenway Park in Boston next week. (uh.... let me guess.... )

Wed. 2:00 pm the League will announce.... oh who knows what, (Puckdaddy has some interesting speculations) and it will be simulcast on NHL network and NHL.com. One thing we can just about bet on: The Broons will be playing the St. Louis Blues in the Winter Classic this season. And how do I know that? All you have to do is keep track of where Ty Conklin is playing this year. He's moved to a team in the WC every summer before they played in it..... So far, the Deadmonton Oil-cans, the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Detroi-it Red-rags. So the Blues are a shoe-in to get tagged for the game this year.

I Was Only Gone for a Week! :

2009-07-08T16:23:00.003-04:00

Personally, I think the Edmonton Department of Public Health takes the possibility of my visit a bit too far.

Sorry for the hiatus but I had to make a pilgrimage back to the Homeland. I missed out on a few things.... Maximus' surgery,(how well could he have played with two shoulders?)Guerin and Feds re-signing, Scuds and Gill leaving, (Sad!) signing Conner and Lee to the team, I somehow completely missed the Penguin's Facebook Page, Kris Le-tank and TK doing the weather on KDKA, Marc Andre Fleury, Sidney Crosby, Jordan, and the other two Staal brothers all getting invited to Team Canada Hockey Camp, the Penguins getting picked #3 in Fan Relations, (whatever that means) and possibly the end of life as we know it..... Ok, got a little carried away there, but that's just a sample of the stuff I missed out on by being in the Hockey Wasteland that is the Midwest for a week. (and yes, the St. Louis Blues are included in that) It's nice to be back in da' Burgh where people don't ask, 'What team is that?' when you're wearing the colors.... sheesh.

So, more random actions to come. When you least expect it.......... Expect it!!

Pure Laziness:

2009-06-26T16:43:00.004-04:00

As I wait for the 2009 NHL draft and the 30th pick therein, I was watching the NHL Channel, and caught one of their 'special' programs. (no, not 'The Day That Changed Hockey for the 7,436th time) You know the one where they follow the 4 or 5 guys, the ones that they think will go 1-4 in the draft and that one 'human interest' guy who either could be a possible draft sleeper or some one's son, or whatever. Well, anyway, they were following Stamos around prior to his being picked first by the Lightning Bugs (yeah, I like watching mysteries I already know the solution to) and when he talked about 'getting his nap in before the 7:00 start of the draft', it struck me.... Hockey players are lazy bastards. Think about it.... they work 3 hours a night, 2, maybe 3 nights a week for 8-9 months a year. (try making the rent on those hours with your job) What they call 'practice' basically amounts to skating with their buddies for 2-3 hours on days they don't 'work'. (and since most of them are Canadian they'd be doing that anyway) Then they go home and, even if they don't have to 'work' that night, they go to sleep for their afternoon nap! If they're any good at their 'job' they'll retire in their early 30's (except for Chelios who's trying to be the Dick Clark of hockey) then they'll either open a bar/restaurant, a skating rink, or get a 'job' watching younger guys do the same thing they just 'retired' from! I think I'll go slap my mother for insisting that going to school was going to 'be better for you in the long run' than 'playing games with your friends'. I know hockey is physically demanding, but the hours are fantastic (and I'm thinking really hard about those naps!)

Well in their quest to add more young people to this Fraternity of Laziness the Penguins have picks in every round of the Draft, which is a new and exciting thing. Of course their first pick is number 30 overall and then jumps into the 60's then goes to the 120's, and so on. Which makes it sound like the only ones who'll be left will be the hockey version of the (insert derogatory slang word here) left-over geeks when picking for schoolyard basketball, but the Pens have done some mighty things with lower-end draft picks (Mad Max was picked 234th, and we all know how good that turned out) but unlike the NFL draft we're unlikely to see anyone after the first 5-6 picks for a few years. So, be patient, and remember..... they're only accepting the job because of the naps! (I wonder if my boss would go for.... nah!)

Of course this is all prelude to next Wed. when free-agency opens up. I've been hearing serious rumor-rumblings about Syko (say it ain't so!) and The Ever Dangerous Rob Scuderi (please say it ain't so!), possibly searching greener (Benjamin green that is) pastures, but nothing definitive yet. The rumor lines are mysteriously silent on the subject of Bill Guerin, however. (Listen to Geno. TWO MORE YEARS!!) You get to like these guys so much, it's tough to think about any of them leaving, but then again, if everybody stays how will we get a peek at the Younger Afternoon-Nappers? Ben Lovejoy, Paul Biz-nasty, Luca 'You'll sleep with the fishes' Caputi, or (calm down Vince) Janne Pesonen? I'll tell ya one thing, no matter how it turns out, it's great to be excited about hockey this time of year. Too many 'What's the current crop of losers?' years not to enjoy this now.

We're No. 1:

2009-06-21T00:21:00.006-04:00

All others are #2 or lower.

I spent a well rounded Saturday watching all 7 games of the 2009 Stanley Cup Finals (ok, I skipped game 5, sue me) and it occurred to me.... The Penguins are the Stanley Cup Champs. That thought's been popping into my head at odd times. The whole idea is just to awesome for the brain to hold all at once so it just dribbles in a bit at a time. So in a completely random fashion here are some.... well, random thoughts and things I didn't have room to say in other blogs.

Turning Point of the Finals: Quite a few people would say that the turning point for the team was Staalsie's break-away shortie in game 4, and that may be true. Some would argue that it was Flower's save on Cleary's break-away in game 6. I'm sure everyone has their favorite moment, but for me the defining moment was the save that wasn't even a save. 2:00 left to go in the second period of game 6, Zetterbug (strange little insect) works around the Sequoia and flips a little nothing shot that bounces off the post and heads straight for Flower's ass, there was a collective gasp as nearly everyone who wasn't blind drunk had a flashback of game 6 last year when the same guy rang a shot off the opposite post that MAF promptly sat on and squirted in the net. But not this year, The Tower of Flower Power calmly looked behind him, gauged the trajectory and sat on that little black biscuit,(3:55 in) stopping it cold. But that wasn't the moment, only the prelude. The moment was a short close-up right after the save, when I could see Fleury's relieved grin and knew that the dopey-goal monkey was not only off his back, but dead and buried. That was the moment when, in his own mind,(and mine) he broke the Red-rag's mojo and believed....

Do Not Use as Floatation Device: Nearly everyone knows the story after watching the last two SCFs. Phil Bourque jumped into Mario's pool holding Lord Stanley's Shiny Candy Bowl and promptly sank it like the Titanic. Why is the Stanley Cup in Mario Lemieux's Swimming Pool? is not just a question you ask the 'Ole Two-Niner, it's the title of a book written in 2001 by Kevin Allen. Written 9 years after its initial dunking and 8 years before the Cup made a return trip to Les Magnifique's house where the guys (fueled by many refills of the cup with Moet) decided the cup wasn't truly in Pittsburgh until it had taken a swim in Super-Mario's pool. By the looks of the pic, it floats a lot better now than it did 17 years ago. Most people know, or have heard some story with the SC, it's been kicked into a canal, left on the side of the road, been a baptismal font dunked in pools at least 4 times now, but somehow when it journeys to da'Burgh it takes a trip into the surreal. Phil Bourque is named twice on RCS's 'Top 10 Stanley Cup Stories'. Once for etching his name on the inside, and also for 'The Dive', and there are unconfirmed reports that it was left at the curb at the Marriot in '92 when whichever drunken Penguin was watching it jumped into a cab and tore off into the night. But along with this year's moistening of the Cup, it seems that it doesn't seem to know the difference between Oakland and Sewickly. On the way to the Cup's Micheal Phelps imitation in Mario's pool, the handlers ended up lost in Oakland (about 10 miles in the wrong direction) and had to ask directions from a cop. Remember, this all happened less than 24 hours after they'd won the cup.... now that they'll have it for the next 100 days or so, Ganesh only knows what trouble that innocent (?) silver tower is going to get into.

More to come. Be afraid, be very afraid... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Winners and Whiners:

2009-06-14T20:54:00.005-04:00

The Save

With due respect to Frank Pietrangelo the one I'll remember as 'The Save' will always be with less than 3 seconds to go in game 7 of the 2009 SCF when the Tower of Flower Power dove to his right to block Lidstrom's rebound chance with whatever part of his body he could get in front of it. Then with all seconds gone Marc Andre Fleury hesitantly half-raised his hands, looked around to make sure, then flipped the gloves off just in time to catch

his entire team. Staal and Orpik first then a rush. Geno jumps in after the on-ice 5 gather around and Le-tank, jumping from the top of the turnbuckle, lands on top of the pile. (man can that guy fly through the air) Then the rest of the gang climb on, including Syko, who didn't play the game, but suited up to make the celebration, and Zigomanis, who hasn't played in months.

Pop that cork! Stanley's coming home!

Like most Pens-addicts I spent the 36 hours after the game looking for and at replays, running around trying to find the coolest SCF Champs stuff (I scored a non-locker room, champs shirt and a medallion puck so far) and scoping the NHL channel for a repeat broadcast of the game (watched it 2 more times). Also trying to figure out how sick I have to pretend to be to get Dahntahn by noon on Monday to watch the Parade. (haven't worked that one out yet) The Cup had a much more interesting night than I had, but that's as it should be.
There are all kinds of stats and figures out there to be bombarded with but Kim and Zoe (don't call them 'girls') over at Puck Huffers always have their own wonderfully skewed take on the game, and this time down at the bottom of the post they've got links to a six-part CBC broadcast of the Pens celebrating after the game. Much better than NBC or even the, (as K&Z would say) Curry-help-us, local coverage could be. Although I did like Dana Heinze saying 'They Fucking did it!' before Oxenreider could stop him.

Let the Whining Begin: Within moments of losing the SCF the excuses began and so did the whining. This guy was hurt. So and so had an operation, ran out of gas, guys didn't have a chance to play to their level, blah, blah blah. Losers say that a lot. What they'd like to gloss over is the fact that our guys were hurt too. Sarge played the last two series with a torn MCL in his knee from O'retchkin's hit in the second round. Everybody's hurt. Winners win and losers whine, and that's just the way it is. But the whining was turned up a notch by Chris Draper snivelling about El Capitan not shaking Lindstrom's hand after the game. He button-holes some starving reporter and cries about Sid not racing over and shaking Lind's hand...... Bullshit. I've seen the video. Less than 3 minutes after the line started Crosby joined in, but Draper and Lindstrom were already gone. And ya know something Nik? Those things on the bottom of your feet are called skates. If you wanted shake Sid's hand so bad, why didn't you slide on over and do it?Losing sucks, they split, and should have just STFU about it. Croz shouldn't even have to respond to this horseshit, but he did. You know they say that it's not how you win that shows how much class you have as a player, but how you lose. It's a sad state of affairs when a Nazi like Coach Baby-cock shows the most class of the team.

Dynasty?: Les Magnifique was quoted extensively in an article in the Trib saying essentially 'They'll (the young Pens) will be around for the next 10-15 years if they want to. They have a chance to do something special here in Pittsburgh if they want to stick together.' Wouldn't that just be just so nice? Well, a couple of months with that big shiny thing, and we'll see about next year.

Shiny:

2009-06-13T00:33:00.003-04:00

The Pittsburgh Penguins have won that big shiny thing!!!! Absolutely tremendous game and The Tower of Flower Power made the game saving.... well save with just seconds to go, diving to his right to block a shot. Like Mike says, 'If you missed this one, shame on you for six weeks'... or even longer. The Detroit fans for the most part responded in a predictable manner. With a nearly complete lack of class. If they want to know how Class Fans act when their team loses the SCF then they can just dial back to last year. Did you hear any boos? Any jeering of the opposing team? No you did not. And that's just another reason that win or lose Pittsburgh Fans and the Team they follow are a step above them. And always will be.

One final note.... I don't care what they say on TV I know at least some of the players and most of the fans had an extra reason to win the Cup this year. And that was to say 'Stick THAT up your ass Hose-a!! Now alcohol and the lateness of the hour compel me to end this post. But before I go I just have to say... Thanks guys. It's been a blast watching you, and being a small part of the experience. GO PENS!!! AND THE TOWER OF FLOWER POWER!!!!!!!!!

Saluting Detroit:

2009-06-09T16:40:00.005-04:00

Saluting Detroy-it

It's time for war.
It's been a good run and I don't want it to end. The Tower of Flower Power is not ready to play golf yet. So Max, set that tournament date back another couple of days 'cause we're gonna take this thing back to Detroit Rag City.

GO PENS!!!!

The Ever Dangerous Rob Scuderi (secret second goalie) certainly earned his Goalie hat tonight. Blocking shots, stealing pucks and clearing the crease on Franzen's shot, with hoards of screaming Red-Rags bearing down on the puck. And then on the 6-5 during the final minute of the game Scuds made 3, count 'em 3 fantastic saves in a row, in front of an open net, helping out his Flower-buddy without whom none of that would have been possible. Earlier Cleary got a breakaway at about 1:35 left in the third and Flower played him strong and got the save to keep the 2-1 lead. But for me the Tower of Flower Power moment was on Zetterburg's shot that rang off the post, an eerie mirror-image to the one in Game 6 last year that MAF put in with his butt, this time Flower looked back, timed his butt-drop and trapped the puck between his legs for the whistle. The camera zoomed in for a close-up and there's Flower, with that smile on his face, and I was thinking 'That's a good omen'.

So, now it's stock up on the MOM and Stoli and get ready for Game 7 in Detroy-it Friday.... I'm still not sure I can survive the wait, or the game.... Time will tell.

Nuff Said- Reposte':

2009-06-07T10:31:00.001-04:00

This was too long to just put in the 'comments' section, so Ali and Penschick this is in response to what you said, but something I wanted everyone to hear.

Don't get me wrong. I haven't lost the faith. I'm still diligently working to become a beacon of Flower Power to the world. I remain an unrepentant Pens-Addict of the first degree (just don't give me the third degree about it...lol ) Any time Flower has to leave the net it sucks. Watching him stalk dispiritedly down the runway REALLY sucked. Every time the Pens get skunked in a game it sucks. (sounding more and more like a born and bred Pittsburgh fan every day) A 12-3 penalty differential sucks. What doesn't suck is that the guys worked hard to get the chance to show the world what we already know. That they're the best damn hockey team in the NHL. But win or lose they're my favorite hockey team anywhere. I still wear my Pens-gear proudly and will continue to no matter the outcome of any game, series or season. They've got a Ratt in the Penguin pack now and they'll never get rid of me. Like MAF said in an interview posted Sunday on PP.com, "He (Crosby) just told me to forget about it, and I will. I'll put it in the back of my mind and get ready for the next one. Really, that's all you can do." That's pretty good advice.

So let's dust ourselves off, shower the smell of rotted cephelopod out of our skins and get ready to do battle yet again Tuesday at the Igloo. Let's go Tower of Flower Power!!!

And LET'S GO PENS!!!

Stix-burgh?:

2009-06-06T18:28:00.004-04:00

Two crappy shots of a really cool shirt.

There's something about Pittsburgh fans... ya gotta love 'em. First there was 'Blitzburgh' then 'Sixburgh' and now 'Stixburgh' shirts are starting to show their colors around town. All Pro Embroidery has set up the machines to crank out more of these bad-boys. I've seen them at a local J'iggle (that's Giant Eagle grocery store to non-'Burghers) and they're pretty slick. The Title guy in the foreground snapping a quick glove save and the skyline in the background (it really looks better than the pictures) and 'It's our Time' printed on the bottom. All for about 20 bucks. If I hadn't lost my wallet on my last expedition to Lower Burma I'd have snatched one up. (ok, I left it on the dresser) I don't even want to talk about the T-shirt razzing they're giving Bill Cower for running the siren for the Hurricanes. I'm pretty sure it burned my retnas. The only thing I can remember is the word 'Cower-ed' (coward) Bill, man, your girls even told you that one would be a bad idea. Ya should have talked to Bradshaw. It was 30 years before he could come back to town.

But if Burg fans love ya.... they love ya all the way. The Trib just published an interview with Mamma and Pappa Geno. Those two have been adopted by the entire town. And who can blame us? Let's face it folks, they're cute as all hell. One of the best things bout a Geno goal (other than the rise in the score for the Good-guys) is watching 'The Genos' get all hyped up about it. (btw you noticed that the blond that Pappa Geno kissed during the 'Canes series is no longer sitting there?) Watching Mamma Geno dance around waving her towel and swinging her hips with Pappa Geno standing there beaming like a 300 wat bulb. I think they're as much members of the team as any of the guys skating on the ice. Well... they don't score goals or anything, but Geno is sure a much better Play-Off player with the two of them here. With Mamma Geno cooking, how could he not be?

But the fan experience doesn't stop there. It seems that Louise Bella, a Penguins fan somewhere in Da'Burgh, recieved an 8 legged sea creature in the mail from a deranged Red-Rags fan. So what's a Pens-addict to do? Well, she and a couple of guys from the local Primanti shop have decided to do the octopi up right and send him back to Detroit Rag City topped with fries, slaw, and tomato between two pieces of the finest Italian bread. That's right, they're sending it back 'Burgh-style as a Primanti sammich. And as a topper she wrapped it in a Penguins towel. I'm not sure even that Zimmern guy from Strange Foods on the Travel Channel would touch that one. But that's what you've got to do, Folks. Don't answer them in their own language, hit 'em 'Burgh-Style' that'll baffle the hell out of them.

Flower Song: Now that the Tower of Flower Power has won a couple of SCF games news media 'experts' have suddenly started saying things like 'This Flower guy really IS a goaltender' and other enthusiastic stuff like that. I could glean you some of those but screw 'em. PP.com (not a bandwagonner) is still saying 'The Team has always had confidence in Flower' well..... yeah. But Freep.com from the Detroit Free Press in the 'tradition' of Detroit 'fairness' is running a series of articles called 'From the Other Side' and they're gleaning PPG and Trib articles to 'spy on the enemy media' in my opinion. But they've got a nice one from Shelly Anderson about how the Flower is doing the right things at most of the right times. Of course they're also running a Flash-game called 'Smack a Penguin' which I found in very poor taste.

This was going to be longer, but hey... I've got to get ready for the game! Go Tower of Flower Power and GO PENS!!!!!

Penguins are Cool:

2009-06-05T00:07:00.002-04:00

Penguins ARE cool. And one of the coolest is the Tower of Flower Power Marc Andre Fleury, who made some tremendous saves in the 4-2 win, was the Game's First Star of the Night. Flower Power saved 37 of 39 and showed some of his tremendous skills. The reaction save against Hose-a in the second was a thing of Flowery beauty (I know, sometimes I just can't help myself).
MAF was on his game tonight but the guy who turned the game around is Gronk himself. E-Staal is finally playing 'like a big guy' in this year's play-offs and finals and it's starting to pay off for him big time. The TK/Kunitz/Sid/TK goal was a thing of beauty. It was almost like they were telling the Red-rags what to do. 'Ok, everyone focus on Kunitz and Crosby and just ignore the Tyler behind the curtain. Various reporters asked 'what was said between periods 2 and 3 and I think the honest answer would have been. "Le-tank, take it easy on El Sid. We're probably going to need him for the next few games." Tank absolutely and accidentally knocked El Capitan directly on his ass after Geno's second effort pass left Sid with nothing to do but put it in the goal.

That's 2.

Penguins of Doom:

2009-06-02T17:37:00.006-04:00

Here's the two guys who came up big in Game 3 Maximus: 2g The Tower of Flower Power who RULED the second period 27 saves. Not forgeting Geno's 3 point night, or Brooksie and TK smearing the ice with Hose-a's remains. But the two guys with the French-Canadian man-love thing going at the end of the game got the job done.

It's time to break out the Penguins of Doom..... or they'll be doomed. And we'lll all look like that->

I'm sure the guys know what needs to be done, and win or lose we're not going to be seeing the Pens stand around watching the game while they're at home. (unlike in Detroit) I could rah-rah and all that, but frankly thinking of the Red-rags winning the Cup from the Pens again makes me a little sick to my stomach. Nothin against the guys.... after all, who thought we'd even be talking about the SCF 6 months ago? Guys, it's been a good run, but it's time to CRUSH the Winged Whiners.

Malkin.... there's nothing I can say.... you're a beast. Flower.... couple of bad bounces, but it's almost like his head isn't in the game. Sid.... quit worrying so much about what's-his-name and you and the rest of the guys play your game. (Ok, I'm no psycho, I realize none of the Pens is actually going to read this... it's a venting process)

Don't look for any recaps (even the crappy ones I do) or much of anything else..... I'm planning either a drunken celebration, or a deep, abyssal depression depending on the outcome.

Pens-Addict and Proud:

2009-05-30T15:34:00.009-04:00

I sit here in front of my 'puter wondering how it happened. How was I indoctrinated into this? This Cult of the Penguin? How did I become a Pens-addict? Or even a hockey fan? I grew up in the Midwest (Ohio is not mid or west of anything and is NOT in the Midwest) next to the Missouri River where you couldn't even buy a hockey game. Kansas City had a hockey team. The KC Blades of the IHL. 87% of the people in KC had no clue they existed, let alone what they were, but they were there. (To my own shame I never saw a Blades game until I moved to Florida and started working for the IHL Orlando Solar Bears) So how did this hockey thing start consuming my soul? It seemed so simple at the beginning (it always does) I was working at the Orlando Arena (insert 'House of Pain') during the time when the Solar Bears and the Orlando Magic were both in the play-offs of their respective sports. We were converting the arena from hockey to basketball (which is cool to talk about, but hellish to do) when I broke my leg.

The details are unimportant (and slightly embarrassing), what is important is that it was middle of April, I was out of action for 3 months, and my friend Gargoyle had broken his leg 2 weeks before, (no I am not a copy-cat) and Gargoyle was a hockey fan. So, to aleviate the boredom I would go over to his house in the evenings to hang out. And I started watching the SCF's, sometimes 3 or 4 games a night (you know, when ESPN actually knew what hockey was) I was sure I could stop at any time, it's just a phase brought on by the boredom. But looking back, I can see the slide.

A little pick-up Deck Hockey every once in a while. Then it was the occasional Wednesday Night hockey game on ESPN2. A Slap Shot revival on cable (I was still in control, wasn't I?), Mystery Alaska on DVD, watching The Mighty Ducks during the off-season (hey, I'm not proud of it) 16 Macfarlane hockey figures on a shelf made out of hockey sticks, 8 hockey sticks, a complete set of roller goalie gear with 3 different masks, 4 Penguins jerseys 3 commemorative pucks, 3 bobbleheads, 2 KC Blades jerseys, 2 mini-goalie masks, a miniature replica of the Stanley Cup, and a compulsive need to watch every single game the Flightless Ones play in. (I tried for 3 hours to find live coverage of the Jokerit game). I'm not ashamed to state boldly that I hate the Detroy-it Red-Rags, that I'm disgusted that NBC has anything to do with the coverage, but I'll still be super-glued to the couch for every game, or that my calming mantra while waiting for the SCF is 'Flower, don't fall down'. I don't even try to pretend I'm in control any more. I'm a Pens-addict and like Gregory House and his Vicadin, I have no problem being addicted. None at all. And if anyone else does well they can just.... buy a vowel.

My name is Dave, I'm a Pens-addict, and I'm damned proud.

So, say it with me folks, with your 'Octo-pussies' shirts held high

Rematch City:

2009-05-27T23:03:00.003-04:00

It's official. The Pens/Red Rags SCF rematch is about to begin. Try not to get weirded out by the continuous sucking sound coming from Edzone and Croc Emry in their excess of affection for Detroit Rag City. Let the Games begin!

Oh, and someone shoot the Octopus guy for me, would ya? That guy is seriously annoying.

Clean Sweep:

2009-05-26T22:14:00.010-04:00

Marc Andre Fleury and the Pittsburgh Penguins have swept the Carolina Hurricanes for the Eastern Conference Championship, despite getting no goals from Geno and El Capitan, although El Sid did return the favor to Billy Guerrin on an assist that was a mirror image of the play that netted Sid a goal Saturday night. But even though the scoring was there (ok Max's goal was weird, but it's still a goal) the absolute star of the game was the Tower of Flower Power. Whenever the 'Canes started to crash the net it was the quick glove and flipper feet (I was watching Error Youtubes and I have no shame) of MAF that pulled the guys out of any crack in the defensive wall. Flower faced 31 shots and only allowed 1 goal on E-Staal's wrap around 1:36 into the first. Fleury was making me a little nervous in the first following pucks behind the net, but it all worked out with only one or two heart-stoppers. Despite being out shot for the first time in the series 31-25 Marc-Andre was everything that a lot of people were wondering why he wasn't (?). He was Spectacular. Learning Stuff: I learned tonight that MAF has a 'tummy button' where all those pucks evidently keep going. During a post-game interview Flower said that it was easier for the guys to be loose and confident when you're winning. That may be true, but winning or losing still plays hell with the nerves of the fans let me tell ya. It's the Play-Offs no... wait.... it's the STANLY CUP FINALS!!!! (we pause now for a psychotic break) Mike Lange at the end of tonight's game: You can spit-shine your shoes, Mable. It's time to dance with Lord Stanley.That just about says it all, doesn't it?

Sid has obviously either been watching old footage of the Prince of Whales ceremony where Les Magnifique grabbed the Conference Trophy, skated it over to the team and then off the ice, and then on to win the Cup, or Mario had given him secret instructions. After avoiding it last year and losing to the Red Rags in six games The Kid nearly snatched the damn thing out of Daly's hands, and after taking the 'Triple Threat Pic' El Sid, Geno and Sarge all posed with the trophy, then immediately skated it over to the team. Some of them touched it, and some of them didn't. Breaking with superstition, but bowing to it as well.

Now on to the SCF and crappy NBC announcing and no jumbo screen. I don't know about you, but I'm going to be testing my patience listing to those guys slobber all over the Red Rags again this year. Then again, think about this: So far all the stuff 'they' said the Pens couldn't do at the beginning of the season and again at the All Star Break, the Pens have done. The Penguins made it to the Play-Offs, then through three rounds and are Conference Champs again. Let's see... didn't 'they' say that the Pens couldn't win the Stanley Cup?... I think 'they' did. Hmmmmm...... interesting.

But for now, I'm going to enjoy a bit of cool down time.... I think it'll be, oh minutes anyway before I'm itching for Game 1 of the STANLEY CUP FINALS..... GO PENS!!!!!

A Tale of Two Goalies:

2009-05-26T17:07:00.006-04:00

That's right, Penguins are mad-scary! Well, we hope that the 'Cranes think so, anyway. The Tower of Flower Power seems to be going for the scruffy play-off look now that his 'stache and goatee are filling in. Now he's starting to look like a Rock Star. But he's still laughing at the reporters who just keep repeating the three standard questions. A) What do you think about the people (reporters) who downgrade your goaltending. B) How tough are the 'Canes going to be tonight. and 3) What do the Penguins need to do to beat the Flyers/Craps/Cranes/Wings/ and-or Midget hockey club they'll be playing tonight. It's actually a good thing that they keep asking the same questions (although I think even MAF is getting tired of it by now) because you can't hear what the reporters are saying! I still think Hal Gill said it best, "I think if we score more goals than the other team we'll have a good chance of winning the game." How could you put it any better than that?

Evidently Cram Warp has been dealing with some sort of undisclosed boo-boo over the last few games. But they say that he's felt able to play every time he's gotten in the net. So, either it's a non-factor, in which case they never should have said anything. Or it's an excuse, in which case they shouldn't have bothered saying anything. Your guess is as good as mine. One thing I know (or at least think I know) if the 'Cranes have anything left for the Pens tonight is the night we're going to see it. E-Staal (you know he has a brother?), Warp, and the rest know that there's nothing in their future (sod farm) but golfing (Thunder Bay), and vacation plans (home cooking) if they don't pull out the stops tonight. They're going to want to come out strong and the closer to the finish of the game it gets the more desperate they're going to play. So basically the Pens should score a bunch in the first period, break their will, keep them down and rack up the Power Play time for the rest of the game. It's going to be tough to beat the 'Cranes, they're a good team and they're desperate. This one's going to be too close to call for a simple country Ratt..... Batten down the hatches, stock up on the antacids and alcohol and let the game begin!!

And for those of you who've been missing Bob Error making silly comments here's something just for you....

Unrelated Relative Facts:

2009-05-23T10:52:00.008-04:00

Thought it was only fair to warn ya.

Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals will take place South of the Mason-Dixon line in the home of the Hurricanes. Unrelated fact: Danny (Bylsma, not Bi-elsma, Reaugh) is one of the 21 names chosen this year for hurricanes that may or may not hit Carolina. The Pens go into the game tonight up 2-0 in the Series and hope to keep the pressure on the 'Cranes and win one or two 'down there'. I could try to predict the game, scour the internet for the 'experts' opinion to back up my guessing. But you've only got to look back at the last two games to realize that I'm blowing smoke up your butt. No one knows or can predict what's going to happen. Just look at Thursday's game. Start with the score: 7-4. How unreal is that with these goalies? Cookie has a three point night, but no one notices because of all the other amazing shit that happened. How many people thought that we'd be talking about The Lord of the Infernal Realm dealing a beat-down on Eaves? Or the fact that Kris Le-tank's hair would burst loose not once, but twice? (I told you not to mess with the hat) Who pre-wrote the headline 'Kunitz Gets First Goal in 19 Games'? And let's not even talk about Geno's HT, or Pappa Geno getting busted by Mamma for kissing that blond that always sits in front of the Malkin Parental Units. (I'd like to take this opprotunity, once again, to thank them for having sex and the product thereof) Or what about Game 1? Let's all travel back to 7:00 Monday and put some money down on Boucher getting the GWG. Or the least likely thing of all. That VS would actually find an articulate commentator, and then hire him for the Penguins games. I'm no bumpkin, but I was shocked to hear words like 'corpulent' and 'sapient' from an announcer during a hockey game. Unrelated fact: Daryl Reaugh (pronounced 'ray') has a Stanley Cup ring with Edmonton in '88 but his name doesn't appear on the cup. So ask me for winning Lotto numbers, where lighning is going to strike, how many jelly beans would fit in the Igloo or something easy like that. But don't ask me to predict the outcome of Game 3.

Unrelated to just about anything:
Is it just me, or does Harold Priestly Gill III look like a parent that snuck into his kids Midget League game?

Something comes to mind when people criticize the Tower of Flower Power's efforts in the last two series. When you're in the Play-Offs losing is like being caught and mauled by a bear. (just wait, it'll sort of make sense in a minute) Now, when you're running from a bear, you don't have to be faster than the bear.... just faster than the guy you're running with. So far Ward's been the one with his laces untied. (see? that kinda makes sense... in a weird way)

Second Verse, Same as the First:

2009-05-21T16:40:00.007-04:00

Two Pictures of the same thing

Tonight Marc Andre Fleury and the Pens will once again face the 'Cranes at the Igloo. Sooner or later you're going to hear a bunch of people ( if you haven't already) pick the Flower's game apart. Every tiny mistake seems to mean that MAF isn't a world-class goalie. Well Ron Cook over at PPG and I are pretty tired of it. Ron had some good things to say about our favorite pointy-lipped French-Canadian. Another Cooke (Cookie Monster, that is) said, " He loves standing up for our team. He loves the pressure." (It's true, goalies are crazy) He also seems to get a kick out of people criticizing him. He just laughs and grins and then goes out and keeps doing what he does. Making big time saves. Some are beginning to see the light after the huge O'Retchkin save at the beginning of Game 7, like Kimmelman over at NHL.com. But there are still too many overpaid ex-player announcers (NHL network) taking pot-shots at the Flower. Look all you doubters,(Emrick) we're saying he's good, not God, although if there is a goalie God, it's likely he's French-Canadian. You don't get this far into the Play-Offs without great goaltending, you certainly don't come from 10th in the standings to 4th in the Play-Offs without you have some kinda major save action going on between the pipes, if you get what I'm saying. Guess who that would be for the Pens? You got it. The Tower of Flower Power himself, Marc-Andre Fleury. But go ahead all you nay-sayers, get your licks in. Bring on the trash talk and the critical attitude. Because much like Marc-Andre, I don't like you well enough to care if you look like an idiot when all this is over........

Waiting and Waiting:

2009-05-18T17:20:00.007-04:00

You'd think that with just a couple of hours left to go the waiting would get easier. Nope. It's been a rough 5 days waiting for the start of the Eastern Conference Finals. I haven't even looked at my computer because I knew that would make the wait even longer. And with every news outlet now narrowed down to just 4 teams to cover and 5 whole days of nothing going on I figured I pretty much didn't have to post.They're still riding the Staal vs Staal horse about as far as they can go. Prisuta, over at the Trib, seems to be jumping the gun putting the whole series on Marc Andre Fleury's back. Although the article almost sounded like a revisit of the whole Crosby/O'Retchkin match up since he didn't even mention the Tower of Flower Power until the last two paragraphs. (except the title, give a goalie some love, will ya?) The news? Gonch skated, a bunch of Baby Pens were called up, Super Duper may not play tonight (but they said the lines didn't change.... hmmm), the Staals are brothers and Yanni wore an El Capitan jersey at his concert last night. There, I think you're all caught up for the game. 5 days off and in one paragraph I'm all caught up..... hmmmm.

In further news: The Pope was seen blessing Sidney Crosby's stick, so we've got that going for us.

Well, it's game one, I'm stocked up on antacids and alcohol. Got my lucky shirts set out in order of mojo. (if one isn't working, skip to the next one) Wearing my lucky sweatpants (commando, in case you're curious-it's tradition) all my vudu-pens memorabilia is perched atop the TV.... phones turned off, neighbors warned by the raising of the colors (pensflag), I think I'm just about ready to go.... in that top of the roller coaster kind of a way. It's clanking its way to the top, and we're just waiting for the plunge.... .... .... ...... HERE WE GO!!!

UPDATE:

The Tower of Flower Power was absolutely stellar in the first two periods despite getting tied up with Le-tank allowing the Cranes first goal. A Crane's goal was disallowed after someone managed to topple the Sequoia into Fleury. (Paul Bunyan, maybe?) Flower just went back to work making mind-wobbling saves until Eric Staal (you know he has brothers?) scooted his stick away during a power-play late in the third to make the score 3-2. Despite facing a 6on5 and a ton of desperate chances MAF managed to keep the win for the Pens.

Miro Satan scored the first goal of the night sneaking out of the penalty box and beating Cam Ward with a sweet move on a break-away. Satan has been a class act going through being sent down to the minors, then sitting out the first series. He's working his butt off now and putting points on the board. Malkin scored on a sneaky backhand making Momma Geno do the Happy Towel Dance in the stands. (she had the hips going and everything!) And if only to prove that it pays to keep good guys around, Phillipe Boucher scored the game winner on a 5-hole dribbler that crept over the line. (we'll take it)

The Cranes had a couple of guys go down on leg-contact hits with the Pens. Ruutu (not Ruuuuuuutuuuuuu) looked like he pulled a hamstring when Eats knocked him down trying to slide around him, and Cole going down when he and Cookie crossed paths in the slot.

Well, that's one down..... several to go. Now we play the waiting game until Thursday..... Great... I love waiting........ really........... uh.......... yeah.

Marching On:

2009-05-13T22:33:00.007-04:00

And they march on.....

First of all I'd like to send a personal note of thanks to the Penguins, Ray Shero, and Mario 'Les Magnifique' Lemieux and anyone else that had a hand in it, for sending the Crapitals to their respective golf courses.

The Pens WIN in amazing fashion smashing the Craps and Varmalov 6-2. El Capitan re-read some of Semin's (are you sure that's not a body fluid?) comments from earlier this year and punished Wash-out-ton for two of the Pens 6 goals. But it all could have had a different ending if not for... you guessed it, Marc Andre Fleury, The Tower of Flower Power denying O'Retchkin on a breakaway three minutes into the First Period. I could wear my keyboard out describing it, but I'll just be a lazy Ratt and show you instead:

Craig Adams had a surprising reward for all his efforts on the fourth line and PK, (making him FPL) scoring five-hole on Varmolov 18 seconds after El Sid's first. But you all saw the game (and if you missed this, shame on you for 6 weeks) and like I said... I'm so JAZZZED about the game I could do permanent damage to my keyboard....

Two things: We'll know who the Pens face in the Conference finals Thursday night. The Cranes and Broons are tied 3-3, but the interesting game is likely to be the Ducks/Red-rags. Those two teams are polar opposites in their approach to the game and they're also doing the game 7 thing. Could be WAR!

We say goodbye for the season to our favorite targets... uh announcers, and the FSN coverage that has gotten us through the season and Play-Offs so far. Wednesday was the final game for Error and Stogie calling the shots. We'll have to live with VS (where's my gun?) and NBC (Nazi Broadcast Clowns) coverage from here on out. Say what you will about E&S (and I have), they're worlds better than their 'competition'. While they definitely lean in Pittsburgh's direction (and if they didn't we'd hunt them down and burn down their houses) they do their best to be objective admirers of the game of hockey. And as many times as I've said, "Shut up Bob!" or rolled my eyes at some strange polar bear eating a moose story that he comes up with, or wondered if Stogie was even watching the same game, I'm going to miss those guys. So.... Thanks guys, and see you again next season.

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor:

2009-05-13T18:47:00.004-04:00

And that word is INSANITY!!!

I sit and wait in(sane) for the game.....

I hate game 7's.... Game 7's are for highlight reels and talking about between seasons. NOT for waiting for the Life/Death of your team. But my new jacket helps me. I'm only waiting to see if I'll have any interest in hockey for the next three months... that's all. Nothing important.... really! And now for the 'I'm going into battle, and may not return' speech: If this is the end of this season it's been one HELL of a ride! Thanks guys no matter how it turns out.

The Master of the Pan Flute:

2009-05-09T23:10:00.011-04:00

Marc Andre Fleury remains perfection in Play-Off Overtime. Extending his record to 5-0 making 28 of 31 saves to lead the Pens to a 4-3 win Saturday night in Washington. The Tower of Flower Power held the fort during the Craps rush in the first until the Pens could use their first Power Play to get their feet under them. Da 'Burgh boys broke a trend in tonight's game, scoring the first goal and winning the game. Staal opened the scoring with a nice pass from Satan who has been all over the ice. The Craps score two and then Feds who has been a Play-Off beast scoring timely goals recently threw one in past Varlomov to tie it up.

But one of the heroes of the night was the Cookie Monster himself. With a crushing hit on O'Retchkin in the second and a (then) game leading goal in the third. But the big hero of the night was (no not Tom Poti, although we'd all like to thank him) Evgeni Malkin. Geno drew from some unimaginable source the energy to fly down the ice on a 2 on 1 with El Capitan, tried the cross-crease pass which Poti tried to break up but ended up banging it in his own net. I'm sure Craps fans would like to make Poti the goat, but if he misses the pass then Sid just bangs it in past Varlomov.

So it's back to the Mellon for game 6. The Pens have won 3 in a row and lead the series 3-2. And what does this mean? Nearly nothing. Sure the Pens have the advantage in games. The momentum has definitely shifted in their favor, and they return to one of the best home field (rink) advantages in the National Hockey League. But they're not playing last season's Play-Offs, where all they had to do (seemingly) was show up for 4 out of 5 games and then breeze to the next round. The Penguins are playing a team that can, it seems, get away with just about anything as long as they're not found standing over the body with the bloody knife (stick) in their hands. Unlike the old 'Broadstreet Bullies' that you hear about so much the Craps aren't making up for a lack of talent by bashing everything they see these guys have some talent. Of course some of that talent may be in stealing the ref's whistles and hiding them. Also they don't mind playing as dirty as they can get away with to show it off. Don't you think it's interesting that the one player that 'everyone' considers vital to the Pens success is the one that was 'accidentally' injured? The Pens are going to have to come out prepared to either weather the early storm the Craps bring, or match it. One of the good things about coming home is that they'll be able to park The Ever Dangerous Rob Scuderi in O'Venereal's back pocket for pretty much the whole game. Scuds has been even more awesomer than usual defending against the Grape Ape (Great Eight my ass) and deserves his own TFS award for his extra effort.

Sarge News: The news is.... no-one knows what the news is. TSN reported late Saturday that Gonch would be out for several weeks if not the rest of the season. (uh..... never mind) But Coach Dan was quoted early Sunday as saying that he was hoping that Gonch would be ready to skate either Sunday or Monday. Obviously you can't trust either Canadians or Play-Off coaches to give you the true story. You're probably going to have to treat Sarge like Bigfoot, until you actually see him, you can't believe the stories.

Ratt Rant: I'm tired of The Master of the Pan Flute taking the rap for the back to back games in this series. If NBC hadn't been such dicks to decide that the Craps needed the extra rest to give more time for advertising and the first game of the series needed to be on Saturday afternoon to boost their Market Share then there would have been no conflict with Yanni's concert and all of the games could have been spread out evenly. God knows why anyone wants to hear 3 hours of Pan Flute music, but while you can blame Yanni for bringing Auditory Hell to Earth, the back to back blame rests squarely on the heads of Bettman and NBC.

Too P!ssed to Write:

2009-05-09T00:20:00.006-04:00

If Alex O'Retchkin doesn't get at least a game suspension it's because the League doesn't want to screw up their 'Market Share' of the big star rivalry series. Because what he did to Gonch deserves both suspension and a hefty fine. I watched the replay several times and Retch spread his feet to catch Sarge's leg. If it were anyone else.... aww screw it, nothing will happen. The NHL Channel guys are already spinning the hit in what's-his-name's favor. But it was a blatant attempt to injure, and to quote AO himself, 'a dirty hit'.

Update: As I thought, as of this update no action has been taken by the League against O'Retchkin for last night's knee-to-knee hit on Sergei Gonchar. The Pens are making noises about 'how it wasn't as bad as we feared' and 'Gonchar will be a game-time decision', but I'm not buying it. I think they'll do whatever they can to get Gonch back in the line-up, but look to see Boucher (the one they're not talking about) on the blue-line. If Sarge does play (limited, possibly power plays and reduced minutes) look to see Go-Go Gadget Goal doing double time as a winger/defenseman. Bad Idea. The fourth line has been playing very well the way it's configured and Boucher's shot at the point would help make up for the lack of the Power-Play howitzer that is Gonchar's slap-shot. One more thing. The guys can't get caught up in trying to 'pay back' O'Dipshit for last night's hit. They've got to keep doing to him what they've been doing. Put Scuds in his back pocket and leave him there. Of course, if the opportunity presents itself to ... hmmmm say, Mr Orpik, I think O'-Venerealdisease should be mashed into a fine paste against the boards. (vindictive, ain't I?) All in all if the Pens keep doing their thing and put this one in the win column they'll have given another blow to the stake in the hearts of the Craps.... and that'll be a very good thing.

So let's just look at the Tower of Flower Power making a fantastic save on Federov.

Laughed my ass off when Flower told Savran that it was all part of his plan, letting the Craps score first. (first goal in this series hallmarks a losing game so far)Looking for a pic of Brooksie introducing call-up Jay Beagle to the fact that you just don't hit a hitter..... Beagle tried to line up Orpik against the boards but Brooks brushed him off like an annoying insect. Then looked down at Beagle, shook his head and skated away.

Probably see Boucher on the Blue line Sat. And expect Go-Go Gadget goal to get the call-up.... And to the VS and NHL Channel guys.... Anyone that counts this team out just doesn't know the Pens....

The Big Game.... Again:

2009-05-08T17:09:00.008-04:00

Marc Andre Fleury, the Tower of Flower Power remains undefeated in Play-Off overtime! The Flower may be perfect in OT, but my nerves don't follow the stats. Every OT game makes me want to reach for the O2 and a sedative.... Let's try to win this one in regulation, huh guys?

It seems like every game for the last three months has been the 'big game'. That's probably because they all have been. Well the 27 hours that will determine the state of the series will be from the drop of the puck Friday to the end of the game Saturday. Best case: Pens up 3-2. Worst: Pens start packing up and calling golf courses. For the record: We like option 1 better. With a win tonight the Pens can have their foot firmly on the gas pedal and can use that momentum to hand the Craps a loss on their home ice and then bring it back to the Igloo for a little home-cooked series clinching action. Like I said, that's best case. Say what you will about the Craps (and I have) if you ever think that you've got them in the bag there's a young Russian in their net that will convince you that you've got another think coming. Let's face it, the team itself has been outplayed for almost every game but Varmalov has been shutting the door on the Pens right and left (I hate that guy). If they have a chance to win this thing they've got to put the doubt into Varlomov's head and keep it there. The guys are putting in the work, they've just got to find a way to reap the rewards.... I'm going to be doing my part. Once again I'll be the one on the couch, in the (almost) new Powder Blue Game Jersey with Satan on the back. (It worked once, let's see it work again)

Other Stuff: It seems that someone on the Internet threatened O'Retchkin's life. (And we care.... why?) Well amazingly enough it was a Pittsburgher. (not really) The Cops traced the threat to a 17 year old from Chambersburg... You mean right next to Gettysburg, Chambersburg? Yep, you guessed it, our 'Pittsburgher' lives 162 miles away. What do you want to bet they'll make a HUGE deal about that PA in his address not to mention the 'burg'? Let's not even look at the fact that this guy is A: a teenager on the internet and B: Almost twice as close to DC as Pittsburgh(99.7 miles). TSN is already calling Chambersburg a 'suburb' of Pittsburgh and talking about 'Retchkin's police escort in Pitt.(those Canadians love hockey in the US don't they?) It's a conspiracy I tell ya!! Those maniacs from PA all want O'Retchkine dead! What a crock.... (Pssst! they're onto us, call off the Hit-Pen!)

Other, Other Stuff: The Pens will now be broadcast into your lives 24/7 as a part of a nefarious scheme to turn you all into Pens-addicts (oh no, too late). The Penguins, PP.com and 105.9 the X are all getting together to create the Penguins Channel on HD radio. If you don't have an HD system (and shame on you if you don't) the channel will be simulcast on PP.com so you don't have to miss a minute of whatever the hell they find to fill all that time.

If it's a Fight You Want, It's a Fight You'll Get:

2009-05-06T17:05:00.006-04:00

Tonight's game isn't the last chance for the Pens, but it'll sure seem like it if they don't win. For the second year in a row the Pens have made an amazing run further into the Post-season than anyone gave them credit for at the beginning of the year. But to me (and possibly several others) it's not the depth of the run it's how (or if) you go out. If the Crapitals are the team that goes on to the Conference Finals, then so be it. I'd hate it, but I could deal. But the team I watched fight for the Play-Offs hasn't even shown up to the series yet. Other than Crosby's psychotic scoring spree Monday night the rest of the team only seemed to have a normal game. Normal in the Post gets you an early Tee-time. Somewhere the Flightless Ones need to get some fire. Some one needs to be like Talbot shushing the Philthy crowd. One of the grinders needs to reach up and spit in O'Retchkin's eye, or call Federov's momma something nasty and laugh. Something, ANYTHING to get a fire going, 'cause it seems like the rest of the team is waiting for the spark instead of creating one. A win tonight won't be enough. A win tonight only gets you another trip to DC. Someone's got to get PISSED, and take the game by the balls and make it beg for mercy and then laugh maniacally and give it none. Even if they lose, if they went out like that I could deal with the next 4 months in a Pens-less wasteland. I'd hate it... but I'd love 'em for doing it.

So I'll be watching you, Penguins. I'll be the one on the couch, wearing my brand-new, Satan powder blue game jersey. It's the first jersey I've ever owned that didn't have my own name on it. Let's see if that'll bring a little luck your way. The fight, you've got to bring yourself.

GO PENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LE-TANK IN OVERTIME!!!!! That's One.

You got to start with one. I'm starting to see the Pens I know. The Tower of Flower Power, two weird goals but solid as hell all night. More to follow as soon as I talk to the nice officers knocking at my door..... Something about someone screaming? Is everything OK? I don't know, but it's starting to look that way.....

The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly:

2009-04-30T16:36:00.006-04:00

Coach Dan looks to the heavens and asks, "Why me?"

The Good: Coach Dan's wife can finally pick out those Steeler's towels she's been eyeing, because 'da Coach is going to be here for a while. (at least that's the plan right now) They've finally let out the length of Bylsma's contract (what was the big deal about that?) and the agreement is for 3, count 'em, 3 years. (I know that's what they said to HCMT, but have a little faith) I know I'm not the only one to say that the Pens would offer Dan an invitation if he steered 'em to at least a 2nd round. But I said it, and now I get to say, "I told you so!" (and now I've said it, let's move on)

The Also Good: Marc Andre Fleury knows first hand one of the hazards of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. And that is 17,000 reporters who only show up at whatever play-offs happen to be going on (regardless of the sport) and ask ill-considered, off the wall, or just plain repetitive questions. I mean, how many times can a guy answer the question 'What does (insert team here) have to do to win against (insert other team here)?'. I'm sure he's heard it all before, and he just smiles and chuckles, as if to say 'You guys just don't get how funny this is.'. And after answering he looks for the next amusing question and it goes on from there. Personally I think Hall Gill said it best (and with a completely straight face) 'I think if we score more goals than the other team we've got a good chance of winning the game.' Harold Priestly Gill III knows hockey.

Someone who looks less comfortable with the media is Evgeni Malkin. Frankly, the guy is looking like he's regretting learning English. He's trying really hard, but if you pay attention he's not actually answering the whole question. And if he gets any more nervous about being in a 'scrum' interview he's going to start knocking people down pacing back and forth. It's ok Geno, I've lived here all my life and sometimes I can't even tell what those guys are talking about.

The Bad: Due to the NHL's deep seated desire to obsequiously (is that really a word?) suck at the Network tit, the Pens won't play until Saturday when NBC can afford to carry the game. Check this: The Capitals finished their first round on Tuesday, any other team/year they'd have two days to face their next opponent and it would be just too bad if that team were good enough to finish their series 4 days earlier. But since the League and the Networks can make some major dollars off of a 'Big Star Rivalry Matchup' game, and everyone knows that the numbers (ie: money) is better on the weekend, the Pens will end up with a week off while the Caps get an undeserved 4 day rest. The 'Hawks and Vancouver play Thurs. and the 'Canes play Friday after a 7 game series. I'm not sure what, if any, effect this will have on the series, but one whole week cooling off can't be all good. Bending the rules to cash in on the hype is pretty crass from a League who's corporate front is 'It's all about the game' and 'It's all about the Fans'. C'mon guys, it's all about the Benjamins! Yours, that is. Revenue sharing? Riiiiiiight.

The Ugly: Alex O'retch-kin, because... well........ Look at him!

Pound of Fan Flesh:

2009-04-26T10:30:00.007-04:00

There are things you expect as a fan when your team is in the playoffs. Every Pens-addict knows that the post-season will test your blood pressure and anxiety meds, the total capacity of your bladder (can you hold it til intermission?) the tolerance of your non-hockey neighbors (poor, sad creatures) and possibly even your ability to score Prozac on the street. The highs and lows of each game, every series, win or lose, winds the tension clockwork in your body to ever tightening levels. Will the spring snap? Do I reach for the gun, the knife, or the rope? Every step of your team is another step toward or away from that ultimate shiny salad bowl topped stack of silver rings. One team a year gets the glory and our hockey lives are tied into the fortunes of those guys wearing the Fighting Flightless Fowl on their chests. As it should be.

Every fan (who's really a fan) is ready for that stuff. You stock up on Tums, MOM and Vodka and hunker down for the (hopefully) long haul. I want to talk about the hazard you might not expect. The hazard of the Hockey-mate. I used to think that there's nothing I'd want more in the world. A partner who can understand my incurable (not that I 'm looking for one) compulsion to watch mostly-grown men skate around and fling rubber biscuits at each other. What I hadn't counted on was the unexpected physical danger involved with sharing a couch with a fellow victim of this debilitating disease, this Pens-Addiction.

It started with a grab of the arm during a breakaway. Then a nudge with an elbow at an Orpik hit. The first goal scored, it was a bump with a knee as she was bouncing on the couch. Second goal? Two handed grab of the left arm and a squeeze. (not too tight) Third? A grab and a hug/shake. (pretty tight, but I can still breathe) Fourth goal: Double-handed grab/shake/hug, triple smack on the shoulder. (no bruises, but ouch!). Crosby's empty-netter?: Grab/shake/pummel some more, jump in the lap/bounce (accidental?) heel to the shin jumping off-hair grab/kiss. (ok, the kiss part was pretty cool)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Much like the players the fans (I include myself, of course) are used to the bumps and bruises associated with the Play-Offs. You brush yourself off, pick yourself up, and play (or watch) through it. It's an expected part of the game, and, like I said, the kissing part is cool. What I wasn't prepared for was a round of nearly the same punishment when we watched the game replay several hours later on the NHL Channel. Then there was the three continuous replays of On the Fly with a minor variation on the same theme. Then somehow Sunday there was another replay with a similar result. Needless to say, by the end of the weekend I looked like I'd been tied in a bag and thrown down a hill. (but the kissing part was still cool) Once again, this is not a complaint. Merely a warning to all the unattached PensAddicts out there who might read this.

The only other warning I have is, sometimes when you Google 'Penguin with a gun' you get this:

Party Penguins:

2009-04-25T20:37:00.009-04:00

Phlyer fan after the final buzzer

There's something about the Pens and an afternoon game that makes me nervous. The guys just take some time to warm up when playing during their regularly scheduled nap-time.

The first period was exciting.... the way falling down a really long hill full of boulders is exciting. Three goals by Philthy in the first period did not look good. They were taking advantage with numbers for the most part, drawing the Flower out of position and then planting it in the empty net. I'm here to tell ya, I was all ready for a game 7 and the ensuing ulcer when Marc Andre Fleury and the Pens got a severe case of comeback-itis.

So... the second period starts, and it's not looking much better. Until Maximus puts on his duking mitts and goes after the recently suspended Carcillo. It seemed like Mad Max lost the fight, but something about his willingness to drop the gloves and go after the Philthy bad-boy lit some kind of fire under Geno's butt, or maybe it was the 'Shhhh' that Max gave the crowd on the way to the box, I don't know, and I don't care. Malkin starts beating on the goal-door, and Feds is there to bang in the left-overs. More 'scrumming' (translation: tag-team wrestling) and more people get to sit in the box of shame.You could feel the change but weren't quite ready to put away the hara-kiri knives just yet. Then 2 minutes later Eats, of all people, scores on a 3 on 1 breakaway. 10 minutes after that Crosby whacks one out of the air at the goal mouth and it was a brand new game at the beginning of the third.

In the third, Sarge didn't wait too long to put in the game-winning goal and then it was REALLY Tums-time. Let's face it, the guys have had trouble sometimes holding a lead, and Flower had already been bitten for three. But The Tower of Flower Power really turned up the intensity a big notch in the third, making several great saves and one 'Oh my God how the hell can a human move/bend like that?' save on Lupul with just 5:39 left to go in the game.

That one will go into the scrap book.

For the cap-off goal El Capitan refused to give up on an empty netter that first bounced off the side of the cage. He corralled it back in, whipped around the net, and with Cookie making room, buried it (and the Phlyers) into the back of the net. Then there was the strange, almost speed-ball type of calm/hyper-tense waiting period until the final buzzer sounded and everyone could slump back into their couches and freak out their neighbors by screaming 'YES!!!!!!' Then there was the sweet picture of rubbing the Phlyer's fans faces in it by making their team walk the 'handshake line' right in front of them. Sure it'd be sweet to have that at home, but there's an evil thrill in having it done to them, in front of them. We wouldn't be human if we didn't feel it. For a brief second I almost felt sorry for the fans, but then I slapped myself. 'This is Philthy! Screw 'em!' We wouldn't be Yinzers if we didn't feel that.... By the way guys, you can keep the sign.

Get Ziggy With It: Even with the phenomenal face-off upswing of El Sid (63.5% and 99 FO wins, leading the Play-Offs) the Penguins miss the presence of Mike Zigomanis at the dots. Leading the League at the time of his injury Ziggy was a point of confidence for the Pens when facing a draw in the defensive zone. But now, instead of sitting at home on his injured butt, Mike visited the Children's Hospital's Oncology and Adolescent wing with the team around Christmas and was hooked. He's been back several time to visit with the kids, have his picture taken, sign autographs, and talk about both his own, and the kid's experiences in hospitals. No one knows what next season will bring. Free agency and salary-cap aside, I don't know if Ziggy is the kind of player the Pens can use next year, but I do know that he's the kind of man they can use on the team.

Lighning Strikes... In More Ways than One:

2009-04-24T16:48:00.006-04:00

Marc Andre Fleury made a hat-full of highlight saves, but got little offensive help after the first period in a 0-3 shutout loss Thursday in the igloo. The guys played a good game, but seemingly without the intensity of game 4. Combine that with a tit for tat(where do I get more tat?) game 4 for game 5 performance from Biron and you have a recipe for disaster... or at least a return trip to Philthydelphia. Well have to hope for better tomorrow despite the wonderful Wachovia crowd and the almost sickening Philthy-fellatio from the NBC announcers

Lightning struck the technical operations facility for FSN in Atlanta during the second period of Thursday's game knocking out the broadcast for most of the period. It was soon to be recognized as the omen it was. If that wasn't enough of a sign, Bob Error was actually witty and pertinent during the first period making a quip about the lack of a graphic that Stogie was trying to verbally cue up(THAT should have tipped us off). While scrambling madly to find a pirated VS feed online (found it!!) I was listening to the Venerable Mike Lange on the radio and I realized something. No matter how annoying Stogie and Error get, it's sooooo much better to be able to see what's going on. Mike Lange is a broadcasting God, never doubt it, but with nothing but his words to get a sense of the game there's nothing to distract you from the playoff anxiety running rampant through your body. You can't make your own calls, laugh at the screwy people in the stands, threaten a Phlyer's life for coming to close to the Flower, or scream at the refs for missing something (or calling something badly). Geno's almost-goal is a prime example. you have nothing but the descriptions of Lange (wonderful as they are) to form a picture of what happened. You can't argue that 'The Other 2-Niner' is out of his mind (no argument there) thinking that Malk kicked in the puck, or even groan about the astigmatism of the entire crew in Toronto (or fantasize about small thermo-nuclear devices dropped on Canadian cities) or even speculate about the medications they've been passing around to have screwed up the replay call so badly. In case anyone's counting (besides me) that's twice in recent memory that Atlanta has screwed up our Pens-fix in recent memory. I'm all for driving down to Georgia, finding the little man who's job it is to flip the switch to go to the back-up tower and drown him in caterpillars. In a perfect world we could listen to Mike Lange telling us to 'Go out and buy yourself a new pair of shoes' while we watched the action on the screen and Stogie could go announce baseball, or one of those other 'sports' that no one really cares about...Not sure what to do about Error, he's annoying, but has flashes of entertainment value. Maybe he and Bourque could duke it out for the Mike's side-seat in some major Pay-Per-View event.

Instead of showing some of the spectacular saves from last night's game (if there actually was a game 5) I found this nice Tower of Flower Power tribute vid, it even has the unbelievable toe save in it from several angles.... and who wouldn't want to see that again?

Nobody Move, This is a Stickup:

2009-04-23T16:13:00.005-04:00

I'm taking this series, don't try to stop me, or someone is going to get hurt..

Marc Andre Fleury and the rest of the Gang will try to send the Phlyers back across the state to start their summer golfing adventures. Game 5 of the SCPO starts at 7 tonight (you already knew that, didn't you?). It's tough to guess what kind of game to expect from Phylthy tonight. Last season we were all set for a really scrappy (dirty) game 5 and it just didn't happen. It was a clean, no-nonsense game, and the Pens walked off the ice with a big shiny thing that everyone refused to touch. (no, not Staals jock, the trophy thing) We'll have to wait (I hate waiting) and count on the guys to weather whatever the Phylthies come up with. And we're pretty sure they can.

The Pens will have the power of the Lord of the Infernal Realm on wing tonight. Miro Satan will be taking Syko's place somewhere in the line-up. Coach Dan made the decision (or announced it, anyway) this morning. Syko was a bit stunned, but it may be a case of CD trying to light a scoring fire under Petr's butt, combined with giving Satan some playoff ice time. Kris Le-tank got some kind of 'undisclosed' (here we go again) boo-boo in game 4 and will be a game-time decision as to whether or not he'll play. If Kris and his unruly mop sit out tonight, Boucher will step in.

The Pens are calling for a 'white out' for tonight's game and Charlie's Tuna will be giving white shirts out to anyone that walks into the Igloo tonight. I never did see what a big deal this was last year, but I've got to admit, it made a very cool look 20 seconds into this:

I still love this vid......

More to come as the mood strikes me.....

Battle Penguins, Battle Update:

2009-04-21T16:25:00.007-04:00

Update to the Update: Marc Andre Fleury has the #1 save of the first week of the playoffs with that stunner of a save in game 2. Here's the link if you want to see all 10, or here if you're too lazy to scroll down two posts to see the save itself.... Chris Kunitz had the #1 hit for the first week so two out of three (Crosby's goal was this week, so maybe.....) of the tops are Pens.... good deal.

It's time for all good Penguins to prepare for battle. Game 4 of the First round of the SCPO begins at 7:00 pm (and if you already don't know that..... I'm sorry, I can't help you). After Sunday's loss the Pens are going to have to prepare to kick some major Phylthy butt to win tonight. No word on any line changes, but I doubt if there's any plan to transplant the Tower of Flower Power, despite his being victimized for 6 goals in game 3. Malkin was the beastliest Penguin on the ice Sunday, scoring 2 goals and 1 assist to remain the Play-off Leader in goals (4) and points (7). We can but hope that the remainder of the Penguin Pack can catch some scoring fire from Geno and throw some extra shovelfuls of dirt in the attempt to bury the Phlyers.

I will be posting more after the game.... and if I don't it's because my keyboard shorted out from the tears.... But I remain calm...... sorta.

GO PENS!!!

Marc Andre Fleury is officially Super Penguin! Stopping 45 of 46 shots and getting First Star of the night honors, helping the Pens drop the Phlyers 3-1. The Flower was awesome (I hate that word, but nothing else fits) in goal tonight, the only goal he allowed was after he was pushed into the net by the Philthy that Brooks knocked into him. Fleury made some spectacular saves, earning his cape and big 'S'.

El Capitan scored the first goal from his butt again (he leads the League in that), the Cookie Monster got assists on both of the first two goals, TK is throwing everything except the ref at the net and scored another goal, and Mad Maximus topped the night off with the Empty Net goal with a little help from Craig Adams, who didn't seem to know later that the net was still empty and didn't shoot. Either that or he was looking for another assist. The PK all earned FPL (Flower Protection League, hey, we've got new people) honors but most especially The Ever Dangerous Rob Scuderi, (our secret second goalie) who was, once again, blocking shots,banging the boards and has added a fairly dangerous hip-check to his arsenal.

The nominies for the NHL awards (the ones that are voted on) are going to be dribbled out over about 12 days starting Wed. We won't know the 3 finalists for the Hart Trophy until next Wednesday, but I'm pretty sure we'll recognize at least one of the finalists.

Ok, it's time to fire up the Zamboni and head on back to da 'Burgh. Highlights and such tomorrow, and game 5 Thursday!!!

'Nuff Said:

2009-04-19T21:09:00.001-04:00

'Nuff Said.

Cover This: Update Included:

2009-04-17T16:54:00.007-04:00

We pre-empt this anti-Nazi Blowhard Corp. rant to bring you the save of the night... maybe the save of the series... Playoff..... Let's face it, THIS IS THE SAVE OF THE CENTURY!!!!! Maybe not that, but it's a pretty damn good save by the Tower of Flower Power.

Flower made some pretty fine saves (38 of them) and kept the guys going until and into overtime until the Pens version of Father Time, Billy Guerin decided he'd been playing long enough and snuck a very sneaky shot past a barely leaning Biron for his second goal of the night to win the game and was then promptly mugged by the rest of the team and nearly crushed against the boards (they're right, hockey is a tough game) And give Geno 3 points tonight and evidently Mamma and Pappa Geno were a little pleased about it. And once again the fans around them were offering Perogies and IC for 'afters'.
Biron had a much better game tonight than last night (damnit) and the Phlyers had been playing a pretty disciplined brand of hockey (for them) until the overtime just seemed to drive them mad and after a dumb cross checking penalty by Knuble on their PP, Girox was evidently jealous of Kunitz's 'big stick' and so he broke it, taking an even dumber-er penalty. And that's all the guys needed. Series 2-0, advantage Good Guys. I wonder if anyone told the Philthies that there's no points for tying in the Playoffs?.... And now back to your regularly scheduled Blog...

We here at the Penguins Liberation Front would like to protest the lack of love given by NBC to the outdoor screen watching Penguin fan. It seems that by a decision of the Nazi Broadcasting Corp. there will be no bigscreen watching at the Mellon arena this Sunday. (and I presume any other Sunday). It seems that the Natural Brain Cramp tv network has a policy against allowing teams to broadcast games in their arenas. I'm not sure why this affects games broadcast by sponsors OUTSIDE arenas, or why they would care where you watch their crappy coverage and inane commercials, but sometimes people stick to rules that make no sense because it's easier than thinking about the situation and coming to a reasonable decision. So all you drunken Hockey Yinzers will have to go to a bar or home to watch the game like everybody else.

Secret Stuff: PP.com is being very silent about the possible lines tonight. Meaning I couldn't even find out what the projected lines are. They aren't even giving us a guess at who'll be on the ice. That's how secret the lines are! I imagine the Pens are trying to keep Phylthy guessing about whether or not the Hand of Godard will be on the ice tonight. Either that or they just brain-farted and forgot to do it.... oh well, only a couple more hours until I find out anyway....

One person we won't be seeing is Dan Carcillo who's serving his one game suspension tonight. (you've almost got to be found standing over the body to be suspended in the Playoffs) He'll be replaced on the wing by Rookie defenseman Luca Sbisa. He's played wing for them a couple of times during the season, and at 19 he'll be the youngest guy in the Playoffs so far.

More to come depending on my mood, the alignment of the stars, Edgar Cayce's horoscope, and how many french fries I find in my Primanti sammich...
GO PENS!!!

One Down, ? to go:

2009-04-15T22:34:00.006-04:00

UPDATED: The NHL has suspended Carcillo for his asinine hit on Maximus during the last minute of Wed. game 1. It seems that having the Commish in the stands during a mugging might be a good thing after all. It's clearly a statement to the Phlyers not to pull this kind of crap at the end of a game just because they're losing. Long live Dur HockeyFuhrer!... .

Marc Andre Fleury and the Penguins can do the Happy Dance of the First Game after defeating the Phlyers 4-1. The Flower stopped 26-27 and he and his well trained posts made some spectacular saves. The Phylthy's came out to try to establish their game and ran straight into Chris Kunitz.... several times..... hard. In the battle of imposing wills the Pens won hands down. Not even the notorious 'if you're winning we'll just try to beat you up' strategy did them any good. Unless Hartnell and Lupul just needed some alone time and so rushed out to get a penalty. The end of the third period was ridiculous with the Phlyers taking 5 penalties in the last two minutes including one game misconduct (Hartnell) and one fighting major( Coburn). If this were any other team there would be talk of suspensions, but 'It's just the way the Flyers play' is used as a get out of trouble free card. And they're pulling this crap in front of Herr Betman, Hockey Fuhrer. Someone needs to take Hartnell aside and calmly explain to him that's not the way hockey is played around here. I nominate Eric Godard as our professor of hockey etiquette. Don't be too surprised to see God-ly in Friday's line-up, and if that happens Mrs. Hartnell's baby boy had best be absent from class that day. I know that was spiteful and vindictive, but I'm ok with that.

Think about this: You watch Evgeni Malkin do something spectacular, the camera pans into the stands and there are Mamma and Pappa Geno up there having a blast. The folks all around them all know who they are and treat them so nicely. As if to thank them for combining their DNA to form a hockey hero. Here they are, 10,000 miles away from home, and they're treated like hometown folks. Every time you see them in the stands it looks like the people around them have already invited them into their homes for some after-game perogies and an Iron City. When I moved here I had some trouble convincing people that Mario Lemieux wasn't actually born in Pittsburgh, so he couldn't technically be called a 'Pittsburgh's own'. I foresee the same difficulty in a few years with Geno. He and his family have been adopted by the town and that is so cool. 4 years ago no one in da'Burgh could even pronounce Magnitogorsk, and now quite a few of them even know where it is.

Mort to come as vids are updated and it occurs to me to do something with them....

Can I Get Extra Cheese?:

2009-04-14T22:00:00.005-04:00

First things first, this is the post until after the game tomorrow. If I have anything more to say, I'll just update. You have been warned...

Do I get a Pan Pizza with that?: In case you've forgotten 'the other guy' that the Pens picked up with Kunitz, his name is Eric Tangradi and he's a tough scoring center who plays currently for the Belleville Bulls in the OHL. He also shares the lead in playoff points and the Canadians seem to have forgiven him for sticking DiDomenico from the bench at the World Juniors, because he's been named Boston Pizza's Player of the Week. Mostly due to his 5 point game against the Ice Dogs in the OHL playoffs Tuesday. I had to look up Boston Pizza and as far as I can tell it doesn't have anything to do with Boston, but the pizza looks pretty good.

Finnish Fling: Janne Pesonen has ended this season with the highest point total in the whole history of the Baby Penguins. (82) As a matter of fact, he's the highest scoring Finnish player ever to play in the AHL, although someone had to go look that up because there just haven't been that many, I guess. Janne scored 2 goals and an assist in the third to hoist the Pens to a 5-3 win over the Hershey Bears in the season finale. Vince at Pesonen and the Pens will probably have to be restrained and sedated. No Vince, I don't think this means that they automatically have to call Janne to the Big League. Sorry man.

Say it Ain't so: Some Yo-Yo (there's a lot of them around) over at CBC.ca seems to think that none of us know that the Pens and the Phlyers just don't seem to get along.... C'mon! I have nothing against the Phylthies... Really! I'd like to invite them all over for a big BBQ. I hope they'll have the time, what with all the golfing they're going to be doing in a couple of weeks.... How is this news? You have two teams, in the same state, the same Conference, who entered the League in the same year from two towns that already had two other sports rivalries going. Not to mention I have yet to hear anyone in Pittsburgh say anything nice about Philthydelphia, and that includes people that moved here from there!.... How shocking is the fact that the teams don't get along? Drop the PUCK already! It's only been 3 days since the end of the Regular Season and I'm already tired of the silly ass names the reporters are coming up with for this match up. I'm just grateful there's not more time for them to come up with stuff.

I want you all to know that the Ratt is remaining calm waiting for the Play-Offs to start:

Thanks: UPDATED

2009-04-12T20:59:00.007-04:00

I'd like to take this opportunity (one and only, I'm sure) to formally thank the New York Raggers for giving us home ice for the first round of the play-offs. They defeated the Phylthy Phlyers 4-3 this evening making the Pittsburgh Penguins the #4 seed in the Eastern Conference. The SCPO starts on April 15, but no word yet on scheduling... at least I don't think there is.... You'd think that someone would have spun their 'Wheel of Scheduling' and whipped something out by now... after all the season's been over for....... 2 whole hours! Don't they realize they're dealing with addicts here? C'mon Bettman! get your boys in gear! Sheesh...

Update-ish: It seems I have more pull with the NHL than previously suspected. At the un-godly hour of 6 am I was informed that the schedule for the Pens/Phlyers play-off series was out. (don't ask me what she was doing checking for schedules at 6am... I have no idea)

Wednesday, April 15 - PITTSBURGH. 7 p.m., FSN
Friday, April 17 - PITTSBURGH, 7 p.m., FSN
Sunday, April 19 - at Philadelphia, 3 p.m., NBC
Tuesday, April 21 - at Philadelphia, 7 p.m., FSN
*Thursday, April 23 - PITTSBURGH, 7 p.m., FSN
*Saturday, April 25 - at Philadelphia, 3 p.m., NBC
*Monday, April 27 - PITTSBURGH, TBD, FSN
* if necessary
The Big Screens will be set up outside the Igloo for the SCPO just like last year. Fans can watch both home and away games in front of the Gate 3 entrance on the 12x16 screen. I guess it was so popular last year Consol Energy and the Trib decided to sponsor it again. Way Cool.

Some Yo-Yo writer over at NHL.com is calling it the 'Keystone Clash', only marginally less excremental than 'The Battle of Pennsylvania'. But here's the preview he wrote just in case his idiocy doesn't extend to the rest of his writing.

Miroslav Satan looked a bit upset during his off-day interview, not that I can blame him. I'm sure he didn't apreciate being sent to the minors, but he's a proffesional, and he's handled the whole situation a lot better than could have been expected. Oh, and if you're over at PP.com and see an off day interview with Marc Andre Fleury, and you ask yourself, "Why didn't the Ratt post this? He was here stealing stuff anyway." Well, I'll tell ya. It's a tease! There is no off day Flower interview. Don't be sucked in by their propaganda! It's some sick, twisted joke designed to make you stare at their player doing nothing. I'm not sure why this is funny, but it must be to some NHL puter geek somewhere..... sheesh.

I know I mentioned something about it the other night, but it still amazes me. Since the inception of the Art Ross Trophy for scoring in 1948 the Pens have won it a mind-wobbling 13 times..... They weren't even in the League for the first 20 years of the damned thing, and they've won it 4 more times than any other team in the League..... And that includes the 7 times Gretz won it for the Oilers... If you just go from '68 they've won it almost twice as much as anyone else, and in the last 21 years the Pens have won the Art Ross more than all the other teams combined.... Translation: We've been incredibly lucky to have some pretty good hockey players here in da 'Burgh. They ought to just carve the Fighting Penguin on the thing....

Wild Women: Team USA has repeated as world champs this year, defeating Canadia 4-1 in the Gold Medal round Sunday. This makes the second year in a row that the women have sent the Canadian women home with the silver. There will be 6 exhibition matches between the US and Canada this year and 2 possible tournaments that they could meet in. Making a psychotic Olympic rematch a distinct possibility. Finland took bronze in front of their home crowd defeating Sweden 4-1 (do I sense a scoring trend?).

Unexpected Reinforcement: I've taken this opportunity during the break in the action to ask for a little divine intervention. I'm not normally a religious person but I thought two things 1) It couldn't actually hurt anything, and B) At this point of the season we'll take all the help we can get. In response to my inquiry of possibly deity sponsorship for the Flightless Ones I got this response:

Of course after the amount of bourbon I poured into them they'd have promised sponsorship to a brothel.

Connection:

2009-04-11T21:49:00.010-04:00

Other than a Staal and a few Eastern European players (Geno, Sarge, and Feds) the home-town boys held the day. Luckily for us those 'homies' were Mad Maximus, Super Duper, Le-tank and the Tower of Flower Power, Marc Andre Fleury. The Pen's 'French Connection' all grew up somewhere around Montreal, but we don't hold that against them. Btw, Carey Price has been sentenced 5-10 years for the goals he robbed the Pens of during the game. MAF was really sharp for the most part during the game stopping 29 of 30 and made some jaw-dropping saves on the ever sneaky Alexei Kovalev. But he did his best work in the third period when the guys seemed a bit sluggish and had some trouble getting the puck out of their own end. Flower stopped about 15 shots in 2.3 seconds and kept the tie going so his buddies could score two amazing shorties a few minutes later. Here's the TFP showing everyone just how good a pointy-lipped Frenchman can play the game:
The only goal for the Great White North's actually bounced of the Sequoia and went in, so we won't count that one against him. Flower's got a good run going into the Play-offs and that only says good things about the Pens chances to advance into the later rounds. (We won't talk about that last round yet... superstitious? Moi? Not a chance!) Also I'd like to already nominate Jordan Staal for Tough Guy of the Play-Offs for taking a puck in the face and returning later in the period with his new stitching. I just hope his face doesn't end up as screwed up as Bugsy did last year. Wow! Did that guy end up 'Uglied Up' or what?

Really Good Stuff: How amazing is two short-handed goals for the Pens during the same PK? How often does that happen? The only thing better than that was the fact that our eyes weren't assaulted by the third jerseys the Habs obviously stole from some gay penitentiary somewhere. I mean, c'mon! The team's been around for 100 years and that's the best 'Old Tyme' jersey they could come up with? They look like some sort of strange 4th of July hockey candy.

Mrs. Malkin is going to have one more thing to dust when she visits her son's new house. The Art Ross Trophy Geno won tonight. Malkin scored a goal and that was too much ground for O'retchkin to make up. The Ugly One had a goal and an assist to climb to 110 but couldn't touch the 113 mark set by Geno. Evgeni joined Le Magnifique (6) Jammer Jags (5) and El Sid (1) to boost the Pens Scoring Title number to 13. That's just a sick number of ART'S in the last 20 years. As a side note, for 21 years (80-'01) if your name wasn't Lemieux, Jagr or Gretzky you just didn't get your name on the thing. That hardware's got to give him an inside track for the MVP for the Leage to go along with his Team MVP. Not to take anything away from O'retch, who scored an amazing 56 goals this season, but can you pass over a guy who leads the League in Points, Assists, and Take-aways? I think not. In my humble, yet all knowing opinion Mamma Geno should have another piece of bric-a-brac to dust off next year and that would be the hardware named after Dr. David Hart.

Play Off Preview, Sort of: Ok, show of hands... how many of you thought 2 months ago that we would be sitting here talking about who we were going to face in the Play-Offs? I gotta admit, my hand would not be among the elevated. HCMT had just been fired after a nightmare inducing loss to the Laffs, causing jaws to drop all over Pensland, and they bring in this guy with a name that sounds like a gastric disease, Bylsma. Now just about 2 full moons later and the talk isn't who do we want to face in the SCPO's it's how most teams don't want to face the Pens. Coach Dan comes in, does a little tweaking, and then the Easter Bunny brings them 2, 100+ point players, an Art Ross trophy, an 18-3-4 record, and at least a 5th place in the Play-Offs. (if the Phlyers lose in regulation the Pens will be in 4th and get home-ice for the first round) So Coach Dan gets the First Annual Kick-Ass Coach of the Year Award. I know he'll treasure it forever. I'm already casting my vote for Coach Dan to return next season to see what he can do with 82 games in his pocket. Also, I'd like to have every kid in Pensburgh go to Coach Dan's hockey camp. It's obvious this guy knows something about the game.

We of the Pensaddict persuasion would also like to take this opprotunity to thank Uncle Daddy and the Debbils for beating the Hurricanes and taking them completely out of contention for the 4/5th spot in the Eastern Conference. Even if the only reason you guys showed up to that game at all was because you didn't want to face the Pens in the Play Offs.

Penguin Invasion:

2009-04-09T23:44:00.011-04:00

Ok, this was supposed to post late last night and, computer whiz that I am, I hit 'save' instead of 'post' and then never checked that it posted (the one time you don't check... sheesh) so here it is in all its late glory.

The Penguin invasion of the Stanley Cup Play-Offs will begin this weekend with the final placement of the 8 teams in the Eastern Division. The Pens are tied with Philthy and Carol-in-a for 4-6. The Canes have more wins, the Phlyers have fewer games, and the Pens have... the current scoring leader of the NHL, and some other hockey guys you might have heard of (Flower, Croz, Tank..., maybe you've heard of some of those guys).

Marc-Andre Fleury wasn't in the net tonight, but he left his well trained goalposts to make 5 saves for his replacement, Matheiu Garon. Garon and the Pens looked a bit shaky during the first period but came on late in the first to tie on their way to defeating the Aisles 6-1 to clinch at least a 6th place berth in the play-offs. Philippe Boucher announced his return to the line-up with the tieing goal in the first and that opened the floodgates as the Pens never looked back. Pittsburgh was awesome in the PK, even though there were too many damn penalties. 2 long 3-5 kills (one without the help of the Ever Dangerous Rob Scuderi, the super-secret extra goalie) that were defended to perfection and gave Garon a chance to prove that The Flower isn't the only Gumby-goalie on the team. Other than the 7-2 penalty differential the guys played a pretty good game against a team of men trying to prove to their management that they deserve to be employed next season. Geno picked up 2 points on assists on Boucher's and Crosby's goals and finally acted like he was excited to be in the lead for the Hart trophy. "Yeah, I feel good." Malkin said, "One game left, it's OK, I think it's too much points (for Ovechkin to catch him)." and then he went on to promise that if O'retchkin scores 4 points he'll score two more Saturday. Kris Le-tank will receive a special TFS award point for crashing the net and nearly redirecting Dupuis' goal in.

Fan Appreciation, Appreciation: My favorite part of the season (other than the play-offs when the Pens are in) is the Fan apreciation night. I was blown away when I first moved here and started watching the Pens as a 'home-town' team when after the last game of the season the team gave their jerseys away and started throwing T-shirts up into the stands and generally making goofy fools out of themselves thanking the fans for all their support throughout the season. Watching Maximus sitting in the Penguins Polaris given away to some undiserving fan (ie: not me). Or The Tower of Flower Power pitching shirts at one of his team-mates on the ice (probably Max), Malkin making sure a kid got the game stick he handed over the glass, although it was somewhat disturbing to see the grin on Cookie's face when he was imprudently armed with a Tshirt cannon. Just about all of them were signing something thrown over the glass and whipping it back (hopefully to the person that threw it), and then each one of them giving a fan their jersey (Raine is ready to track down the blond 'bitch' that won MAF's jersey so she should be warned) and revealing the 'Fighting 5th' shirt worn under their gear (the Pens collected over 100 grand for the Fallen Heroes Fund at the game). Makes you feel like the guys think they're lucky to have a bunch of semi-crazy Pensaddicts screaming from the stands and we all know we're lucky to have them to root for, shout at or drool over as the case may be.... Thanks Guys.

Satan Sighting: Miroslav Satan has cleared re-entry waivers (uh....... nope, to complicated to explain) and will be back on the Pens roster in time for the Montreal game and throughout the play-offs (however far they go). We are pleased to see the Lord of the Infernal Realm back on the 'Big Squad' and hope that no one had to sign his soul away to get this to happen.

Winter Classic News: Reports are that next year's Winter Classic will take place in Fenway Park, possibly the Broons against either the Crapitals or the Phlyers. What does this mean to the fans? Well we should all look for a trade involving Ty Conklin to one of those three teams so he can keep his streak of playing in every NHL outdoor game alive.

The March of the Syko 300:

2009-04-07T22:10:00.006-04:00

Petr Sykora scored his 300th goal tonight in a wild finish against the Lightning. Watching the first period almost made me fall asleep, although once it got to the third I'm glad I didn't. Marc Andre Fleury was rolling a shut-out until 4:34 into the third and then it was like someone opened the gate. Pittsburgh South scored 3 goals in just over 5:00. One on what should have been a blatant interference penalty. But, if they'd have called that, they probably would have called Feds on the Syko goal, so we might let that one slide. Flower was patting his goaltending partner (the left post) in the first, but he really needed their help in the third when P-South had 21 shots on net. MAF stopped 33-37 and was making some wild saves.

El Sid scored 2 PP goals Geno had 2 assists to keep the scoring race interesting. But the title of Sneakiest Player of the game goes to Mad Maximus. Talbot was run over by Koci in the defensive zone, drawing a penalty, Ko-ko then followed Max up the ice trying to egg him into retaliating. Max said something over his shoulder to Kocci (probably wondering how his mother was doing) and then led him, smiling all the while to prove his friendly intent, into the waiting arms (and fists) of Eric God-like. Eric tried to persuade Koci that sort of ungentlemanly behavior would not be tolerated, and that he should remove his hat in the presence of his betters, and then proceeded to rip it off and punch him in the head. Koko-puffs refused to be instructed, however and was escorted off the ice to write an essay on good manners. Later Artyukhin, the Sasquatch that's shaved like a man, must have called Guerin an old man, or something. So Bill decided to teach the young lad some manners... temporarily forgetting that Arty is 14 feet taller than he is. So Billy decided to rough him up a bit, and then give him a hug to prove he wasn't rejecting him as a person. They both went to the meditation chamber for some quiet contemplation.

You know how everyone has that annoying relative that just won't shut up. You know the one, brother, sister, cousin... parent. The one that just goes on and on and on until you just can't hear them talking anymore, they're just an annoying drone of noise in the background. Well, Stogie is my hockey version of that person. Somewhere toward the final third of the game I think I heard him say something about someone getting a broken hand blocking a shot. Turns out it was Ryan (Bugsy) Malone who'll be out for the rest of the season (I know it's only 2 games, but this is a guy who played after getting hit in the broken nose with a puck.... yeah, he's tough). I'm sorry to hear that Bugs was hurt, but there's a certain part of me that just figures that's the price he pays for not playing in Pittsburgh (vindictive, ain't I?).

Other News: Oh yeah, did you hear that the Pens had clinched a play-off spot? Wild, huh?

GO PENS!!!!!!

When It Quacks Like a Duck:

2009-04-05T23:20:00.007-04:00

I've been known to overlook the occasional faux pas (I know, it's another language, deal with it) delivered on the ice. I've even sugar-coated most of December (5-8-1) and I've been guilty of glossing over most of January (5-8-1) but I just can't make nice about what happened Sunday in the 'Where's the Sunshine State'. The Pens looked like they'd been replaced by time-warp doubles from Dec-Jan after El Capitan took on Ballard for upending Geno with a hip-check that sent him for a hockey version of Mr. Toad's Wild Ride. El Sid will never put fear in the hearts of apposing tough guys, but he did have a WWF take-down move. With Sid in the box the whole team just seemed to unravel a bit during the second period and didn't even look like themselves until just minutes left to go in the third. By then it was too late, as we all know by now. Marc Andre Fleury faced 26 shots and allowed 4 goals. Flower made some good saves, and the defense were doing their jobs for the most part (Scuds blocking that shot and clearing the rebound on the PK, Orpik riding what's-his-name right through the crease and into the boards) but the guys kept giving up the puck around the blue lines or in the neutral zone, or turning the puck over on the lead pass out of the zone. All the bad stuff they were doing for those two months when we were all wondering if they were playing for good draft picks, or something. I'm going to have to apologize for Sniper Kitty failing to make the trip to Florida and that should explain why niether Error or Stogie were taken out for their jinxing comments at the end of the first period. It's going to take some Major-League meditation for the Ratt to get calm for Tuesday's game in Tampa. But enough about the bad stuff, on to Other Things.

Other Things: Tyler Kennedy has been scoring goals, crashing the boards, and just about running over anyone who tries to get between him and the puck. One fine example of that was during the Raggers game when he jumped IFHSA and beat him to the ice.

TK has been called the 'Energizer Bunny'. Which is apt enough, I guess (he does bring energy to the game and the team) but it sounds wimpy and cutesy and doesn't fit at all on a guy that regularly takes runs at Zedano Charra who tops him by about 12 feet. (ok, it's only 2 feet, but still...) So I have decided to consider TK the Pens version of DareDevil. Because on the ice, he is The Man Without Fear.

Debbil, Debbil Toil and.... Trebbil?:

2009-04-01T16:31:00.003-04:00

Ok, we are (or at least I am) going to pretend that I'm all caught up with everything from last weekend, and move on to tonight's contest with the Debbils from New Jersey. Lots of good things have come out of New Jersey... like.... uh.. I can't think of any at the moment, but I'm sure something will come to me.

Marc Andre Fleury will play in net tonight for the 6th straight game, and other than Craig Adams seeing some time on the 4th line tonight, no changes to the line-up are evidently contemplated. In a good news/bad news kind of a stat, the Pens are 2 points out of 4th place, but also only 2 points from 8th place (is that crazy, or what?). The Debbils have managed to lose the last 5 games they've played, but Bill Guerin and the rest of the guys are sure that it's only a matter of time before they snap that streak, they just don't want it to happen here. On a semi-interesting side note: According to the FSN Dynamic Duo (Error and Stogie) the Penguins have run the winningest goalie in NHL history (Brodeur) out of the net more times than any other team. Don't know if that means anything, but it's kinda cool when you think about it.

'Cause I Wanna:And just because this is my blog, and I can randomly stick things in here whenever I want, here's a Flower Power tribute I ran across on Youtube the other day... more to come after the game... probably:

Do-Over:

I decided to can that vid (fickle, aren't I?) and substitute this one instead:

The Tower of Flower Power was very solid in net, making some tough saves and allowing only one freaky goal that I'm still not sure didn't pass into another dimension to get around MAF and into the goal. The Pens resoundingly crushed the Debbils 6-1 with just about everyone but the Cotton Candy Dude scoring for the Good Guys. Cooke, Guerin, Malkin, Staal, Crosby and Kunitz scored, and might I say 'nice try' to the Croz on that second Soccer Style Goal attempt. Uncle-Daddy must have heard something about how often he's fled the Flightless Attack before and wouldn't allow himself to be taken out of the game. (I'm sure he doesn't read TFS, so I'm not taking any credit). I almost felt sorry for that poor, hapless Dainius Zubrus who spent more time on his back than a coma patient. Someone invoked the spirit of Darius Kasparaitis tonight as the hip-checks were flying all around the ice. There was more butt being thrown around than a Spring Break thong contest. The best 'Unfriendly Ghost' imitation was thrown by the Ever Dangerous Rob Scuderi. Scuds threw a hipper that flipped, you guessed it, D. Zubrus ass over tea-cup (it's a Midwestern thing, don't try to figure it out) on the boards at the blue line. And then in some strange twist of fate, Zube was upended about a minute later by Brooks Orpik who somehow got a penalty for being the 15th person to put 'The Big Z' on his butt, but that wasn't enough for Dainius who then decided to get Brooksie another penalty for being attacked by an insane Lithuanian hockey player. Holik decided at the 2nd break that Sequoias really weren't all that tall and confronted Gill.... and I'm not really sure what happened between right before that, and just before Sutter told the ref to 'Go puck yourself'. Because FSN had a big Second Period Stat graphic up covering the entire screen. Sutter was given a team penalty for 'abuse of an official'. At least I assume that's the abuse they were talking about, we really don't know what happens in the locker rooms between periods. (I'm not sure I really want to, either) NHL.com has screwed the highlights up so this isn't nearly as interesting as it could be. At least that's the excuse I'll be using, anyway. More to come when it occurs to me.

Broke Down Break Down:

2009-03-31T16:22:00.002-04:00

IT LIVES!!!!

Some of you may have noticed (some of you may not have) that I didn't do my usual post-game antics after the Raggers left town. The reason for this is simple (and so am I) other than the 3 or so hours I spent satisfying my Pens-jones Saturday, I've been working like a Mad Scientist (see inclosed photo) to revive my ailing vehicle. (not wanting to buy my mechanic another yacht). So, some of this will be catch-up (not to be confused with 57 Varieties) and some of it will be my ignoring the fact that I have catching-up to do. So strap yourselves in (or down), here we go:

Fleury Facts: One fact I dug up probably won't win that game of NHL Trivial Pursuit you've got planned for this weekend, but interesting nonetheless. According to Bob Grove (and who am I to dispute Bob?) The Tower of Flower Power is undefeatable (is that a word?) on the 25th day of the third month of the year. For the last three years in a row MAF is 3-0 (hey that rhymes!). Not only is the month of Ceasar's Ghost good to the Flower, he has one day that he evidently gets all to himself because all three games were shut-outs. 3/25/07, 3-0 against the Broons. 3/25/08, 2-0 against the Debbles, and 3/25/09, 2-0 against the Flamers. I don't know about you, but I'm planning next 3/25 to have Marc-Andre buy me a MEGA-MILLIONS ticket..... BTW, the Pens went 10-1-2 in March, I know I've said it before, but it still blows me away.

When We Were Pens: Dany Sabourin was given 1st place at NHL.com's version of the Top 5 shootout saves, and I thought you might like to see it. Amazing save:

We miss ya, Dany.

Well, more to come when I get my stuff back to gether..(or when I can get to gether back together) or when I can find TK's fight vid. You never know.

Putting Out the Fire:

2009-03-25T17:02:00.004-04:00

Ok, it's a Pittsburgh area Township, and it's a fire truck, (and it says Kennedy on it) Kinda lame, but I'm going with it.

Marc Andre Fleury and the Pens will face Jarome Arthur-Leigh Adekunle Tig Junior Elvis Iginla (I'm not kidding, that's his name) and the Calgary Flames tonight. I really didn't need to say that, it's just cool to write out the longest name in hockey. The Flames are a series of contradictions, 3rd in the League in scoring, but they're last in Goals allowed. Kipprosof is the winningest goalie in the League, but the Flames are allowing over 3 goals a game. They've had some struggles recently, but they beat Detroit 5-3. So the theory is, score early, score often, keep scoring, score some more and then when you're done with that, score again.

Flower Stuff: PP.com has a fairly decent article about the Tower of Flower Power. You know, once you get past all the Spring alliterations and the goofy floral references ( it's different when I do it) Flower it seems is one of the Best in the League when it gets down to 'crunch time' (which is a good thing) with a March/April record of 29-9-5 and a goals against average of 2.06. He's not really sure why he 'blooms' in the Spring (couldn't help myself) but we're all glad he does.

Game Stuff: The Tower of Flower Power faced 31 shots and made 31 saves. Getting a little bit of help from his two favorite red-painted friends, but doing most of the work himself, Marc Andre Fleury notched his 4th shut-out of the year, and the 15th in his career.

Flower and the FPL pretty much let the offense distract the Flames and said, 'That's OK guys, we got this one.' Kris Le-tank made the first goal on a sweet pass by El Capitan on the Power Play, Brooks Orpik was doing his Smokey the Bear imitation and squashing anything with flames on it. And Gill, the Mighty Oak, the Human Sequoia became something of an offensive power-house. Hal Gill joining the rush... these words you do not expect to hear during a hockey game. But the Sequoia was doing it all tonight, clearing the front of the cage, hitting, blocking shots, poke checking, standing up at the blue line, hitting some more, and yes, joining the rush behind Geno, taking that beautiful drop-pass and going high stick side on Kiprusoff for his second goal of the year.

Cooking With Geno: I saw this on the site, and it was pretty good, with Geno acting his big, goofy self, and Kris Le-tank breaking in to the show just in time to wolf down the perogies Evgeni and Alyonka made. She almost can't get rid of Kris at the end, he just keeps eating! With English subtitles... Take it away Pens-chef!

In other food/Pens related news, Maximus, TK, Staal and Dupuis made a special Pizza Delivery to the guys constructing the Consol Energy Center. Duper was given a chance to drive one of the excavators (backhoe) and nearly brought the place down. Ok, he just went backwards when he wanted to go forward, but I'm sure it scared the crap out of him. Here's the vid if you can stand the annoying announcer, and want to check it out.

Streaks and Confused Monkeys:

2009-03-23T19:59:00.006-04:00

The Streak has ended

The 12 game point streak has ended for Marc Andre Fleury and the Pens. And the Ratt has entered a period of meditation to once again center himself with the Hockey Universe. Actually the guys didn't play badly, and the Phlyers didn't play better than the Pens, they just got an unbelievable game out of Marty Biron, (and how often does that actually happen against the Pens?) Most of the time Biron is a Central European Dairy Product (Swiss Cheese) to the Pens snipers, but not Sunday. Kris Le-tank scored the only goal for the Flightless ones, but the rubber was flying (28 shots) and the energy was up we just needed to crack Biron with a pipe or something. But we can't bitch (doesn't mean we won't) out of the 34 possible points available to the Pens since Coach Dan took the reins the guys have managed to lasso 27 of them, go from a distant 10th to a semi-solid 5th with a decent chance for 4th place before the last 8 games have been played. (Philly has 11 games left) We were bound to lose one or two, I just hate that it was Philthy we lost to, but it just gives me more to hate them for. (hey, that kinda rhymed!)

Better Hockey Stuff: Call him Evgeni, Geno, The Incredible Malk, or the Beast From the East(-ern Conference) Malkin is 10 points ahead and has 5 assists more than El Capitan and has been picked the League's Second Star for his 3 goal 5 assist, 8 point run last week. That Cam Ward dude was First Star, and Shane Doan (All Star Shoot-Out winner) caught the Third Star honors. Guess those Blogger-verse guys were wrong about the suspension too, huh?

Kinda Not so Good News: The Buffaslugs have kind of been struggling without the services of Amp Energy Drink commercial star Ryan (yo mama) Miller. Well, Miller started skating with the team today, he doesn't give any timetable for his return, but you've got to know he'll be pushing it with the 'Slug's play-off chances floating out into Erie with the rest of the Buffalo sewage. They're a much better team with him in, and there are enough teams knotted up in this play-off race, I don't need another one to keep track of.

What the....?: Speaking of teams we forgot to watch, the Ottawa Senators have somehow managed to claw their way out of the basement and now hold 11th place in the East. Just 2 points behind the aforementioned Buffaslugs. They've won 5 games in a row, including one against the NY Rags (thank you very much). Of all the weird things that have happened in the standings this year, this might be the weirdest.

Snipers and Savers:

2009-03-21T20:36:00.007-04:00

The man's so good he doesn't need a glove. In some kind of Schoolyard 'Even-Steven' guesture, Marc Andre Fleury played for several minutes in the first period without a glove. He still didn't allow the Kinks to score. The Tower of Flower Power stopped 24 of 25 in the game and later used that glove to wipe the face of Stoll in the Second Period when Stoll got too close to the Flower Patch, which started a scrum that caused Le-Tank to lose his hat. What isn't much noticed is The Croz tackling some hapless Kink to the left of the net and putting him on his ass. New FPL member (4th liners can apply) Craig Adams, who we don't hear too much about, gave up his stick to Scuds and then laid his body on the line 2 or 3 shots in a row on the 5 on 3 earning him provisional FPL status, even though the Kinks eventually scored. Speaking of FPL members we haven't hear from in a while Philippe Boucher has been taken off the IR list and was actually a scratch from last night's game. Booch has been out since Jan 30, with a foot injury.

Taking Care of 'Bidness':

PensChick asked that I throw something at Error the next time he jinxes the Flower, and I put one of my top 'people' on it. (As you can see by the picture on the left). Although we won't know his effectiveness until Wednesday when the Pens play the Flame-outs, since the Phlyers game is NBC (the Hockey Gods are so cruel sometimes). Just a reminder: the Sunday game is at 12:30 not the 3:00 start as per the schedule.

News to Make You Reach for a Weapon: Evgenin Malkin evidently had a phone hearing with the Czar of Hockey Discipline sometime today. (Geno's Russian, he can deal with Czars) No details are available, although the League doesn't seem to be giving it the play the Blog-iverse is giving it. People seem to be screaming one way or the other about the hit, but they're all using the same annoying Vid with post-game comment by some LA Nazi who would seem to want Geno to go to some Concentration Camp with all the other good players who remind him why he's an announcer and not a player. I've seen the vid, I've put up with the WC (west coast) Nazi, and I've got to tell you: Yes, he leaned in when he struck Simmons (isn't that a mattress?), but it looks like Geno was bracing for a hit from Simmons when for some unknown reason, Simmons decided to strike Geno with his face. Malkin did not vary his line or raise his elbow to initiate a hit. If he's suspended I've got some footage on cheap shots given to El Sid that I'd like the League to review.

Ratt-thoughts:Malkin has been a Hockey Beast the last few games, even more than usual. Geno and El Capitan seem to be playing a different game than even the rest of the team. It's almost like they've time warped their game into play-off mode. If I were on the team facing the Pens in the SCPO (should they make it in) I would be in fear, because these guys aren't playing Play-off hockey yet. They'll be really-really-really scary to face once they start.

Time Changes and Changing Times:

2009-03-20T18:01:00.003-04:00

No, I'm not talking about Daylight Savings Time. In case you haven't heard, the Philthy Phlyers game Sunday has been moved to 12:30 EDT (if you're still in the DST mood). I couldn't find any reason for the move other than the fact that we'll all have to put up with NBC's coverage 2 1/2 hours earlier than predicted at the beginning of the season. Last time we got away without having Doc and Edzone in the booth, but I'm not sure we can expect that kind of luck 2 games in a row.... Yes Ed, we know you're still bitter about the Pens firing you. There are plenty of bridges around, why don't you just go deal with your pain that way? Instead of making all the rest of us suffer. We didn't fire you, we just agreed with it.... Sheesh.

Coach Dan will be coaching against the team that gave him his playing start tonight when the Pens meet up with the LA Kinks tonight at 7:30. (Different morons in the booth. But hey, they're OUR morons) Coach Dan played for LA from '95-00 in 220 games, but is not going to let sentimentality to get in the way of gaining two points for the Pens. The Pens didn't skate in line combos so they're taking an even wilder than usual guess about who's skating with whom, but predictions are that The Tower of Flower Power will be protecting the twine tonight.

As usual, more to come as the clouds in my mind dissipate.....

For the 'Short Attention Span Contingent' Sunday 12:30 for the Phylthy Phlyers game

Luck of the Irish... Sort of:

2009-03-17T16:33:00.009-04:00

Happy St. Patrick's Day to One and All.... And the Luck 'O the Irish (or French Canadian) to the Pens tonight against the Thrashers.

Part of that 'Irish' luck has already struck a bit, as Evgeni Malkin skated with the team this morning, and will play tonight after taking a day off because of 'illness'. (undisclosed, of course). So the lines will be the same as the last couple of games, anyway. Along with that luck is the fact that Thrasher's (what is a thrasher, btw? some sort of 6 year old with a fit?) leading scorer Ilya Kovelchuck won't be playing tonight, not that they needed him to paste the Craps with a 5-1 loss last night. Oh well, can't have everything.

The Moose is Loose: After 6 years Johan Hedberg (Mooooooooooose!) will be playing in the Mellon arena. He's been back before, but this will be the first time he's started here since being traded. And if that wasn't 'old home week' enough for you 'Army' Armstrong will be back again with that hand breaking beak of his. (Feds.. keep the hands in the gloves if you whack him again) In honor of the 'Arm-ster' returning I think it's only appropriate to link (won't let me embed) that silly-ass car commercial (Just call me Superstar) It's hard to root for the Ex-Pens you like, but still wish them to be crushed in humiliating defeat.... have to work on that one.

Philippe Boucher started skating with the team this week, and is listed as 'Day-to-day' but still hasn't been taken off of Injured Reserve. But he really, really, really, wants to be back for the Play-offs if the Pens make it in.

I'll get update-itis after the game, so until then have a Pot O' Gold on me:

Update-ish: Evgeni Malkin was a monster on the ice. A 5 point night 2g-3a to help lift the Pens past the Thrashed 6-2. (technically the Pens scored all the goals in the first period and a half, Sorry Scuds) Gonch (1g-3a), Kunitz (1g) Staal (1g) and, of all people Eaton (1g, 2 penalties) rounded out the scoring for the Pens. The FPL turned into the Flower Scoring League when Sarge and Eats broke for a 2 on 1 on Geno's pass and put it past the Moose. Crosby and Le-tank each had 2 assists and Bill Guerin managed to sneak a point in there somewhere. People were shouting MVP! MVP! and then The Tower of Flower Power was caught behind the net with one of the FPL pushed into him, flew across the ice, dove like a maniac and he and Eaton combined to keep the puck out of the net. Then the chant was FLEURY! FLEURY!. I even once heard MOOOOSE!, (it's easy to be magnanimous when you're ahead by 4 goals.) And the Power Play actually had POWER... which is good. I think they've found a configuration that might start working for them. Once again, more tomorrow when the vids are posted... until then, be cool as a Penguin:

As Promised:

2009-03-15T19:48:00.003-04:00

In the heat of my Phillips Screwdriver (MOM and Stoli) hangover, I almost (not quite, but almost) forgot to check and see if they'd posted the entire Inside Penguins Hockey: Kids Edition. So, without further ado (whatever ado is) here's the entire episode for your viewing pleasure: It's a good thing he's such a good goalie. 'Cause he's a complete goofball off the ice.... lol I decided to give this its own post to make it easier to find later. The regular post is down there V

Bears, Backups and Old Tyme Hockey:

2009-03-15T18:15:00.006-04:00

Second intermission there's a knock on the Bruin's locker room door....

I turn my back for 1:00 at the beginning of the third period and what happens? I'm still not sure!
The score went from 2-3 to 4-3 in the blink of an eye. (what a time to need a soda) I come back to the game and they're all hanging out around the benches, I'm thinking 'Must not have started the third yet'... Oh no laughing-boy, look at the score! They were sweeping hats up off the ice for Chris Kunitz' second goal in less than half a minute. Nitz says he didn't touch the first one 0:43 in, and later it was credited to Gonchar in the Box Score and the Highlights. But he definitely touched the second goal to put the Pens up 4-3 1:01 into the third period. Man, all those people are going to want their hats back..... Syko finally scored again from his second-favorite spot on the ice. (same distance, the other side of the slot is his favorite) Staal flipped in a very smart empty net goal , (waited to cross the red-line before shooting) to round things off, and bury the Bears 6-4. I know the B's have struggled a bit here and there, but this was 5 goals against the current best goalie in the League and that's no bush-league team he's playing behind either. Since the beginning of Feb. the Pens are 13-4-3, that's a good run at any time during the season, and fantastic at this time of the year. And no, I don't care if the Recking Ball scored on us today, I don't want him back....how many time did we fire that guy? 2? 3?

Backup the Back-up: Like most people I thought they were throwing Garon to the lions waiting for the Boston game to put him in the net. Mat's numbers against the B's were pretty good, but there's a difference playing the best team in the Conference this time of year. Allowing the first goal on the first shot didn't help my confidence either. (and probably didn't do wonders for his). It didn't much matter that the first two goals he allowed were not bad goals. They'd have gotten past almost any goalie. (except maybe.... TTFP?) I was already shifting the standings in my mind anticipating a Penguin loss. (hoping I was wrong... good thing I was) But Garon was too much a veteran to let things faze him. He stayed out there and did his job. Which, quite frankly, isn't to be a spectacular goalie. He's just supposed to be good enough to win games. And he did. I started believing just about here:

Second Period, 2-2 and Boston pressing after a power play. Could have gotten ugly real fast. The FPL and the forwards rallied around Garon and he hung on long enough for the Pens to come back again at the beginning of the third. Allowing 2 more goals, but making some very good saves on the way to the victory. You want your back up to be good enough to win, and today Mathieu Garon, was just that. Good enough to win.

Old Tyme Penguins Stuff: Eddie Johnston has been around hockey almost since it was invented. Ok well, 1962 anyway. He played goal for the Bruins during the era of the 'Suicide Goalie' ie: without a mask. He evidently started wearing one after team-mate Bobby Orr whacked him, with a puck, into a 7 week sleep then wouldn't kiss him to wake him up. And he's been a part of the Pens organization since 1980 before he picked Les Magnifique' in '84 after moving from Coach to GM. They had a pretty nice ceremony before the game where Mario handed EJ a crystal penguin to commemorate 25 years with the real Penguins. And here's the vid.

Other stuff: For those of you that haven't heard.... and Lord knows it's on every three seconds in Hockeyland. Uncle Daddy himself, has tied St. Patrick Roy's record of wins by a goaltender. In true Movie of the Week fashion he did it in his home town which also happened to be the same city where Roy piled up most of his wins. He also brought in the win in front of his 'idol' and gave St. Pat some really valuable PR time to say some insincere Uncle Daddy compliments, and generally make nice with the media to get them to forget the whole 'I told my son to go beat the crap out of the other goalie' thing. (Lawsuit and criminal charges still pending).

Two Games... Two Points:

2009-03-14T21:36:00.003-04:00

Marc Andre Fleury can make saves from his butt

Once again Marc Andre Fleury was making tremendous saves (36-39) in a semi-losing effort. I could only watch part of the game (mechanical trouble, had to jump on my trusty steed and ride to the rescue) So, I got to see Flower take the 'penalty' for whacking that guy with his glove. (hey ref! he's just defending the Flower Patch, man!) And Le-tank rush to the rescue and get away with smacking some Sen around afterwards.

So I actually only saw the third period, but it seemed that the guys had already put this game behind them and were thinking about tomorrow. Never a good Idea when facing a team who only has one thing to prove. That they can beat your team. (Oh yeah? well my old man can beat the crap out of your old man!) Well, the only good thing about it is that the Pens are the only team in the play-off clinch to get a point today. (oh yeah, I'm not looking at the standings anymore, am I?) Small consolation, but at least it's something. What is it about playing Pittsburgh that brings out the best in every two-bit goalie that ever strapped on a set of pads? For anyone else Elliot and the other back-ups are basically cannon fodder, but once they see that 'Fighting Penguin' logo they suddenly become St. Patrick Roy in the SCF. I just have to say, that despite some very good play the Pens gave that game away to the Sens-amillias.

Good Game Stuff: There was some, including this mind blowing save by The Tower of Flower Power on Fisher in OT.

I'd also REALLY like to know what Flower said to Ruuuuuutuu after he blocked his SO attempt. After Rutes missed the shot, MAF skated after him to give him some fertilizer, I assume. But Ruuuutuu didn't say a word back and just skated off the ice. I guess he uses Vigo-grow or something.

I was amazed to see Eric Godard do his Evgeni Malkin imitation during a game. I mean, he shoots down the ice, brushes off the defender and powers it into the goal. Elliot still doesn't know why they had a face-off at Center Ice after that one.

So I guess we're left with a dilemma. Either this is the low part of the 'streak' or a prelude to Sunday's game against the 'Broons' (why do Canadians pronounce it that way?) Does the Penguin wake the sleeping bear, or run him off? These questions and many more will be answered (or raised) Sunday afternoon.

And Furthermore...:

2009-03-13T16:40:00.003-04:00

Ok.... now I'm ready to go. I've taken almost enough sedatives to calm down about the Referee suckage, (well... mostly) and I think I'm ready to do this.... I don't think I much need to recap the game... There's a reason Mason leads the League in shut-outs (9) and we pretty much saw it. Of course, then again, there's a reason that Geno leads the League in points (97) and assists,(67) and I think we saw some of that within the span of 3:25. I don't want to jinx anything so I'm not going to talk about three digit scoring... or any trophy things, or team scoring streaks just yet. Maybe later. (I'm not superstitious or anything... really!)

On to some pretty good stuff...

Pretty Good Stuff: Almost everyone in Pensland, and Columbutts, including Stogie, was ready to credit RJ Humburger with a goal. Everyone that is, except for The Tower of Flower Power, Marc Andre Fleury. Flower flat-out robbed RJ for betraying his 'Burgh roots and playing for the competitors. I've watched this 4 times and STILL can't believe it.

Check out Humble-burger's shocked face as he glides up the boards. He had a better view than anyone, and HE thought it was a goal. Sorry HB, you suck and Flower rules.

And in the Continuing YouTube saga of MAF and the Flower Children, here's another view, taken at the scene of the crime. It's a homemade shot someone posted on the Tube, it's short and amounts to another tease, but a couple more days and I'll post the whole thing.

Game Stuff:Gonchar is so far still credited with a goal I could swear Kunitz scored,(you can hear it hit Nitz's stick) but a goal is a goal, I'm not bitching. Super Duper scored his first goal in forever, or something, and I'm sure Maximus wasn't expecting the big man-clinch on the ice when he scored his goal..... c'mon guys... get a room, or something... lol.

Back to back games this weekend, and 8 games in a row at home mean I'm going to be posting like a madman! Of course there are some that call me that already, but what do they know? (but I AM Napoleon! put that white jacket away!) So, until next time... Vive La Fleur!!

Work in Progress, Please Stand By:

2009-03-12T22:08:00.004-04:00

I'm working on a suitable post (trying to cut out all the swear words... it ain't easy) for the game in Colum-butts. (check the pic top-right and you'll get a notion). Posting vids is going to take until Fri. anyway, because the FSN Googans were using the 'Jackets feed. The Tower of Flower Power, Marc Andre Fleury made a TREMENDOUS save against RJ Umberger and I really want to post it. So, Until tomorrow, Satan has been sent to WBS, and he's actually going to show up unlike what's-his-name at the beginning of the season. Miro says he wants to be ready for the opportunity to play for the Pens when and if they need him. Classy guy for being the Lord of the Infernal Realm. Quick congrats to Maximus for scoring the tying goal!

More to come, but the Pens are still on a scoring streak and that's a very good thing.

Punters and Lucky 7's:

2009-03-10T22:43:00.008-04:00

Your FSN announcers Error on the left and Stogie on the right

Marc Andre Fleury faced one less shot than the stats say he did. I don't care who holds the gun on me, the third Panter's goal was kicked in! I saw it, you saw it, somehow the footage was sabotaged between Pittsburgh and Toronto, 'cause the guys in the War Room couldn't have seen the replay that I saw. Ballard looked like he had a Soccer flashback and put it behind MAF. Officially the Flower stopped 18-21, helping the Pens rally to beat the (insert feline innuendo here) 4-3 in a Shoot Out. When the Flower, who had a solid, but not spectacular night, stoned all the Kitties and sent them home. That ties The Tower of Flower Power with Kenny Wregget for 2nd on the all time wins list, and ties his career high wins in a row. What can we say? FLOWER POWER!!

Update-itis: It's just a tease that someone posted of the commercial for Inside Penguins Hockey, but I found it, it's the Flower and I'm posting it, damnit! lol. So without further ado: Marc Andre Fleury, Rock Star!

The Incredible Malk started the scoring with an impossible backhand and then absolutely undressed Vokoun for the second SO goal and the win. After all that good goaltending, Geno made the guy look like a moron. Le-tank scored the other SO goal and nearly killed Vokoun's water bottle in the process. Cookie plastered Booth into the boards for the Sammich of the Game. Crosby went 1g 1a but was blocked in the SO.

Update-inski: For those of you that didn't see it, (or just don't believe me, and who could blame you?) here's the entire shoot out for your viewing pleasure:

I was ready to start pitching things at the TV after the second period, (bad idea...I'm waaaaaaaay too lazy to walk up stairs to watch hockey then back down to the fridge for Sodas. I'd die of thirst!) but the guys never stopped fighting. If nothing else you gotta love that. Down 3-1 at the beginning of the third and they never slowed down, never gave up, kept attacking and it finally paid off. And I'll tell you another thing for nothing. Without Thomas Vokoun in net the Panters don't even get a sniff. The score would be 20-something to 1. The Pens shot the puck 50 TIMES! That's the most ever (this season). Vokoun absolutely robbed Jordan Staal on that one rebound. Someone get me the number for 911, cause I'm calling that one in. As usual, more to come as the random thoughts bounce around my skull. For now I'll leave you with this:

Second Stars and Flower Children:

2009-03-09T16:14:00.011-04:00

Marc Andre Fleury grabbed the 2nd star of the week with a 3-0-0 record 92 out of 97 saves, 1.63 goals against, and a .948 save percentage. What all those numbers mean is that The Flower kicked some serious enemy ass this week to keep the Pens in the Play-Off race. Some Carolina dude named Staal (did you know he has brothers?) took the first star, and some other guy in Columbus named Nash rounded out the top three. I know

Flower's the important one, but they insisted on adding those other two guys for some reason.

Flower Power 1/2 Hour: For those of you that missed Saturday's showing, or Sunday's re-run of Inside Penguin's hockey, I'll post it, probably next Monday when it's put on PP.com. Flower was having a good time answering the kid's questions, and frankly I thought they were better than the usual run of questions they get from the adults. But the crowning event of the night was The Tower of Flower Power in blond fright-wig and cheap shades at the drums with 4 kids, calling themselves the 'Flower Children' (I didn't think he had any... ) playing Guitar Hero. Flower isn't going to challenge any of the Titans of the game, but it looked like he was having a blast. The kids looked like they were having fun too, except that one kid playing the bass, he was very serious about the game. I think it took away from his style points, but what do I know? (Oh yeah... STAGE-ratt, I do know something about it)

Time at the Tone Will Be...: Bill Guerin has played 1,170 games as of Sunday, but he thinks he might have a few more left in him. I think so too. After the last two games I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, anyway.

Don't Look Ethel!: Remember when I said I wasn't going to look at the standings anymore? Well.... I lied.(you didn't believe I really wouldn't, did you?) The NY Raggers and the Hurried-canes play tonight and I'm just baffled who to root for, ya know? If the Rags win, that puts them 2 points ahead of the Pens, but if Carolina wins they're ONE POINT AHEAD ! You see my dilemma. Of course that will take away the game-in-hand that the Rags have and keep the Pens in 8th place because we have more wins. And if Carolina loses in overtime, they'll be tied with Florida and the Pens, but the Cats will have 2 games-in-hand, and the Pens will have 1 game-in-hand so the standings won't change. Are you confused yet? I know I am.... sheesh.

Don't Unpack Quite Yet: In the ever-widening black hole that appears and disappears behind NHL benches and sucks down coaches, yet another 'winning' coach has been canned by his team. Guy Carbenneau of the 5th place (at least for the next couple of hours) Montreal Canadiens has been sacked by the guy that is replacing him behind the bench. GM Bob Gainey, who played his entire career for the Habs fired Carbonneau today and will host his first practice tomorrow morning. Guy, I tried to tell ya not to unpack, didn't I? Those HC contracts should read: "3 years, or until we need someone to blame a couple of crappy games on." They're dropping like flies, folks.

Tale of the Tape and TFP:

2009-03-08T18:39:00.004-04:00

Cookie's advice on his former team-mate's shoot out proclivities must have paid off at least a little bit. The Tower of Flower Power stoned all three of the Crapitals efforts in the SO. That meant that we didn't even have to find out who Coach Dan had in mind for the third Pen (in my humble, yet all knowing opinion: Geno). Marc Andre Fleury actually set up Sid's goal by re-directing the puck to Brooksie who then racked it down the boards. Flower made some excellent saves, but a bad pass by Le-tank led to the first goal by Semin (I still think that's a male body fluid) and a bad change later led to a break-away goal by Laich (how is that 'like'?) that tied the game. O'retchkin's goal was just a rocket shot that I still say bounced off Sarge's back to get behind MAF. But the Flower stopped 29-32 to get the SO win even though the Pen's shot total (22) was a bit down from the last few games.

We Win, You Lose, Pthththth: El Capitan, Sidney Crosby scored the first goal of the game, and had the only goal in the shoot out as the Penguins beat O'retchkin and the Capitals for the only time this year. Billy Guerin (my new favorite former Islander, sorry Satan) had a beautiful toe-drag goal and 2 assists and Sarge gave his new daughter a PP goal as a birthday present. Despite some shaky (shady?) officiating in the first period and a couple of mental errors the Pens played their own game for the most part and especially for the first two periods dictated the game to the Craps. BIG momentum shift in the third with Washington scoring 2 in the first 1:18, but the guys held on, weathered the storm, plugged the dyke,(uhh... nevermind) whatever you want to call it, and Flower blocked the other 10 shots to keep them going.

Tale of the Tape: Firstly, I believe this year that watching the standings day-to-day is going to drive me crazy. The Pens started out the day in 9th in the Conference and at the end of regulation tied the 'Canes for 8th but with the win jumped to 7th (or a 3-way tie for 5th depending on how you look at it), but if the Habs win they'll jump to 5th and drop the Pens to 8th. Right now, someone sneezing at the wrong time could decide who's in or out. The Incredible Malk is still tops in scoring (94) and in assists (65) and is always in the conversation when talking about League MVP. Croz is 2 points out of 2nd in scoring (92) and second in assists (57). These stats don't seem to move around as quickly as the Play-off race, so I'm going to start checking them instead.

Just Some Stuff:

2009-03-06T18:49:00.003-05:00

Picture Stuff: This is one of two new Wallpapers from PP.com of Marc Andre Fleury. He and Geno have 2 each and Crosby, Syko and Staal each have one. I'm not sure what the swirly things in the other Flower Paper are, so don't ask.

Baby Suff: Sergei Gonchar has a new woman in his life. Well, she'll eventually be a woman. His new 7 pound 3 ounce, 21 inch long Victoria Gonchar added to the females in the Gonchar house that outrank Sarge. He once joked that now that Geno is no longer living there, his wife, daughter and two female cats kind of had him outnumbered. Now he is even more so.

Flower Stuff: FSN is showing (I think) a special 'kids' version of Inside Penguin's Hockey with the Tower of Flower Power dressed in outrageous shades and a blond wig playing the drums on Guitar Hero. For those of you that either didn't watch on FSN or were at the game (Penschick) and didn't see the promo. It airs at 5:00 pm on FSN and will be posted on TFS just as soon as they add it to the list.... probably next Saturday or so.

Baby Sarge and New Recruits:

2009-03-05T16:56:00.008-05:00

Sergei Gonchar is expecting a new recruit. I've heard reports that his wife went into labor sometime today, but nothing so far about a little sarge. So Go-Go Gadget Goal was called up from WBS to fill the skates of the new Oteu (I think that's father in Russian) In other groin related news, Sidney Crosby is likely to play in Florida tonight (ok that was pretty bad... ) after missing the last 4 games. Games that the Pens have managed to win, by the way. No one is even guessing at the lines tonight, because of Gonch baby waiting, then there's Gueirin, Kunitz and Adams as the new additions no one can even guess what Coach Dan is going to do. There's speculation that Guerin will play with Croz, but then again, didn't they get Kunitz to be his winger? No one knows, I tell you. The Panters kept Bouwmeester, dealing with him, rather than just dealing him away. So it's quite likely that we'll see Jay and curse the Pant's GM for keeping him there.

The Eastern Conference race is tighter than a Weight Watcher's girdle during the holidays. 4 points separate 10th from 5th. Any slip of the stick can drop a team 2 places at least. A slump would be an EXTREMELY bad idea for any of those 5 teams. (hint, hint) We'll all see how the new guys work out tonight.... could be interesting.

Oh, and since Penschick didn't send me any tickets (raging jealousy, I know...) I'll be watching Error and Stogie on the FSN freak show. Seriously Chick, congrats and have a great time!

Quick Update: The Tower of Flower Power was awesome in net stopping 31 out of 32 shots tonight. Making some incredible saves. TK was the original Energizer Bunny. Everywhere the puck went, TK went after it, and scored two goals. On the final face-off, Malkin went to the bench when he realized TK had gone for a change, and must have told Tyler to get back in just in case he could get the HT. And Captain Sid scored the even-up goal to get the guys back on track. Guerin was fairly impressive for never skating with the guys before getting an assist on El Sid's goal and a +2 for the night. But Kris Le-tank impressed the hell out of me. Several shifts after getting blindsided in the defensive zone, he and Orpik team up for an All Defense goal on a sweet shot by the Tank. And Mark Eaton gets the TFS award for Best Impression of a Goalie by a Defenseman. Blocking several shots, and a pass across the crease that would have most certainly been a goal on the Panter's PP. Wow, two periods of frustration followed by the Blow out we had all been hoping for at the beginning of the game..... As Hawkeye would say, "Finestkind".

You're Sure it's not Groundhog Day?

2009-03-03T17:00:00.011-05:00

Did you ever have a Tuesday, and you weren't sure it wasn't still Monday? You went to the same job, or classes, did the same things, talked to the same people, maybe even had the same meals. All day you stumble through with the nagging feeling something's just out of kilter. Not wrong, exactly, just out of step.

Well it doesn't help if you're having one of those Mon-Tuesdays and you go to PP.com and they haven't changed anything from yesterday (I'm still not sure if that's Monday or Sunday yet). All the same articles, no preview of the upcoming (I think) game, all the Trib-links are identical to the day before, nothing about the Tampa game tonight (it is tonight, isn't it?). You might think to yourself (I did) that they're just running a little late, I'll slide on over to NHL.com and straighten this whole brain-fugue thing out. No dice. NHL.com is still running the same articles and features they had on at 1 am. (the last time I checked).. the only thing that saves your sanity (if you had any to begin with) is the fact that the schedule is showing that yes, the Penguins play the Lightning at 7:30 on VS. (oh God! Doc and Edzone again) the Capitols play the Hurricanes (tough to figure out who to root for there) and the Thrashers play the Panthers as well. But you're a bit disjointed, and becoming more than a bit paranoid about the whole Mon-Tuesday thing. Then Yahoo has the same 4 featured stories on its page as yesterday (You sure it was yesterday?) so you begin to think, 'Did I advance the schedule when I hit that page?....' Is someone Paging Rod Serling right now? .... Picture if you will a Pensaddict, who can't tell if it's Monday or Tuesday. He's locked in the ever present now of Hockey Hell. Where it's always 18 games until the play-offs. The Signpost up ahead, he's entered the Twilight Penalty Box Zone. And then that creepy, crashing music. I'll have more to say when I've figured this whole Mon-Tues thing out..... Rod! Man! What did I ever do to you? .... Sheesh.

Back to the Real World:

All right, I've decided that my computer was possessed by the Spirit of Monday... it just didn't want to let go I guess. Suddenly everything was updated, I found out that Satan, Lord of the Infernal Realm was placed on Waivers today (here's a link to explain waivers. It's simple, straightforward, and there's no way in hell anyone not a lawyer can understand it.) Satan will still play tonight against the Bolts (which I didn't even know was possible). There's two ways to look at this, either Shero has a trade in mind and wants to trade the guy that has 3 goals in the last 5 games, or he wants to dangle the possibility of clearing cap room to see what he's offered. But here's the thing. The Pens have 24 hours to remove him from waivers, no harm-no foul, or let him clear waivers and send him to the Baby Pens. Roll your dice and move your mice.

Speaking of mice:

IFHSA has been claimed off re-entry waivers by, you guessed it, the NY Raggers. I personally wish this idiot would fade into the scenery, but he's like that annoying boy/girlfriend that keeps getting passed around your friends. Every time you think they're gone, someone else brings them to a party. Oh well, if changing a winning coach didn't kill their chances for the play-offs, this just might do the trick.

Crosby's Crotch Watch: El Capitan will miss his 4th game in a row. Still smarting from O'retchkin trying to preform some unnatural act with the Croz last Sunday.

UPDATE....uh... ER:

It's an interesting stat that the Pens are 5-0 with El Sid out of the line-up. It's also an interesting stat the the Pens are almost undefeated with Coach Dan behind the bench.(we're not counting any game played less than 24 hours after getting the job) Their record of 6-1-1 since Bylsma took the reins is nothing less than phenomenal. What is also nothing less than phenomenal is the play of Marc Andre Fleury tonight in net. Between a mostly sluggish team (who spiked Geno's borscht anyway?) and referies that didn't seem to understand the meaning of the term 'Goaltender interference' MAF stopped 32-33. Flower had more lightning thrown at him than the top of the Chrysler building in a hurricane. Wow. But then again, he had no problem taking Bugsy to the boards to prevent him from gaining the puck behind the net. Since Error and Stogie can't do it, we'll give Flower the Subway Sammich of the Game. Good job Marc Andre!

My new all time favorite former Disney player is Chris Kunitz. Nitz scored 2 goals tonight including the game winner, and was a general all around force on the ice playing with Gronk and TK. And getting a well-deserved 1st star of the game.

C is for Cookie, that's good enough for me. Cookie Monster scored the capper goal to round things out and managed to piss off more Bolts than rust. Drawing (I'm not saying 'former Penguin' with these guys, it's mostly redundant) Hall into a penalty by taunting him with the fact that Cooke is now a Penguin and Hall isn't.

Rob Scuderi once again gets the TFS award for best imitation of a goaltender for using his body to prevent a centering pass in the third period then kicking the loose puck out of the crease so it could be cleared.

Evgeni Malkin get's the WTF award for his imitation of a recently Rufied prom date. Geno for the most part seemed to be suffering from some sort of Mon-Tues disease, he just couldn't get anything going and played in low gear for most of the game.

And a special TFS Award to VS, for not subjecting us to yet another fellatio filled broadcast with Dot and Edzone. Although we weren't entirely free as they had Edzone commenting during one of the intermissions.