Penguins are Cool:

Penguins ARE cool. And one of the coolest is the Tower of Flower Power Marc Andre Fleury, who made some tremendous saves in the 4-2 win, was the Game's First Star of the Night. Flower Power saved 37 of 39 and showed some of his tremendous skills. The reaction save against Hose-a in the second was a thing of Flowery beauty (I know, sometimes I just can't help myself).
MAF was on his game tonight but the guy who turned the game around is Gronk himself. E-Staal is finally playing 'like a big guy' in this year's play-offs and finals and it's starting to pay off for him big time. The TK/Kunitz/Sid/TK goal was a thing of beauty. It was almost like they were telling the Red-rags what to do. 'Ok, everyone focus on Kunitz and Crosby and just ignore the Tyler behind the curtain. Various reporters asked 'what was said between periods 2 and 3 and I think the honest answer would have been. "Le-tank, take it easy on El Sid. We're probably going to need him for the next few games." Tank absolutely and accidentally knocked El Capitan directly on his ass after Geno's second effort pass left Sid with nothing to do but put it in the goal.


That's 2.

Unrelated Relative Facts:

Thought it was only fair to warn ya.

Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals will take place South of the Mason-Dixon line in the home of the Hurricanes. Unrelated fact: Danny (Bylsma, not Bi-elsma, Reaugh) is one of the 21 names chosen this year for hurricanes that may or may not hit Carolina. The Pens go into the game tonight up 2-0 in the Series and hope to keep the pressure on the 'Cranes and win one or two 'down there'. I could try to predict the game, scour the internet for the 'experts' opinion to back up my guessing. But you've only got to look back at the last two games to realize that I'm blowing smoke up your butt. No one knows or can predict what's going to happen. Just look at Thursday's game. Start with the score: 7-4. How unreal is that with these goalies? Cookie has a three point night, but no one notices because of all the other amazing shit that happened. How many people thought that we'd be talking about The Lord of the Infernal Realm dealing a beat-down on Eaves? Or the fact that Kris Le-tank's hair would burst loose not once, but twice? (I told you not to mess with the hat) Who pre-wrote the headline 'Kunitz Gets First Goal in 19 Games'? And let's not even talk about Geno's HT, or Pappa Geno getting busted by Mamma for kissing that blond that always sits in front of the Malkin Parental Units. (I'd like to take this opprotunity, once again, to thank them for having sex and the product thereof) Or what about Game 1? Let's all travel back to 7:00 Monday and put some money down on Boucher getting the GWG. Or the least likely thing of all. That VS would actually find an articulate commentator, and then hire him for the Penguins games. I'm no bumpkin, but I was shocked to hear words like 'corpulent' and 'sapient' from an announcer during a hockey game. Unrelated fact: Daryl Reaugh (pronounced 'ray') has a Stanley Cup ring with Edmonton in '88 but his name doesn't appear on the cup. So ask me for winning Lotto numbers, where lighning is going to strike, how many jelly beans would fit in the Igloo or something easy like that. But don't ask me to predict the outcome of Game 3.

Unrelated to just about anything:
Is it just me, or does Harold Priestly Gill III look like a parent that snuck into his kids Midget League game?

Something comes to mind when people criticize the Tower of Flower Power's efforts in the last two series. When you're in the Play-Offs losing is like being caught and mauled by a bear. (just wait, it'll sort of make sense in a minute) Now, when you're running from a bear, you don't have to be faster than the bear.... just faster than the guy you're running with. So far Ward's been the one with his laces untied. (see? that kinda makes sense... in a weird way)

Nobody Move, This is a Stickup:

I'm taking this series, don't try to stop me, or someone is going to get hurt..

Marc Andre Fleury and the rest of the Gang will try to send the Phlyers back across the state to start their summer golfing adventures. Game 5 of the SCPO starts at 7 tonight (you already knew that, didn't you?). It's tough to guess what kind of game to expect from Phylthy tonight. Last season we were all set for a really scrappy (dirty) game 5 and it just didn't happen. It was a clean, no-nonsense game, and the Pens walked off the ice with a big shiny thing that everyone refused to touch. (no, not Staals jock, the trophy thing) We'll have to wait (I hate waiting) and count on the guys to weather whatever the Phylthies come up with. And we're pretty sure they can.

The Pens will have the power of the Lord of the Infernal Realm on wing tonight. Miro Satan will be taking Syko's place somewhere in the line-up. Coach Dan made the decision (or announced it, anyway) this morning. Syko was a bit stunned, but it may be a case of CD trying to light a scoring fire under Petr's butt, combined with giving Satan some playoff ice time. Kris Le-tank got some kind of 'undisclosed' (here we go again) boo-boo in game 4 and will be a game-time decision as to whether or not he'll play. If Kris and his unruly mop sit out tonight, Boucher will step in.

The Pens are calling for a 'white out' for tonight's game and Charlie's Tuna will be giving white shirts out to anyone that walks into the Igloo tonight. I never did see what a big deal this was last year, but I've got to admit, it made a very cool look 20 seconds into this:

I still love this vid......

More to come as the mood strikes me.....

Connection:

Other than a Staal and a few Eastern European players (Geno, Sarge, and Feds) the home-town boys held the day. Luckily for us those 'homies' were Mad Maximus, Super Duper, Le-tank and the Tower of Flower Power, Marc Andre Fleury. The Pen's 'French Connection' all grew up somewhere around Montreal, but we don't hold that against them. Btw, Carey Price has been sentenced 5-10 years for the goals he robbed the Pens of during the game. MAF was really sharp for the most part during the game stopping 29 of 30 and made some jaw-dropping saves on the ever sneaky Alexei Kovalev. But he did his best work in the third period when the guys seemed a bit sluggish and had some trouble getting the puck out of their own end. Flower stopped about 15 shots in 2.3 seconds and kept the tie going so his buddies could score two amazing shorties a few minutes later. Here's the TFP showing everyone just how good a pointy-lipped Frenchman can play the game:
The only goal for the Great White North's actually bounced of the Sequoia and went in, so we won't count that one against him. Flower's got a good run going into the Play-offs and that only says good things about the Pens chances to advance into the later rounds. (We won't talk about that last round yet... superstitious? Moi? Not a chance!) Also I'd like to already nominate Jordan Staal for Tough Guy of the Play-Offs for taking a puck in the face and returning later in the period with his new stitching. I just hope his face doesn't end up as screwed up as Bugsy did last year. Wow! Did that guy end up 'Uglied Up' or what?

Really Good Stuff: How amazing is two short-handed goals for the Pens during the same PK? How often does that happen? The only thing better than that was the fact that our eyes weren't assaulted by the third jerseys the Habs obviously stole from some gay penitentiary somewhere. I mean, c'mon! The team's been around for 100 years and that's the best 'Old Tyme' jersey they could come up with? They look like some sort of strange 4th of July hockey candy.

Mrs. Malkin is going to have one more thing to dust when she visits her son's new house. The Art Ross Trophy Geno won tonight. Malkin scored a goal and that was too much ground for O'retchkin to make up. The Ugly One had a goal and an assist to climb to 110 but couldn't touch the 113 mark set by Geno. Evgeni joined Le Magnifique (6) Jammer Jags (5) and El Sid (1) to boost the Pens Scoring Title number to 13. That's just a sick number of ART'S in the last 20 years. As a side note, for 21 years (80-'01) if your name wasn't Lemieux, Jagr or Gretzky you just didn't get your name on the thing. That hardware's got to give him an inside track for the MVP for the Leage to go along with his Team MVP. Not to take anything away from O'retch, who scored an amazing 56 goals this season, but can you pass over a guy who leads the League in Points, Assists, and Take-aways? I think not. In my humble, yet all knowing opinion Mamma Geno should have another piece of bric-a-brac to dust off next year and that would be the hardware named after Dr. David Hart.

Play Off Preview, Sort of: Ok, show of hands... how many of you thought 2 months ago that we would be sitting here talking about who we were going to face in the Play-Offs? I gotta admit, my hand would not be among the elevated. HCMT had just been fired after a nightmare inducing loss to the Laffs, causing jaws to drop all over Pensland, and they bring in this guy with a name that sounds like a gastric disease, Bylsma. Now just about 2 full moons later and the talk isn't who do we want to face in the SCPO's it's how most teams don't want to face the Pens. Coach Dan comes in, does a little tweaking, and then the Easter Bunny brings them 2, 100+ point players, an Art Ross trophy, an 18-3-4 record, and at least a 5th place in the Play-Offs. (if the Phlyers lose in regulation the Pens will be in 4th and get home-ice for the first round) So Coach Dan gets the First Annual Kick-Ass Coach of the Year Award. I know he'll treasure it forever. I'm already casting my vote for Coach Dan to return next season to see what he can do with 82 games in his pocket. Also, I'd like to have every kid in Pensburgh go to Coach Dan's hockey camp. It's obvious this guy knows something about the game.

We of the Pensaddict persuasion would also like to take this opprotunity to thank Uncle Daddy and the Debbils for beating the Hurricanes and taking them completely out of contention for the 4/5th spot in the Eastern Conference. Even if the only reason you guys showed up to that game at all was because you didn't want to face the Pens in the Play Offs.

Penguin Invasion:

Ok, this was supposed to post late last night and, computer whiz that I am, I hit 'save' instead of 'post' and then never checked that it posted (the one time you don't check... sheesh) so here it is in all its late glory.

The Penguin invasion of the Stanley Cup Play-Offs will begin this weekend with the final placement of the 8 teams in the Eastern Division. The Pens are tied with Philthy and Carol-in-a for 4-6. The Canes have more wins, the Phlyers have fewer games, and the Pens have... the current scoring leader of the NHL, and some other hockey guys you might have heard of (Flower, Croz, Tank..., maybe you've heard of some of those guys).

Marc-Andre Fleury wasn't in the net tonight, but he left his well trained goalposts to make 5 saves for his replacement, Matheiu Garon. Garon and the Pens looked a bit shaky during the first period but came on late in the first to tie on their way to defeating the Aisles 6-1 to clinch at least a 6th place berth in the play-offs. Philippe Boucher announced his return to the line-up with the tieing goal in the first and that opened the floodgates as the Pens never looked back. Pittsburgh was awesome in the PK, even though there were too many damn penalties. 2 long 3-5 kills (one without the help of the Ever Dangerous Rob Scuderi, the super-secret extra goalie) that were defended to perfection and gave Garon a chance to prove that The Flower isn't the only Gumby-goalie on the team. Other than the 7-2 penalty differential the guys played a pretty good game against a team of men trying to prove to their management that they deserve to be employed next season. Geno picked up 2 points on assists on Boucher's and Crosby's goals and finally acted like he was excited to be in the lead for the Hart trophy. "Yeah, I feel good." Malkin said, "One game left, it's OK, I think it's too much points (for Ovechkin to catch him)." and then he went on to promise that if O'retchkin scores 4 points he'll score two more Saturday. Kris Le-tank will receive a special TFS award point for crashing the net and nearly redirecting Dupuis' goal in.

Fan Appreciation, Appreciation: My favorite part of the season (other than the play-offs when the Pens are in) is the Fan apreciation night. I was blown away when I first moved here and started watching the Pens as a 'home-town' team when after the last game of the season the team gave their jerseys away and started throwing T-shirts up into the stands and generally making goofy fools out of themselves thanking the fans for all their support throughout the season. Watching Maximus sitting in the Penguins Polaris given away to some undiserving fan (ie: not me). Or The Tower of Flower Power pitching shirts at one of his team-mates on the ice (probably Max), Malkin making sure a kid got the game stick he handed over the glass, although it was somewhat disturbing to see the grin on Cookie's face when he was imprudently armed with a Tshirt cannon. Just about all of them were signing something thrown over the glass and whipping it back (hopefully to the person that threw it), and then each one of them giving a fan their jersey (Raine is ready to track down the blond 'bitch' that won MAF's jersey so she should be warned) and revealing the 'Fighting 5th' shirt worn under their gear (the Pens collected over 100 grand for the Fallen Heroes Fund at the game). Makes you feel like the guys think they're lucky to have a bunch of semi-crazy Pensaddicts screaming from the stands and we all know we're lucky to have them to root for, shout at or drool over as the case may be.... Thanks Guys.

Satan Sighting: Miroslav Satan has cleared re-entry waivers (uh....... nope, to complicated to explain) and will be back on the Pens roster in time for the Montreal game and throughout the play-offs (however far they go). We are pleased to see the Lord of the Infernal Realm back on the 'Big Squad' and hope that no one had to sign his soul away to get this to happen.



Winter Classic News: Reports are that next year's Winter Classic will take place in Fenway Park, possibly the Broons against either the Crapitals or the Phlyers. What does this mean to the fans? Well we should all look for a trade involving Ty Conklin to one of those three teams so he can keep his streak of playing in every NHL outdoor game alive.

Streaks and Confused Monkeys:

The Streak has ended

The 12 game point streak has ended for Marc Andre Fleury and the Pens. And the Ratt has entered a period of meditation to once again center himself with the Hockey Universe. Actually the guys didn't play badly, and the Phlyers didn't play better than the Pens, they just got an unbelievable game out of Marty Biron, (and how often does that actually happen against the Pens?) Most of the time Biron is a Central European Dairy Product (Swiss Cheese) to the Pens snipers, but not Sunday. Kris Le-tank scored the only goal for the Flightless ones, but the rubber was flying (28 shots) and the energy was up we just needed to crack Biron with a pipe or something. But we can't bitch (doesn't mean we won't) out of the 34 possible points available to the Pens since Coach Dan took the reins the guys have managed to lasso 27 of them, go from a distant 10th to a semi-solid 5th with a decent chance for 4th place before the last 8 games have been played. (Philly has 11 games left) We were bound to lose one or two, I just hate that it was Philthy we lost to, but it just gives me more to hate them for. (hey, that kinda rhymed!)

Better Hockey Stuff: Call him Evgeni, Geno, The Incredible Malk, or the Beast From the East(-ern Conference) Malkin is 10 points ahead and has 5 assists more than El Capitan and has been picked the League's Second Star for his 3 goal 5 assist, 8 point run last week. That Cam Ward dude was First Star, and Shane Doan (All Star Shoot-Out winner) caught the Third Star honors. Guess those Blogger-verse guys were wrong about the suspension too, huh?

Kinda Not so Good News: The Buffaslugs have kind of been struggling without the services of Amp Energy Drink commercial star Ryan (yo mama) Miller. Well, Miller started skating with the team today, he doesn't give any timetable for his return, but you've got to know he'll be pushing it with the 'Slug's play-off chances floating out into Erie with the rest of the Buffalo sewage. They're a much better team with him in, and there are enough teams knotted up in this play-off race, I don't need another one to keep track of.

What the....?: Speaking of teams we forgot to watch, the Ottawa Senators have somehow managed to claw their way out of the basement and now hold 11th place in the East. Just 2 points behind the aforementioned Buffaslugs. They've won 5 games in a row, including one against the NY Rags (thank you very much). Of all the weird things that have happened in the standings this year, this might be the weirdest.

Snipers and Savers:

The man's so good he doesn't need a glove. In some kind of Schoolyard 'Even-Steven' guesture, Marc Andre Fleury played for several minutes in the first period without a glove. He still didn't allow the Kinks to score. The Tower of Flower Power stopped 24 of 25 in the game and later used that glove to wipe the face of Stoll in the Second Period when Stoll got too close to the Flower Patch, which started a scrum that caused Le-Tank to lose his hat. What isn't much noticed is The Croz tackling some hapless Kink to the left of the net and putting him on his ass. New FPL member (4th liners can apply) Craig Adams, who we don't hear too much about, gave up his stick to Scuds and then laid his body on the line 2 or 3 shots in a row on the 5 on 3 earning him provisional FPL status, even though the Kinks eventually scored. Speaking of FPL members we haven't hear from in a while Philippe Boucher has been taken off the IR list and was actually a scratch from last night's game. Booch has been out since Jan 30, with a foot injury.

Taking Care of 'Bidness':

PensChick asked that I throw something at Error the next time he jinxes the Flower, and I put one of my top 'people' on it. (As you can see by the picture on the left). Although we won't know his effectiveness until Wednesday when the Pens play the Flame-outs, since the Phlyers game is NBC (the Hockey Gods are so cruel sometimes). Just a reminder: the Sunday game is at 12:30 not the 3:00 start as per the schedule.

News to Make You Reach for a Weapon: Evgenin Malkin evidently had a phone hearing with the Czar of Hockey Discipline sometime today. (Geno's Russian, he can deal with Czars) No details are available, although the League doesn't seem to be giving it the play the Blog-iverse is giving it. People seem to be screaming one way or the other about the hit, but they're all using the same annoying Vid with post-game comment by some LA Nazi who would seem to want Geno to go to some Concentration Camp with all the other good players who remind him why he's an announcer and not a player. I've seen the vid, I've put up with the WC (west coast) Nazi, and I've got to tell you: Yes, he leaned in when he struck Simmons (isn't that a mattress?), but it looks like Geno was bracing for a hit from Simmons when for some unknown reason, Simmons decided to strike Geno with his face. Malkin did not vary his line or raise his elbow to initiate a hit. If he's suspended I've got some footage on cheap shots given to El Sid that I'd like the League to review.

Ratt-thoughts:Malkin has been a Hockey Beast the last few games, even more than usual. Geno and El Capitan seem to be playing a different game than even the rest of the team. It's almost like they've time warped their game into play-off mode. If I were on the team facing the Pens in the SCPO (should they make it in) I would be in fear, because these guys aren't playing Play-off hockey yet. They'll be really-really-really scary to face once they start.

Punters and Lucky 7's:

Your FSN announcers Error on the left and Stogie on the right

Marc Andre Fleury faced one less shot than the stats say he did. I don't care who holds the gun on me, the third Panter's goal was kicked in! I saw it, you saw it, somehow the footage was sabotaged between Pittsburgh and Toronto, 'cause the guys in the War Room couldn't have seen the replay that I saw. Ballard looked like he had a Soccer flashback and put it behind MAF. Officially the Flower stopped 18-21, helping the Pens rally to beat the (insert feline innuendo here) 4-3 in a Shoot Out. When the Flower, who had a solid, but not spectacular night, stoned all the Kitties and sent them home. That ties The Tower of Flower Power with Kenny Wregget for 2nd on the all time wins list, and ties his career high wins in a row. What can we say? FLOWER POWER!!

Update-itis: It's just a tease that someone posted of the commercial for Inside Penguins Hockey, but I found it, it's the Flower and I'm posting it, damnit! lol. So without further ado: Marc Andre Fleury, Rock Star!

The Incredible Malk started the scoring with an impossible backhand and then absolutely undressed Vokoun for the second SO goal and the win. After all that good goaltending, Geno made the guy look like a moron. Le-tank scored the other SO goal and nearly killed Vokoun's water bottle in the process. Cookie plastered Booth into the boards for the Sammich of the Game. Crosby went 1g 1a but was blocked in the SO.

Update-inski: For those of you that didn't see it, (or just don't believe me, and who could blame you?) here's the entire shoot out for your viewing pleasure:

I was ready to start pitching things at the TV after the second period, (bad idea...I'm waaaaaaaay too lazy to walk up stairs to watch hockey then back down to the fridge for Sodas. I'd die of thirst!) but the guys never stopped fighting. If nothing else you gotta love that. Down 3-1 at the beginning of the third and they never slowed down, never gave up, kept attacking and it finally paid off. And I'll tell you another thing for nothing. Without Thomas Vokoun in net the Panters don't even get a sniff. The score would be 20-something to 1. The Pens shot the puck 50 TIMES! That's the most ever (this season). Vokoun absolutely robbed Jordan Staal on that one rebound. Someone get me the number for 911, cause I'm calling that one in. As usual, more to come as the random thoughts bounce around my skull. For now I'll leave you with this:

The Stars Are Bright in Texas:

Somehow I hit 'Save' instead of 'Publish' in my rush to get to a really good pot roast so this is a bit late.

Marc Andre Fleury racked up his 100th win this afternoon in a rare (second time this year) Sunday win for the Pens. To tell you how cool (or just out of it) this guy is, he didn't even know it was his hundredth until Potash told him after the game. Flower stopped 20 of 21 shots and kept the scoreboard clean until 14 minutes or so left in the third period when Erikson of the stars flipped in a power play goal during what seemed like a rash of Pittsburgh penalties. The Tower of Flower Power was making some quality saves, just needed to make fewer of them. Flower is Ok with facing so few shots (so am I) he thinks it just gives the team a better chance to win, and we all like that idea. So the Pens are now in 8th place in the Conference having, at least temporarily jumped over Carolina and the Buffaslugs.

Let's see, where to begin.... oh yeah. FSN has now been crossed off my Christmas card list.... I missed more than half of the first period and Le-tank's goal when their Atlanta 'Master Control' went off-line. (I suspect collusion by the Thrashed, Army's still pissed about being traded) But they got the game back by the second, so they just missed a visit by my Scary Witchdoctor Lady. Tank's goal was a thing of beauty set up by Scud's hit in the zone and Geno's pass, it ended up being the game winner. The Incredible Malk added another 3 points (1g, 2a) to continue to lead the League in points. And evidently Sydor still owes Geno 50 bucks and got traded to avoid paying it back. Geno squashed Syds against the glass in the second period, just after Error called him a 'bull' out on the ice. Staal has been playing like a madman at both ends of the ice, I think this is what they had in mind when they extended his contract. And Miro Satan flat stole the puck and mesmerized the Stars with his Infernal Stare and finessed the puck in behind Stephan.

The Pens had another brush with their 3rd period slump, but it was much shorter and they seemed to snap out of it when Eriksson scored the PP goal. I think Coach Dan is getting his system of playing into their heads. And since their heads mostly control their feet and hands, I guess that's a good thing. So it's on to the Sunshine-less state for Tampa Tuesday, and Sunrise (have fun Penschick!) Thursday. The Catnips won their game today, keeping just a fingertip ahead of the Pens. We'll see how this plays out by the end of the week, but both the Raggers and the Cats are 2 points ahead of the Pens, the Kitties have one game in hand (don't make me go through that again) but the Raggers do not, but they absolutely crushed the Av's this afternoon 6-1.

Long Island, Long Game:

Marc Andre Fleury stopped all 600 shots by the Ice T's for a shut-out 1-0 victory for the Pens. Ok it was just 21 shots, but he stopped them all, and got the first Star of the game. Syko scored the one and only game-winning goal off the rebound from a Sarge blast after a strange sort of formation flight into the zone with him and Geno. Then there was the eternal waiting for the last 2:28, sucking air every time the T's got into the zone. Willing the Flower to make yet another save. (I think we helped, really I do) and willing the Penguins to a much needed win. (is there any other kind at this point?) Without Danis in the net, trying to make up for the last Pensgame he played NY doesn't even come out of the locker room for the third period. (nope, 43-0 is good enough, you win) Danis was making some wild saves and also evidently had on his super-good-luck Scooby Doo Garanimals underwear on, because there's no way 4 or 5 of those pucks don't go in the net. I'm still wondering how Malkin's chance at a wide open net didn't go in, and I've seen the replay.... 3 times!

I think Le-tank got whatever message Coach Dan was trying to send him and may even have sent back a reply with a great hit and a pretty good shot on his first shift tonight. And who was that masked man diving to break up a break-away? The Pens were playing hard tonight, and you could tell in the third that no way was a split going to be good enough. It was 2 points or bust and everyone working hard to make it 2 points. Ratt likes, Ratt likes a lot.

Once again, more to come as the random numbers bobble around in my head.....

Flowers, Sore Groins, and Tanks: UPDATED-ISH

The Tower of Flower Power will get a chance to redeem himself Wed against the Ice T's (They're on Long Island, get it?). He'll be starting in net against the strangely resurgent Isles. They've actually been playing pretty good hockey recently, and I'm not sure why.... They're not the ones that got the new coach. The Raggers did. Yup, Tortorella has replaced old what's-his-name as head coach of the ever popular Rangers. I still have no idea why you replace a 6th place coach, but there it is. It's been done....


But enough of that stuff, let's delve into the ever fascinating world of the Flightless Winter Birds. It seems that El Capitan had to leave practice with some sort of crotch boo-boo. (not really sure about that one) But he's 'probable' to play Wed according to Coach Dan. Also in the 'pretty sure they'll be playing' category are Feds and Cookie. Evidently they were 'evaluated' on Monday, found to contain the sort of insanity that leads to sliding around on the ice with 11 other guys with sticks and a flying rubber biscuit, and therefore will be allowed to do just that.




Really, Really Big News That You Probably Already Know: Kris Le-tank will be on the ice and actually playing against the Isles. It seems that whatever Coach (Lieutenant) Dan was looking for, evidently Le-tank stopped asking silly questions long enough to show it to him, so CD said, 'Shut up and go play hockey' or something like that. Now the only question will be: 'Who sits?' Well, your guess is as good as mine, 'cause CD ain't sayin. He did say that he was 'a big fan of Kris' talent and skill and what he can bring to this team'. So you can stop freaking out, (Raine) Kris is definitely playing for the Penguins.

UPDATE-ITIS: Sidney Crosby will not play tonight against the Ice T's, his groin boo-boo is still .... well boo-hooing. He says that he was hoping to get less sore by game time from the soreness inflicted sometime Sunday but that didn't happen. He also didn't want to cut down the admittedly short time to practice with Coach Dan, but that probably didn't help either. Sid, rest your crotch, no more doing the Time Warp watching Rockey Horror (It's the pelvic thruuu-ust that really drives you ins-a-a-a-aaaane.. uh.... sorry about that), just get better and come back soon.

Ryan Whitney has bolted back to his homeland (Massachusetts) for personal family reasons for a few days and is planning to rejoin the team in Chicago, Friday. In a completely unrelated note: Janne Pesonen has been called back up from WBS. Vince, over at Pesonen and the Pens is so excited he's plagiarising Ronald Ray-gun. (I wonder if he does the voice too?) I think Coach Dan will give him more time on the ice that MT did, but I'm not convinced his impact will be any greater. Sorry Vince, he's a monster over in the Finnish League, but usually that translates to 'average or a little above' in the NHL. I'm not only willing, but hoping to be proved wrong, but it's going to take proof, not golden helmets and hype.

Other Goalie News: Martin Brodeur, or as we like to call him, Uncle Daddy, will probably be coming back to the ice sometime this week. UD says he'd like to be back Thursday, for the game against the Avs. Of course Sutter is saying that he won't be saying anything until Wed. At least he thinks he's saying that. But anyway, Uncle Daddy will be back sometime within the next week or 2 days, or maybe the second Tuesday of next week. So warm up the record books, he's only 7 wins shy of St. Patrick Roy's all time win mark.
Uncle Daddy Update: Brodeur will be returning to the Debbles net Thursday against the Av's. Clemmenson got the boot back to the minors. That's got to be a contract/waivers thing, because he was the one that was burning up the net while U-D was 'indisposed'. Oh well Scott, maybe he'll fall down the stairs or something.....

Suckage and Suicide:

I'm not going to try to blow smoke up your ass. Sunday's game sucked. The score sucked, the announcers sucked, (curse you NBC!!), pulling Marc Andre Fleury in the second period sucked, the power play sucked..... let's just say there was much suckage, including the fact that all the wrong teams are winning their games (how the hell did Florida beat Boston anyway?).

But some things didn't suck.... or at least not as much. Garon kept the net clear once he was thrown to the lions, Mad Maximus scored his second goal in 3 games, Gonch scored another power play goal, and the ever dangerous Rob Scuderi was once again doing his imitation of male denial especially on Nylander's breakaway in the third period. The Pens matched the Caps physically, and strangely enough, that may not have been such a hot idea. It forced the Pens to try to beat the Craps at their own game while still trying to adjust to a new system. Not easy, especially when dealing with our own world class goalie who, let's face it, is in something of a slump for the last few games. Flower, we love ya, but when you're in the net, sometimes the guys have a tendency to lean on you a bit too much.

For the third game in a row Kris Le-tank sat sadly on the sidelines and watched (I think) the game like an average citizen. Possibly because of the tendency of coaches not to mess with what's working (you must respect the streak), he's waiting around like the goofy kid that didn't get picked for the game. (and let's face it, Kris is kind of goofy, incredibly talented, but goofy) Coach Dan has publicly said that he's hoping for a bit more from Kris in the way of intensity during games and practices. (Coach, if you're waiting for the Tank to become a serious player, you may have to wait a bit.... like until he's a grandfather or something) Rumors are flying around that his sitting out is a prelude to a possible trade. But this makes no sense. When you're ready to trade someone you keep him on the ice so the other teams can drool over him and offer you more, you don't sit him out. Besides, the way we were going through defensemen earlier in the year there's no such thing as having 'too many'.

Ratt-note: I will be among the crazed Pensaddicts flooding the Waste spaces with my inanities when and if the Pens make the play-offs. I have every confidence in their ability and the possibility of making the post season. But just in case the worst (?) happens and I can't find that bottle of pills right away, I won't be looking for a tall building to throw myself off of (what if I change my mind on the way down?), I'll be thinking about how the Pens played the last third of the season. If in the midst of my despair at having to watch teams that I don't care about in the play-offs and SCF I can look back and say 'Damn, those Pens never gave up, they fought all the way through' I'll put down the shotgun, empty the pill bottle into the sink, untie the rope from the rafters, and actually look forward to next season. All that 'character' rah-rah aside I might change my opinion if Rob Rossi's speculation about the possibility of Pierre McGuire becoming the next head coach of the Penguins becomes a reality. But if that horrible future actually takes place, I'll have more of a 'He goes before I do' mentality about the whole situation. Mr. Shero, these guys are on TV for a reason and that reason is... they can't coach, they can't play, and they enjoy kissing the wrong team's ass during a national broadcast! (ok that was more than one reason, but you get my drift)

Interesting..... but shtupid: TSN's Bob McKensy, is reporting that the New York Rangers have reached a secret accord with John Tortorella, former coach of the Lightning, for him to become head coach now that Renney has been fired. Just as soon as they ask permission to talk to him..... There's something backward about that, but that's the way it goes sometimes. And when someone can explain that to me, I'll get them to work on this one: How do you get fired while coaching a 6th place team? The mind wobbles.

But that brings something else into the pinball table I call a mind: Don't be surprised if you see FHC (Former Head Coach) Michel Therrien behind the bench next season. I wouldn't be at all shocked to see him behind the bench of.... oh..... say the same team that is now being called 'Penguins South'? I mean, they took everyone else, didn't they? Malone, Hall, Recci, Roberts, et al? And the Lightning are 3rd from the bottom in the Conference. I have no inside information,(ok, I'm talking out my ass) but it's something to think about.

Don't Go Near There:

Here's the only documentation I could find for the WWE move Marc Andre Fleury put on Drury. You see, the Flower was a bit cross at Dudley there for spending a little too much time in his crease without an invitation. MAF tried to tell him it was a 'Goalies Only' zone but old Duds wouldn't listen. So about the 3rd time he trespassed Flower spanked him in the back of the legs and then shoved at his melon with his catcher and sent the Ragger's Capitain to the ice. The Tower of Flower Power is very particular about who he invites into the Blue Paint Club. Chris Drury is not among those so honored. Sorry Chrissy, guess you'll have to go back to MSG where they're not so choosy about who they let in.

First Ever TFS Award Show: Ok, this isn't the first time I've given out awards, but it is the first time I've actually had an award (picture) to give out. I've seen others do this, and it kind of tickled me, and I've never seen an idea so good that I couldn't steal... uh, improve it. So, here we go:

The Bobby Orr Scoring Award: Goes to.... Who else? Kris Le-Tank for his two goal performance. Le-tank has scored on Lundqvist more than a guy with a drunk prom date. Tanger scored his first NHL goal on Lundqvist and evidently liked the feeling.

The Not Unless You Buy Me Dinner Award: Goes to Maxime Talbot for getting hosed by the refs 2ce in five minutes. The first penalty was, if I'm not mistaken, the 'Getting pushed into the goalie penalty' which will always get you a trip to the box.

The award thing is very new, so it may take a while to get moving. Still haven't decided which way to take it, serious or silly. (knowing me I'm pretty sure which way it's going) So we'll see over the next couple of games. Who knows? I may just melt it down for scrap....

New Penguin and Migration:

Marc Andre Fleury and most of the rest of the pens are taking a few days off during the All Star Break. Kris Letang, Evgeni Malkin and Sidney Crosby will all be making a trip to Montreal. That is, if El Sid wouldn't rather take the time to rest his knee/hip/ankle/undisclosed. Le-tank is playing in the Junior Stars game, well, mostly because he couldn't get an invite to the adult table I guess. I've taken some time between posts as well. (did you notice? I thought I noticed you noticing) but the Penguins have not been idle... wait a minute, yes they have, that's the whole point.... sheesh.

For those of you that haven't heard Ray Shero signed Jason Anderson to a one day deal the day of the 'Canes game. I'm going to throw a vid atcha, but I've got to warn you, keep the tissues handy, because you'll be welling up by the end.

Jason had most of the day with the Pens, and a big part of that was spent being toted around by the guy he replaced on the first line, Matt Cooke. (Jason was posted on the board on the line with Geno and Sid) He got to take a couple of shots at Flower and went 1-4. MAF said, "I gave it my all. I did not want him to get much on me and to show him who is king out there on the ice. I think I did well. He still scored, so I think we're even, he did a good job." Jason spent the pre-game in the penalty box and the game in seats behind the player bench with his sister and parents. After the game all the players signed his official jersey. This was the 10,000th wish granted by the Pittsburgh chapter of the Make a Wish Foundation, the most of any single chapter in the country. Which kind of shows you that the sports teams around here (quite a few wishes of the total) are a bunch of soft touches when it comes to kids, and I heartily approve. (I have my official seal of approval around here somewhere)

Migrating Penguins: The Pens have shifted so many players down to WBS that they should have just gotten a bus to get a group rate. Jeffery, B-nasty, Minard, Thomas and Pesonen within the last week or so have all been re-assigned to the Baby Pens. How do these guys handle living it two different cities across the state? I'll bet they've seen more groundhogs while driving across the state, than the people in Punxsutawney (damn that's tough to spell). (Thankfully, I'm not Bill Murray, so I won't have to do that again tomorrow.) Maybe they should just get a house in State College, or Dubois, you know, halfway in between.

Big Hits: Evgeni Malkin has done his best to enhance the reputation of the tough Russian hockey player recently, pasting people into the boards at random intervals. Well, the NHL has decided that his hit on Zherdev during the Raggers game was worthy of the #3 spot this week.(just the hit) (the whole top 10) I'm curious to see what Malkin and O'retchkin will do playing on the same team this weekend. You know there's not supposed to by any hitting, right guys?

Give us a Break: Somehow I figured when the Pens started winning a couple of games we'd be in more of a relaxed mode, media and fan-wise. In my incredibly unofficial poll I see that the fans are ranging from 'Looking up' to 'I don't want to get my hopes up yet'. While the media seems stuck somewhere around, 'this could be just the third bob to the surface for a drowning team'. Seemingly because the Pens are 2-1 for the last three games instead of 3-0. Molinari, over at PPG.com seems to think that the Pens need to 'regroup' after the 2-1 loss to the 'Canes, Tues. He also wonders if the power play, or something else 'betrayed' the Pens in that game. (Yeah, the PP is a traitor to the Cause) Shero, on the other hand, praises the team in one breath, and says that the Pens 'must be a playoff team' in the next.
Let's all take a bit of a trip to Lastweekland, shall we? Remember when all we wanted was for the Pens to win a game? Then we all made sacrifices to the Hockey Gods (the HG are not interested in virgins) to maybe, possibly, hopefully help the guys win TWO in a row. Let's gain a little perspective, ok? Even Stanley Cup winning teams lose the occasional game now and then. Let's not jump out of our collective windows yet, ok people? There's still a couple of games to go, and the guys are playing better hockey than last month. So let's enjoy what we've got, ok?

Late Late Late Edit: The NHL Network is showing a progam of Mike Lange on 'Voices'. It should be posted on their site sometime, and if I find it, I'll swipe it, in the fine tradition of TFS.....

Rangers and Good Luck Steelers:

Put a bunch of hockey players, who barely know what football is together in a good luck Steelers video, and what do you have? Pretty much what you'd expect seeing Mad Maximus, Eric God-ly, Marc Andre Fleury, and Paul B-nasty in goofy football gear in the opening scene (Godard can't keep time while clapping). I love the 'Old Tyme Football' helmet that Flower is wearing. El Sid barely manages not to injure himself while swinging his Terrible Towel around his head. The Cookie Monster just reads the line, he knows football, but is not a fanatic. Bill Thomas seems to know what a rivalry the Stillers/Ravings thing is at least, and the Human Sequoia, (that's Harold Priestly Gill III to you and I) at least seems to know what football is, but looks like he wants to ask, "Why so serious?"

Game Day Stuff: In case you hadn't heard, the Pens/Raggers game is at 12:30 on CBS,(Blogger Busted: That's what you get for not checking, the game was on NBC. Bad Blogger! No Doughnut!) so if you partied too much Sat night you've probably already missed the first period. PP.com doesn't seem to be hip to the fact that some of the wounded birds may be back in the line-up Sunday, and is still running the lines from Friday's game, I think. El Capitan, Scuds and Le-tank will all be game-time decisions on whether or not they play, but they all skated in Saturday's practice. Scuds looks like... well, like he took a puck to the face. But he says his vision wasn't ever affected, he just swelled up until he couldn't see out of that eye. He also says he'll be wearing a partial face shield, even though he's not a big fan of them, to guard against the 'minor contact' a defenseman might have to endure defending the crease. 'Minor contact', kind of like the minor contact one might be subjected to while riding inside an industrial washing machine set on 'puree'. (please get me my suit of armour, and a boatload of ibuprofen) Tank used Saturday's practice to see if he could play with the pain, so he's not 100%, but he's willing to play if the trainers and docs will let him.
Number Please?: Mathieu Garon has to have some kind of discussion with someone about what number he'll play with in Picksburgh. Chris Minard currently has his old number (32) but I haven't heard anything about what's being done. Could be a big thing, could be nothing, but goalies are about the most weirdly superstitious people in the world and it could be a problem if Garon can't play with his old number. Don't worry Mat, according to the Flower the posts already speak French, so go ahead and talk to them if you want. Ali informed me that Chris Minard has changed his number to 14 (and scored the game winner) leaving the number 32 open for Giron. Phil Bourque, Lange's side-kick, is all for the trade for the same reasons I am (maybe there's a job in this for me) Give The Tower of Flower Power a little competitive kick in the butt. He knows that Giron has been #1 before, and he'd better get his mind right if he wants the ice-time. It might be working, too. Flower kept out 33 of 33 shots for his 13th shut out. We shall see.
More to come as the random numbers rattle around in my skull...

Rusty Flowers and Putting on the Foil:

Sometimes it's easy to forget that Marc Andre Fleury is not your usual run of the mill type of goaltender. When MAF came back from his most recent 'undisclosed' injury he was playing like about 70% of the goalies out there. Playing decent hockey. The mind wants to think 'Ah, everything's ok, Flower's back on his game." Then Saturday comes along and you wonder 'What the hell is going on? 5 goals in two periods?' What to nearly any other player would be game shape is actually rust on the Flower. (Steel cities can have steel Flowers, right?) The Tower of Flower Power started showing the shine under the rust last night in Sluggalo. I know he was scored on three times, (two of which I've got to blame on the FPL, sorry guys but you can't leave scorers unchallenged at the top of the crease even on the power play) but quite a few of the saves were vintage Flower Power. Quick lateral movement and a blindingly fast glove. (The follow-up save on Ellis blazes to mind) Don't let the Thrasher's game fool you into thinking that Flower's on his game, he's still raising his play level to its former mind-wobbling height. Flower will be in net tonight against the Tampa Bay Sparks and we'll get to see if he 'gives Malone a shot to the knees or the nuts' , like he said he would in a pre-season interview he did on 105.9 the X, in September. (third one from the bottom on the page, about 35 seconds in)

Other Pens Stuff: Yet another in a series of 'undisclosed' has struck the FPL (Flower Protection League) Kris Le-tank has succumbed to the dreaded 'undisclosed' after stopping a shot in Monday nights game. The only bright spot in this is we don't have to guess who'll be scratched to allow Ryan Whitney to play in tonight's game against the Sparklers. Yes, that's right folks, Whits is playing tonight for the first time this season. This morning's skate was optional so there's no way to say who he'll partner up with but he'll be out there with tens of thousands of Pensaddicts wanting to see if it was worth the wait. (no pressure Rye, just play your game)

Speaking of this morning's skate, the Human Sequoia, Hal Gill was skating for the first time since injuring his shoulder (too many people saw it, they couldn't 'undisclose' it afterwards). In an interview Hal said that he felt better, but would know more when he actually had someone on the ice to bump into. He then proceeded to ask for volunteers from the media, but there were no takers. That would be kind of like skating against your dad when you were 10, I'm not surprised no one took him up on it.

Aw Mom, Can't I Play Inside?: Something I stumbled across (no comment) that might be found interesting (in a land of complete boredom, maybe?) If he plays on New Years, Ty Conklin, former season saver for the Pens, will be in his third outdoor game in a row. That's right, folks, there have only been three and if he plays next Thursday Ty Conklin will have played in them all. "Either I follow it around, or it follows me. I don't know which is which." Ty said. It evidently didn't occur to him when he went to the Red Rags that they were playing in the Winter Classic this year. He does say (and I agree) that the equipment guys are going to have the roughest time at the game, not knowing what the conditions are going to be like, or if they'll change suddenly.

Old Time Hockey: The movie even hockey fans can understand, Slap Shot, is back out in a new 35 mm print being shown Jan 1-4 at Pittsburgh Filmmaker's Regent Square Theater. Also in the same article is a mention of Dave Hanson's recent book Slapshot Original: The Man, the Foil, the Legend. It not only talks about some behind the scenes stuff, making the movie, but also has stories in it about the actors and players involved. I guess the Statute of Limitations is up on most of the stuff they did back then. ( I wish I could say the same, but my attorney won't let me comment)

As usual on game-days more to come as the random numbers sort themselves out in my head.

Mad Maximus and His Entourage:

Mad Maximus has a new jumbotron sponsor video. My favorite part is where he almost takes Senator Chris Neil's head off for disrespecting the Flower. (0:48 in) Call me vindictive if you want.
There's only three things I want to say about Monday's game, FPL member Kris Le-Tank scored his first goal in 36 games, Geno got hacked-off at MacArthur last night and smacked him with a right cross, and I can't remember the third thing. Doesn't happen too often but Malkin is a big guy and, if pushed, he's got a temper. .
General Penguin Type Stuff: Marc Andre Fleury practiced with the team again today, but Therrien says he won't be playing this week. Boucher is still listed as week-to-week, Ziggy is still day-to-day and Janne the Yo-yo (up and down, up and down) was sent back to WBS again. Hal Gill's injury is nearly 'disclosed'! The Sequoia will be out for 2 weeks with a shoulder injury that's not a bruise. (hey it's still better than 'undisclosed') At the bottom of that article is a tiny snippet that says, and I quote: "Whitney is hopeful to play next week for the first time this season." The Trib does not say who is hopeful. The Trib? The Penguins? Ryan Whitney? the Cotton Candy Guy? anyway, someone is hoping that Ryan plays sometime (undisclosed?) next week.
Ben Lovejoy (how about McLovin for a nickname or Benlovin? The mind wobbles!) is glad to have his first NHL game out of the way, and I have to tell ya, other than a couple of bobbles during a time when the whole team seemed to be doing the same thing, I was fairly impressed. He showed more poise in his first game than Go-Go did, and look how good Goligoski is doing now.
Also, this just in: 8100 midgets invade the Igloo! Well ok, it was kids day at the Mellon they showed up from 63 schools on 250 buses to watch practice. The under-height stampede evidently had a blast and the players got a kick out of it too. Whitney said," It was fun. You could tell that the kids enjoyed it, and it's something I wish I could have done when I was a kid." (What's he talking about? He's just a big kid and he gets to it every day.)

Updated, Thanks Spanks and Le-tanks:

I just want to thank Chris for giving me the keys to The Shop. There aren't enough words to express the gratitude. That being said in complete sincerity I can only add: It's MINE! Mine I Tell You!! Muahahahahaha!! (ok psychotic break over, back to work!)

At the top of every one's list today is Sean Avery's comments and 'indefinite' suspension, so let's deal with that and then move on. As you may have noticed by the pic to the left I'm something less than a fan of IFSA as Jodie puts it, (I F----n Hate Sean Avery. You can substitute your own favorite F word). He said some crude things about a couple of ex-girlfriends and their current relationships with hockey players, and in usual worm-like fashion he sought out a reporter in the locker room to make his comments. In swoops Gary Bettman who will ignore SA's bigoted and demeaning public comments about fellow players, but won't stand for him besmirching anyone with a publicity agent in their pocket. Final score? Say anything you want 'in house' but don't bite the hand that feeds the League. Public opinion means more to Bettman than disgruntled employees(or possibly even his left arm). Chalk another 'not too flipping smart' award to Avery, nuff said. Also translate 'indefinite suspension' to 'you'll play when I feel like letting you play' and it's not so much a punishment as a way to get SA (stupid a--) out of the way until Gary can see which way the PR wind is blowing.

Pens Stuff: Ok, on to things that actually matter. Marc Andre Fleury is only one of three Pens that practiced today, conditioning and he took some shots from Ryan Whitney. He's classifying his 'undisclosed' as back to 'day-to-day' rather than 'week-to-week'. Just out of my own head (after all what would want to stay in there?) it could be a Black, Gold and White Christmas this year as we all hope to get MAF and Whitney and now Boucher and Kennedy (who's undisclosed is also hurting) before the Big Guy with the reindeer gets here. (please, SC, don't check that list even once, just gimme!) Janne Pesonen and Chris Minard were called up because of Ziggy and TK getting 'undiscloseds' last night. Mike Zigomanis is listed as probable for the game though. Sabu is probable to start in net tonight.

Evgeni Malkin bought a house in Pittsburgh, but the guys at NHL.com think it's more wonderful that he's answering questions in English. (I gotta admit, that is pretty cool) It's gotta help communication on the ice, having Geno actually talking to his guys rather than Sarge translating for him when they get back to the bench. Of course he's still cursing in Russian, so Sarge probably still has some things to translate for the guys.

The PPG Q&A is asking some goalie type questions again. Basically the reader wanted to know why the Pens can't keep both Sabu and Flower. Molinari trotted out the bankbook logic stating that since Sabu is playing so well chances are that he'll get an offer that the Pens won't likely wish to match. This is true, Sabu is playing very well this year and it's quite likely there'll be a team that wants that kind of talent in front of their net and they'll offer him several large-ish bags of money to do so. The thing that Dave kinda missed was the fact that Dany wants to be a no.1 goalie, and with The Tower of Flower Power planted in front of the cage that's not likely to happen for him here.

Goofy Things You Never Thought You'd See: The latest in a series of slightly strange Jumbotron vids is this gem. Playing on Le-tank's name and stealing a 30 year old Tang commercial is kind of hokey, but it's harmless hokey I guess.

Tonight the Pens collide with the Hurricanes, and strangely enough I'm kind of hoping they're trailing going into the third period. Be prepared for 6798 Staal brother references. I know that's why there were only 258 last night, Stogie and Error were saving them up.
After Game Stuff: Syko went...... well, psycho tonight scoring two goals and coming within a whisker of the HT when Geno slipped him the puck on a 2 on 1 but Leighton put a stop to it. El Capitan had a 4 point night creeping ever closer (39) to Geno (41) On a further El Sid note, Sidney Crosby is now leading the Eastern Conference All Star Team voting. The Tower of Flower Power has taken a huge jump in the polls recently as well. The Pens actually scored 2 POWER PLAY GOALS. (somebody pinch me!) Satan scored, Fedotenko scored (now I know I'm hallucinating) I couldn't tell you how many times the Flightless Ones stole the puck in the 'Canes zone. Sabu looked very good in net making some amazing saves while making the other Staal look silly while doing it. Someone must have had words with Stogie and Error about the gratuitous Staal brother references because they're way down, although they did manage to work in Jared Staal in case it was just the Major Leaguers you were getting tired of hearing about.

Meet Me in St. Louie, Louie:

Marc Andre Fleury allowed 3 goals on 22 shots in the Gateway City to give the Blues the blues. The Tower of Flower Power had a solid, sometimes flashy excursion between the 'arches' in St Louis, despite allowing 2 goals on only 4 shots in the first, at which point many bridges in the Golden Triangle where crowded with despondent, soon to be damp, Pensaddicts. Flower and the FPL tightened up, and shut down the Blues and their #1 PP for most of the rest of the game. MAF will be at BC Sports in the Ross Park Mall from 12:00-1:30 Sunday to sign autographs (if you buy a little 50-60 buck autograph ticket), sorry, slipped up on this one and didn't get the news until late.

Recap-ish: The 'Saved by Zero' commercial must die the death. Ok, that being said, about halfway through the first, Wolverine (Jackman, get it?) scored off a sneaky boomerang shot that didn't stay in the goal for more than a second, I was hopefully waiting for the replay, but it betrayed me by showing that the shot actually went in. Later, on a bad call/hipcheck/trip on Brooksie, Malkin (who let's face it, doesn't count face-offs as one of his skills), won two or three in a row to help the PK hold the enemy shotless. That shotless PP thing lasted for the first two periods. Pessonen's gold helmet tangent in the FSN booth, and how Steggies nephew is a better researcher than Steggo. Just when I was about to throw something at the screen during a Pens PP, Le-Tank flips a pass to El Sid who slips it to Satan who picks up his own errant pass to show Chris Mason the power of the Lord of the Infernal Realm with a nice wrist-shot over his shoulder. This would have been much cooler if Oslie hadn't scored off a good McClement pass 25 seconds later. (Cue cheesy Hee-Haw song) Intermission Question: Do they just shuffle those penguin/Potash commercials, or does someone actually watching the game pick them? And why do Potash's penguins get more play than the Pittsburgh Penguins during the break?

Second Period start reads like an FPL report. Scuds made a nice diving play, Le-Tank gets slashed by the God of wine and song (Baccus), no call. Go-Go scores on a nice wrister from near the blue line. Blues try to quick-counter again but the apparent goal was waved off on a high stick pass. Tank comes back and Flower makes a glove save on a shot that I didn't even see on slow-mo replay. Bobbo and Steggo go off on yet another tangent talking about how Alex Pietrangelo pronounces his name different than Frank to cover Steggie's butt for mispronouncing Frank's name all these years until we almost miss Brewer's holding Sid. Just about when you think the PP is hopeless, Geno slaps one from the blue line, through McKee's legs and past a confused Mason to make the score 3-2. Then 30 seconds later TK smacks his own rebound off Mason's butt to make the game 4-2. A few minutes later, Golden Helmet revved up Spaceballs I and mashed some Bluenote into the boards. Kevin and Vince over at Pessonen and the Pens are probably doing back flips watching this. Mason almost brainfarts one into his own goal, Errey almost has an aneurism talking about it. Just before the end of the period, Syko goes psycho on a Blues defenseman who was taking stick-liberties with El Capitan. As exciting as the second was, Error and Stogie want to talk about how Alex Pietrangelo is his own grandpa or the strange, almost West Virginian way that Alex and Frank are related..... I listened for 10 minutes and still don't understand it.

The Third Period was much more relaxing to watch, even though I wasn't counting this one as a win until it was in the bag. Chris Holt, the Blues backup goalie made a spectacular save... from the bench. And then we learned that it takes 4 blues players to take on one Energizer Bunny (TK) and Zigomanis is more than a face-off specialist. Ziggy was working his butt off, blocking shots, stealing pucks and taking shots. Orpik became the defensive beast we all know him to be and put Kariya on his butt. Later, Berglin picks up his own rebound and flips one past the Flower and things are tense while everyone waits for yet another melt-down, until 40 seconds later when Maximus (keep the French-Manchu, it's working) makes a deal with Satan to score his second goal of the year off of a nice clear by Orpik. MAF with some nice work in the final minutes and an empty net gift for Staal from Geno sealed the deal. 6-3

Wrap-up, wrap-up: Got to give the Pens credit. Even though the PP seemed to be more lucky than good sometimes, the PK was simply awesome shutting down the Blues, who despite some problems have a stellar PP. They didn't go into a shell at all in the third, keeping up the offensive pressure and scoring goals. The Zebra patrol seemed to have a bit of a problem seeing some fairly blatant slashing penalties, and the FSN duo had a bit of a problem repeating the word 'jump' 654 times and I now feel like a member of the Pietrangelo clan due to the genealogy laid out by Steigerwald.

Moronic Russian Quote of the Day: Alexander Semin has decided that since Ovie is out of the country he should do what he can to keep the Craps/Pens rivalry going. Either that or he feels safer knowing that it'll be Jan. 14th until he'll have to pay for his remarks about El Sid. You see Sperm the Worm has decided that El Capitan is just your average player hyped to the max. "I think if you take any player, even if he is 'dead wood' and start promoting him, you'll get a star. Especially if he scores 1oo points. No one is going to care about anyone else. No one is going to care whether he possesses great skill. Let's say you put someone in front of the net and let him deflect pucks in , and he scored 50 goal: everyone will say 'wow' and then hand him 10 mil per year." Uh.... 'dead wood' and '100' points don't normally go together. And all apologies to him, but that sounds a lot more like Ryan Malone than Troy and Trina's little boy. Just another case of a guy saying something contrivercial to get a rise and that becomes more important than the relative stupidity of the player making the comment. My advice? When you pay your dues, Alex, you'll get your props. Until then, keep your mouth shut and play hockey.