Saturday, May 30, 2009

Pens-Addict and Proud:

I sit here in front of my 'puter wondering how it happened. How was I indoctrinated into this? This Cult of the Penguin? How did I become a Pens-addict? Or even a hockey fan? I grew up in the Midwest (Ohio is not mid or west of anything and is NOT in the Midwest) next to the Missouri River where you couldn't even buy a hockey game. Kansas City had a hockey team. The KC Blades of the IHL. 87% of the people in KC had no clue they existed, let alone what they were, but they were there. (To my own shame I never saw a Blades game until I moved to Florida and started working for the IHL Orlando Solar Bears) So how did this hockey thing start consuming my soul? It seemed so simple at the beginning (it always does) I was working at the Orlando Arena (insert 'House of Pain') during the time when the Solar Bears and the Orlando Magic were both in the play-offs of their respective sports. We were converting the arena from hockey to basketball (which is cool to talk about, but hellish to do) when I broke my leg.

The details are unimportant (and slightly embarrassing), what is important is that it was middle of April, I was out of action for 3 months, and my friend Gargoyle had broken his leg 2 weeks before, (no I am not a copy-cat) and Gargoyle was a hockey fan. So, to aleviate the boredom I would go over to his house in the evenings to hang out. And I started watching the SCF's, sometimes 3 or 4 games a night (you know, when ESPN actually knew what hockey was) I was sure I could stop at any time, it's just a phase brought on by the boredom. But looking back, I can see the slide.

A little pick-up Deck Hockey every once in a while. Then it was the occasional Wednesday Night hockey game on ESPN2. A Slap Shot revival on cable (I was still in control, wasn't I?), Mystery Alaska on DVD, watching The Mighty Ducks during the off-season (hey, I'm not proud of it) 16 Macfarlane hockey figures on a shelf made out of hockey sticks, 8 hockey sticks, a complete set of roller goalie gear with 3 different masks, 4 Penguins jerseys 3 commemorative pucks, 3 bobbleheads, 2 KC Blades jerseys, 2 mini-goalie masks, a miniature replica of the Stanley Cup, and a compulsive need to watch every single game the Flightless Ones play in. (I tried for 3 hours to find live coverage of the Jokerit game). I'm not ashamed to state boldly that I hate the Detroy-it Red-Rags, that I'm disgusted that NBC has anything to do with the coverage, but I'll still be super-glued to the couch for every game, or that my calming mantra while waiting for the SCF is 'Flower, don't fall down'. I don't even try to pretend I'm in control any more. I'm a Pens-addict and like Gregory House and his Vicadin, I have no problem being addicted. None at all. And if anyone else does well they can just.... buy a vowel.
My name is Dave, I'm a Pens-addict, and I'm damned proud.
So, say it with me folks, with your 'Octo-pussies' shirts held high

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Rematch City:

It's official. The Pens/Red Rags SCF rematch is about to begin. Try not to get weirded out by the continuous sucking sound coming from Edzone and Croc Emry in their excess of affection for Detroit Rag City. Let the Games begin!

Oh, and someone shoot the Octopus guy for me, would ya? That guy is seriously annoying.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Clean Sweep:

Marc Andre Fleury and the Pittsburgh Penguins have swept the Carolina Hurricanes for the Eastern Conference Championship, despite getting no goals from Geno and El Capitan, although El Sid did return the favor to Billy Guerrin on an assist that was a mirror image of the play that netted Sid a goal Saturday night. But even though the scoring was there (ok Max's goal was weird, but it's still a goal) the absolute star of the game was the Tower of Flower Power. Whenever the 'Canes started to crash the net it was the quick glove and flipper feet (I was watching Error Youtubes and I have no shame) of MAF that pulled the guys out of any crack in the defensive wall. Flower faced 31 shots and only allowed 1 goal on E-Staal's wrap around 1:36 into the first. Fleury was making me a little nervous in the first following pucks behind the net, but it all worked out with only one or two heart-stoppers. Despite being out shot for the first time in the series 31-25 Marc-Andre was everything that a lot of people were wondering why he wasn't (?). He was Spectacular. Learning Stuff: I learned tonight that MAF has a 'tummy button' where all those pucks evidently keep going. During a post-game interview Flower said that it was easier for the guys to be loose and confident when you're winning. That may be true, but winning or losing still plays hell with the nerves of the fans let me tell ya. It's the Play-Offs no... wait.... it's the STANLY CUP FINALS!!!! (we pause now for a psychotic break) Mike Lange at the end of tonight's game: You can spit-shine your shoes, Mable. It's time to dance with Lord Stanley.That just about says it all, doesn't it?

Sid has obviously either been watching old footage of the Prince of Whales ceremony where Les Magnifique grabbed the Conference Trophy, skated it over to the team and then off the ice, and then on to win the Cup, or Mario had given him secret instructions. After avoiding it last year and losing to the Red Rags in six games The Kid nearly snatched the damn thing out of Daly's hands, and after taking the 'Triple Threat Pic' El Sid, Geno and Sarge all posed with the trophy, then immediately skated it over to the team. Some of them touched it, and some of them didn't. Breaking with superstition, but bowing to it as well.

Now on to the SCF and crappy NBC announcing and no jumbo screen. I don't know about you, but I'm going to be testing my patience listing to those guys slobber all over the Red Rags again this year. Then again, think about this: So far all the stuff 'they' said the Pens couldn't do at the beginning of the season and again at the All Star Break, the Pens have done. The Penguins made it to the Play-Offs, then through three rounds and are Conference Champs again. Let's see... didn't 'they' say that the Pens couldn't win the Stanley Cup?... I think 'they' did. Hmmmmm...... interesting.

But for now, I'm going to enjoy a bit of cool down time.... I think it'll be, oh minutes anyway before I'm itching for Game 1 of the STANLEY CUP FINALS..... GO PENS!!!!!

A Tale of Two Goalies:

That's right, Penguins are mad-scary! Well, we hope that the 'Cranes think so, anyway. The Tower of Flower Power seems to be going for the scruffy play-off look now that his 'stache and goatee are filling in. Now he's starting to look like a Rock Star. But he's still laughing at the reporters who just keep repeating the three standard questions. A) What do you think about the people (reporters) who downgrade your goaltending. B) How tough are the 'Canes going to be tonight. and 3) What do the Penguins need to do to beat the Flyers/Craps/Cranes/Wings/ and-or Midget hockey club they'll be playing tonight. It's actually a good thing that they keep asking the same questions (although I think even MAF is getting tired of it by now) because you can't hear what the reporters are saying! I still think Hal Gill said it best, "I think if we score more goals than the other team we'll have a good chance of winning the game." How could you put it any better than that?

Evidently Cram Warp has been dealing with some sort of undisclosed boo-boo over the last few games. But they say that he's felt able to play every time he's gotten in the net. So, either it's a non-factor, in which case they never should have said anything. Or it's an excuse, in which case they shouldn't have bothered saying anything. Your guess is as good as mine. One thing I know (or at least think I know) if the 'Cranes have anything left for the Pens tonight is the night we're going to see it. E-Staal (you know he has a brother?), Warp, and the rest know that there's nothing in their future (sod farm) but golfing (Thunder Bay), and vacation plans (home cooking) if they don't pull out the stops tonight. They're going to want to come out strong and the closer to the finish of the game it gets the more desperate they're going to play. So basically the Pens should score a bunch in the first period, break their will, keep them down and rack up the Power Play time for the rest of the game. It's going to be tough to beat the 'Cranes, they're a good team and they're desperate. This one's going to be too close to call for a simple country Ratt..... Batten down the hatches, stock up on the antacids and alcohol and let the game begin!!

And for those of you who've been missing Bob Error making silly comments here's something just for you....

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Unrelated Relative Facts:

Thought it was only fair to warn ya.

Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals will take place South of the Mason-Dixon line in the home of the Hurricanes. Unrelated fact: Danny (Bylsma, not Bi-elsma, Reaugh) is one of the 21 names chosen this year for hurricanes that may or may not hit Carolina. The Pens go into the game tonight up 2-0 in the Series and hope to keep the pressure on the 'Cranes and win one or two 'down there'. I could try to predict the game, scour the internet for the 'experts' opinion to back up my guessing. But you've only got to look back at the last two games to realize that I'm blowing smoke up your butt. No one knows or can predict what's going to happen. Just look at Thursday's game. Start with the score: 7-4. How unreal is that with these goalies? Cookie has a three point night, but no one notices because of all the other amazing shit that happened. How many people thought that we'd be talking about The Lord of the Infernal Realm dealing a beat-down on Eaves? Or the fact that Kris Le-tank's hair would burst loose not once, but twice? (I told you not to mess with the hat) Who pre-wrote the headline 'Kunitz Gets First Goal in 19 Games'? And let's not even talk about Geno's HT, or Pappa Geno getting busted by Mamma for kissing that blond that always sits in front of the Malkin Parental Units. (I'd like to take this opprotunity, once again, to thank them for having sex and the product thereof) Or what about Game 1? Let's all travel back to 7:00 Monday and put some money down on Boucher getting the GWG. Or the least likely thing of all. That VS would actually find an articulate commentator, and then hire him for the Penguins games. I'm no bumpkin, but I was shocked to hear words like 'corpulent' and 'sapient' from an announcer during a hockey game. Unrelated fact: Daryl Reaugh (pronounced 'ray') has a Stanley Cup ring with Edmonton in '88 but his name doesn't appear on the cup. So ask me for winning Lotto numbers, where lighning is going to strike, how many jelly beans would fit in the Igloo or something easy like that. But don't ask me to predict the outcome of Game 3.

Unrelated to just about anything:
Is it just me, or does Harold Priestly Gill III look like a parent that snuck into his kids Midget League game?

Something comes to mind when people criticize the Tower of Flower Power's efforts in the last two series. When you're in the Play-Offs losing is like being caught and mauled by a bear. (just wait, it'll sort of make sense in a minute) Now, when you're running from a bear, you don't have to be faster than the bear.... just faster than the guy you're running with. So far Ward's been the one with his laces untied. (see? that kinda makes sense... in a weird way)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Second Verse, Same as the First:

Two Pictures of the same thing

Tonight Marc Andre Fleury and the Pens will once again face the 'Cranes at the Igloo. Sooner or later you're going to hear a bunch of people ( if you haven't already) pick the Flower's game apart. Every tiny mistake seems to mean that MAF isn't a world-class goalie. Well Ron Cook over at PPG and I are pretty tired of it. Ron had some good things to say about our favorite pointy-lipped French-Canadian. Another Cooke (Cookie Monster, that is) said, " He loves standing up for our team. He loves the pressure." (It's true, goalies are crazy) He also seems to get a kick out of people criticizing him. He just laughs and grins and then goes out and keeps doing what he does. Making big time saves. Some are beginning to see the light after the huge O'Retchkin save at the beginning of Game 7, like Kimmelman over at But there are still too many overpaid ex-player announcers (NHL network) taking pot-shots at the Flower. Look all you doubters,(Emrick) we're saying he's good, not God, although if there is a goalie God, it's likely he's French-Canadian. You don't get this far into the Play-Offs without great goaltending, you certainly don't come from 10th in the standings to 4th in the Play-Offs without you have some kinda major save action going on between the pipes, if you get what I'm saying. Guess who that would be for the Pens? You got it. The Tower of Flower Power himself, Marc-Andre Fleury. But go ahead all you nay-sayers, get your licks in. Bring on the trash talk and the critical attitude. Because much like Marc-Andre, I don't like you well enough to care if you look like an idiot when all this is over........

Monday, May 18, 2009

Waiting and Waiting:

You'd think that with just a couple of hours left to go the waiting would get easier. Nope. It's been a rough 5 days waiting for the start of the Eastern Conference Finals. I haven't even looked at my computer because I knew that would make the wait even longer. And with every news outlet now narrowed down to just 4 teams to cover and 5 whole days of nothing going on I figured I pretty much didn't have to post.They're still riding the Staal vs Staal horse about as far as they can go. Prisuta, over at the Trib, seems to be jumping the gun putting the whole series on Marc Andre Fleury's back. Although the article almost sounded like a revisit of the whole Crosby/O'Retchkin match up since he didn't even mention the Tower of Flower Power until the last two paragraphs. (except the title, give a goalie some love, will ya?) The news? Gonch skated, a bunch of Baby Pens were called up, Super Duper may not play tonight (but they said the lines didn't change.... hmmm), the Staals are brothers and Yanni wore an El Capitan jersey at his concert last night. There, I think you're all caught up for the game. 5 days off and in one paragraph I'm all caught up..... hmmmm.

In further news: The Pope was seen blessing Sidney Crosby's stick, so we've got that going for us.

Well, it's game one, I'm stocked up on antacids and alcohol. Got my lucky shirts set out in order of mojo. (if one isn't working, skip to the next one) Wearing my lucky sweatpants (commando, in case you're curious-it's tradition) all my vudu-pens memorabilia is perched atop the TV.... phones turned off, neighbors warned by the raising of the colors (pensflag), I think I'm just about ready to go.... in that top of the roller coaster kind of a way. It's clanking its way to the top, and we're just waiting for the plunge.... .... .... ...... HERE WE GO!!!


The Tower of Flower Power was absolutely stellar in the first two periods despite getting tied up with Le-tank allowing the Cranes first goal. A Crane's goal was disallowed after someone managed to topple the Sequoia into Fleury. (Paul Bunyan, maybe?) Flower just went back to work making mind-wobbling saves until Eric Staal (you know he has brothers?) scooted his stick away during a power-play late in the third to make the score 3-2. Despite facing a 6on5 and a ton of desperate chances MAF managed to keep the win for the Pens.

Miro Satan scored the first goal of the night sneaking out of the penalty box and beating Cam Ward with a sweet move on a break-away. Satan has been a class act going through being sent down to the minors, then sitting out the first series. He's working his butt off now and putting points on the board. Malkin scored on a sneaky backhand making Momma Geno do the Happy Towel Dance in the stands. (she had the hips going and everything!) And if only to prove that it pays to keep good guys around, Phillipe Boucher scored the game winner on a 5-hole dribbler that crept over the line. (we'll take it)

The Cranes had a couple of guys go down on leg-contact hits with the Pens. Ruutu (not Ruuuuuuutuuuuuu) looked like he pulled a hamstring when Eats knocked him down trying to slide around him, and Cole going down when he and Cookie crossed paths in the slot.

Well, that's one down..... several to go. Now we play the waiting game until Thursday..... Great... I love waiting........ really........... uh.......... yeah.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Marching On:

And they march on.....

First of all I'd like to send a personal note of thanks to the Penguins, Ray Shero, and Mario 'Les Magnifique' Lemieux and anyone else that had a hand in it, for sending the Crapitals to their respective golf courses.

The Pens WIN in amazing fashion smashing the Craps and Varmalov 6-2. El Capitan re-read some of Semin's (are you sure that's not a body fluid?) comments from earlier this year and punished Wash-out-ton for two of the Pens 6 goals. But it all could have had a different ending if not for... you guessed it, Marc Andre Fleury, The Tower of Flower Power denying O'Retchkin on a breakaway three minutes into the First Period. I could wear my keyboard out describing it, but I'll just be a lazy Ratt and show you instead:

Craig Adams had a surprising reward for all his efforts on the fourth line and PK, (making him FPL) scoring five-hole on Varmolov 18 seconds after El Sid's first. But you all saw the game (and if you missed this, shame on you for 6 weeks) and like I said... I'm so JAZZZED about the game I could do permanent damage to my keyboard....

Two things: We'll know who the Pens face in the Conference finals Thursday night. The Cranes and Broons are tied 3-3, but the interesting game is likely to be the Ducks/Red-rags. Those two teams are polar opposites in their approach to the game and they're also doing the game 7 thing. Could be WAR!

We say goodbye for the season to our favorite targets... uh announcers, and the FSN coverage that has gotten us through the season and Play-Offs so far. Wednesday was the final game for Error and Stogie calling the shots. We'll have to live with VS (where's my gun?) and NBC (Nazi Broadcast Clowns) coverage from here on out. Say what you will about E&S (and I have), they're worlds better than their 'competition'. While they definitely lean in Pittsburgh's direction (and if they didn't we'd hunt them down and burn down their houses) they do their best to be objective admirers of the game of hockey. And as many times as I've said, "Shut up Bob!" or rolled my eyes at some strange polar bear eating a moose story that he comes up with, or wondered if Stogie was even watching the same game, I'm going to miss those guys. So.... Thanks guys, and see you again next season.

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor:

And that word is INSANITY!!!

I sit and wait in(sane) for the game.....

I hate game 7's.... Game 7's are for highlight reels and talking about between seasons. NOT for waiting for the Life/Death of your team. But my new jacket helps me. I'm only waiting to see if I'll have any interest in hockey for the next three months... that's all. Nothing important.... really! And now for the 'I'm going into battle, and may not return' speech: If this is the end of this season it's been one HELL of a ride! Thanks guys no matter how it turns out.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

The Master of the Pan Flute:

Marc Andre Fleury remains perfection in Play-Off Overtime. Extending his record to 5-0 making 28 of 31 saves to lead the Pens to a 4-3 win Saturday night in Washington. The Tower of Flower Power held the fort during the Craps rush in the first until the Pens could use their first Power Play to get their feet under them. Da 'Burgh boys broke a trend in tonight's game, scoring the first goal and winning the game. Staal opened the scoring with a nice pass from Satan who has been all over the ice. The Craps score two and then Feds who has been a Play-Off beast scoring timely goals recently threw one in past Varlomov to tie it up.

But one of the heroes of the night was the Cookie Monster himself. With a crushing hit on O'Retchkin in the second and a (then) game leading goal in the third. But the big hero of the night was (no not Tom Poti, although we'd all like to thank him) Evgeni Malkin. Geno drew from some unimaginable source the energy to fly down the ice on a 2 on 1 with El Capitan, tried the cross-crease pass which Poti tried to break up but ended up banging it in his own net. I'm sure Craps fans would like to make Poti the goat, but if he misses the pass then Sid just bangs it in past Varlomov.

So it's back to the Mellon for game 6. The Pens have won 3 in a row and lead the series 3-2. And what does this mean? Nearly nothing. Sure the Pens have the advantage in games. The momentum has definitely shifted in their favor, and they return to one of the best home field (rink) advantages in the National Hockey League. But they're not playing last season's Play-Offs, where all they had to do (seemingly) was show up for 4 out of 5 games and then breeze to the next round. The Penguins are playing a team that can, it seems, get away with just about anything as long as they're not found standing over the body with the bloody knife (stick) in their hands. Unlike the old 'Broadstreet Bullies' that you hear about so much the Craps aren't making up for a lack of talent by bashing everything they see these guys have some talent. Of course some of that talent may be in stealing the ref's whistles and hiding them. Also they don't mind playing as dirty as they can get away with to show it off. Don't you think it's interesting that the one player that 'everyone' considers vital to the Pens success is the one that was 'accidentally' injured? The Pens are going to have to come out prepared to either weather the early storm the Craps bring, or match it. One of the good things about coming home is that they'll be able to park The Ever Dangerous Rob Scuderi in O'Venereal's back pocket for pretty much the whole game. Scuds has been even more awesomer than usual defending against the Grape Ape (Great Eight my ass) and deserves his own TFS award for his extra effort.

Sarge News: The news is.... no-one knows what the news is. TSN reported late Saturday that Gonch would be out for several weeks if not the rest of the season. (uh..... never mind) But Coach Dan was quoted early Sunday as saying that he was hoping that Gonch would be ready to skate either Sunday or Monday. Obviously you can't trust either Canadians or Play-Off coaches to give you the true story. You're probably going to have to treat Sarge like Bigfoot, until you actually see him, you can't believe the stories.

Ratt Rant: I'm tired of The Master of the Pan Flute taking the rap for the back to back games in this series. If NBC hadn't been such dicks to decide that the Craps needed the extra rest to give more time for advertising and the first game of the series needed to be on Saturday afternoon to boost their Market Share then there would have been no conflict with Yanni's concert and all of the games could have been spread out evenly. God knows why anyone wants to hear 3 hours of Pan Flute music, but while you can blame Yanni for bringing Auditory Hell to Earth, the back to back blame rests squarely on the heads of Bettman and NBC.

Too P!ssed to Write:

If Alex O'Retchkin doesn't get at least a game suspension it's because the League doesn't want to screw up their 'Market Share' of the big star rivalry series. Because what he did to Gonch deserves both suspension and a hefty fine. I watched the replay several times and Retch spread his feet to catch Sarge's leg. If it were anyone else.... aww screw it, nothing will happen. The NHL Channel guys are already spinning the hit in what's-his-name's favor. But it was a blatant attempt to injure, and to quote AO himself, 'a dirty hit'.

Update: As I thought, as of this update no action has been taken by the League against O'Retchkin for last night's knee-to-knee hit on Sergei Gonchar. The Pens are making noises about 'how it wasn't as bad as we feared' and 'Gonchar will be a game-time decision', but I'm not buying it. I think they'll do whatever they can to get Gonch back in the line-up, but look to see Boucher (the one they're not talking about) on the blue-line. If Sarge does play (limited, possibly power plays and reduced minutes) look to see Go-Go Gadget Goal doing double time as a winger/defenseman. Bad Idea. The fourth line has been playing very well the way it's configured and Boucher's shot at the point would help make up for the lack of the Power-Play howitzer that is Gonchar's slap-shot. One more thing. The guys can't get caught up in trying to 'pay back' O'Dipshit for last night's hit. They've got to keep doing to him what they've been doing. Put Scuds in his back pocket and leave him there. Of course, if the opportunity presents itself to ... hmmmm say, Mr Orpik, I think O'-Venerealdisease should be mashed into a fine paste against the boards. (vindictive, ain't I?) All in all if the Pens keep doing their thing and put this one in the win column they'll have given another blow to the stake in the hearts of the Craps.... and that'll be a very good thing.

So let's just look at the Tower of Flower Power making a fantastic save on Federov.

Laughed my ass off when Flower told Savran that it was all part of his plan, letting the Craps score first. (first goal in this series hallmarks a losing game so far)Looking for a pic of Brooksie introducing call-up Jay Beagle to the fact that you just don't hit a hitter..... Beagle tried to line up Orpik against the boards but Brooks brushed him off like an annoying insect. Then looked down at Beagle, shook his head and skated away.

Probably see Boucher on the Blue line Sat. And expect Go-Go Gadget goal to get the call-up.... And to the VS and NHL Channel guys.... Anyone that counts this team out just doesn't know the Pens....

Friday, May 8, 2009

The Big Game.... Again:

Marc Andre Fleury, the Tower of Flower Power remains undefeated in Play-Off overtime! The Flower may be perfect in OT, but my nerves don't follow the stats. Every OT game makes me want to reach for the O2 and a sedative.... Let's try to win this one in regulation, huh guys?

It seems like every game for the last three months has been the 'big game'. That's probably because they all have been. Well the 27 hours that will determine the state of the series will be from the drop of the puck Friday to the end of the game Saturday. Best case: Pens up 3-2. Worst: Pens start packing up and calling golf courses. For the record: We like option 1 better. With a win tonight the Pens can have their foot firmly on the gas pedal and can use that momentum to hand the Craps a loss on their home ice and then bring it back to the Igloo for a little home-cooked series clinching action. Like I said, that's best case. Say what you will about the Craps (and I have) if you ever think that you've got them in the bag there's a young Russian in their net that will convince you that you've got another think coming. Let's face it, the team itself has been outplayed for almost every game but Varmalov has been shutting the door on the Pens right and left (I hate that guy). If they have a chance to win this thing they've got to put the doubt into Varlomov's head and keep it there. The guys are putting in the work, they've just got to find a way to reap the rewards.... I'm going to be doing my part. Once again I'll be the one on the couch, in the (almost) new Powder Blue Game Jersey with Satan on the back. (It worked once, let's see it work again)

Other Stuff: It seems that someone on the Internet threatened O'Retchkin's life. (And we care.... why?) Well amazingly enough it was a Pittsburgher. (not really) The Cops traced the threat to a 17 year old from Chambersburg... You mean right next to Gettysburg, Chambersburg? Yep, you guessed it, our 'Pittsburgher' lives 162 miles away. What do you want to bet they'll make a HUGE deal about that PA in his address not to mention the 'burg'? Let's not even look at the fact that this guy is A: a teenager on the internet and B: Almost twice as close to DC as Pittsburgh(99.7 miles). TSN is already calling Chambersburg a 'suburb' of Pittsburgh and talking about 'Retchkin's police escort in Pitt.(those Canadians love hockey in the US don't they?) It's a conspiracy I tell ya!! Those maniacs from PA all want O'Retchkine dead! What a crock.... (Pssst! they're onto us, call off the Hit-Pen!)

Other, Other Stuff: The Pens will now be broadcast into your lives 24/7 as a part of a nefarious scheme to turn you all into Pens-addicts (oh no, too late). The Penguins, and 105.9 the X are all getting together to create the Penguins Channel on HD radio. If you don't have an HD system (and shame on you if you don't) the channel will be simulcast on so you don't have to miss a minute of whatever the hell they find to fill all that time.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

If it's a Fight You Want, It's a Fight You'll Get:

Tonight's game isn't the last chance for the Pens, but it'll sure seem like it if they don't win. For the second year in a row the Pens have made an amazing run further into the Post-season than anyone gave them credit for at the beginning of the year. But to me (and possibly several others) it's not the depth of the run it's how (or if) you go out. If the Crapitals are the team that goes on to the Conference Finals, then so be it. I'd hate it, but I could deal. But the team I watched fight for the Play-Offs hasn't even shown up to the series yet. Other than Crosby's psychotic scoring spree Monday night the rest of the team only seemed to have a normal game. Normal in the Post gets you an early Tee-time. Somewhere the Flightless Ones need to get some fire. Some one needs to be like Talbot shushing the Philthy crowd. One of the grinders needs to reach up and spit in O'Retchkin's eye, or call Federov's momma something nasty and laugh. Something, ANYTHING to get a fire going, 'cause it seems like the rest of the team is waiting for the spark instead of creating one. A win tonight won't be enough. A win tonight only gets you another trip to DC. Someone's got to get PISSED, and take the game by the balls and make it beg for mercy and then laugh maniacally and give it none. Even if they lose, if they went out like that I could deal with the next 4 months in a Pens-less wasteland. I'd hate it... but I'd love 'em for doing it.

So I'll be watching you, Penguins. I'll be the one on the couch, wearing my brand-new, Satan powder blue game jersey. It's the first jersey I've ever owned that didn't have my own name on it. Let's see if that'll bring a little luck your way. The fight, you've got to bring yourself.

GO PENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LE-TANK IN OVERTIME!!!!! That's One.

You got to start with one. I'm starting to see the Pens I know. The Tower of Flower Power, two weird goals but solid as hell all night. More to follow as soon as I talk to the nice officers knocking at my door..... Something about someone screaming? Is everything OK? I don't know, but it's starting to look that way.....